Much help needed. In love with no ambition?

I've been in a relationship with the same person for about four years and I realized it might not work out when I had a conversation with my father The other day. I work many hours each week I have a girlfriend it doesn't work at all and she's OK with it. Anytime I ask her about a job she tells me i'm being negative and talking down on her. it crushes me because I am only trying to help her. she doesn't want to fill out applications unless I'm there because she needs help and her idea of help is she fills out all the personal information and I do the questions for her. Anytime I talk to her about a job she shuts down or tells me i'm trying to bring her now I'm 24 she's 25 is really frustrating to have someone sit around all day and think it's OK wow you're busting your butt 8 to 12 hours 5 to 7 days a week. She has friends that like to go clubbing and I don't like the way they carry themselves because the designated driver drink and drive and also dress slutty because they think its sexy. She follows what her friends do. She has slowed down on the Clubbing for now because I told her how I felt about it. As far as a job goes I wish she was just more motivated to work instead of do nothing around the house and wait for me to get off I've never been in love before so being in love with someone and breaking up with them because they have no ambition upsets me I wish she would change but I know you can't make people change I don't know what to do I guess I'm using this post vent. Comment and leave your thought please


0|0
51

Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to reconsider your relationship because moving in w/her/marriage will not get her more motivated. After my experience w/my unmotivated ex I will never date someone w/no ambition. My ex did have a job and was living on his own, but he didn't make any effort to get a better job, get something he was interested in or do activities that he found enjoyable. When I asked what he wanted to do he literally told me the idea would just come to him (in my exp that never happens) I had been looking for a more serious job and was able to find a professional job (that I worked towards) a couple of months ago, my ex is in the exact same place. When she tells you that you are being negative she is manipulating your feelings, my ex told me the exact same thing. I did my best to encourage his interests (of which he had none). His lack of ambition also translated into the way he treated me and I found myself w/a different person. Granted I only dated him for almost a year, but his lack of ambition got on my nerves.

    0|1
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • How does she afford to live? Either she is getting money from relatives or social security/benefits. I can see your frustration and you definitely seem like the more mature and also conservative one in the relationship. I am doubtful that this relationship is going to work in the long term because it seems like she is not pulling her weight.
    Its not normal to sit at home all day, especially if she wants you to do the questions on her forms for her. It sounds like something is wrong.

    0|1
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Time to crack the whip.

    Don't let her use manipulation tactics on you: when you talk to her about getting a job and she tries to turn it around, stop her, and tell her that if you wanted to put her down there are worst things that you could say, and her not contributing is causing detriment to her relationship with you, which is selfish and bringing BOTH OF YOU down. You need to give her an ultimatum: get it together or get out, because there are plenty of girls out there who are driven and who want a driven man. I know it's hard but you can't go on living in a relationship with a giant child.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Having a partner with no ambition or desire to work can be a dealbreaker for many. It sure is for me. You'll have to realize that she's her own person and that you can't change her. So either you have to accept or leave things and find someone who is more compatible with you. I would have said talk to her but you've already done that and it seems that she has made it clear she isn't interested in listening. My best advice is to ask yourself if you're OK with things being like this for the foreseeable future. If the answer is no then it's time to make a change.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ok, wait, rewind.

    You've stated the problem, and you've stated the negatives, but you haven't stated the positives. How is anyone supposed to give you meaningful advice? LOL

    What are YOU getting out of this relationship? What is she doing for YOU? Are yr personalities compatible? What kind of woman/relationship do you idealize?

    0|0
    0|0
  • You should speak to her about this. You should tell her that at your age you need someone who is serious about their future. Tell her you love her but it will only work if both of you are willing to work hard, and be a team.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

Loading...