Is my exgf interested in having a relationship with me again or is she using me to slowly move on?

My exgf and I broke up after 6 years because I had a drunken one night stand, it was the biggest mistake of my life and I'd give anything to take it back. I've told/shown her how sorry I am, mad grand and small gestures etc. After we seemed like we were on our way to reconciling she asked for a weeks spec which I gave, when I saw her again she said she needed another week. Halfway through that week I asked if she was ok and if she wanted to do something on the weekend, she replied saying how excited she was to see me. It turns out that she'd been texting another guy and had slept with him a couple time in that second week and was messaging him all the while messaging me. She cried and begged and told me how much she loved me and that it was a mistake as she felt miserable and alone. I stupidly put it to one side after a week away from her as she's the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. After all this she said she wanted to take things slow and work on rebuilding our friendship whilst still keeping some distance to work on ourselves. I just get the feeling that I'm putting way more effort into it than she is, when we're together were great but when we're apart my mind races because I can't trust her yet. We've slowly been spending more and more time together, going for dinner, lunch or round our places cuddling and holding eacother. From the outside it looks like we're a couple but there isn't any intimacy and I feel like I instigate most text conversations and times for us to be together. She says she loves me, that she still imagines her future with me, she doesn't want a relationship with anyone else and that she doesn't want me to move on. She just needs time as she's not over the fact I cheated on the first place. Bottom line is I love this girl more than anything and I'm willing to put myself through all this if it means we'll end up together, but I just don't know if we will or if she's using me to make herself feel better.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Good lord. I think you should both just move on. I think what you have with her is an obsession not feelings. If you had feelings for her you would have been able to say no on 'your drunken night ' and she would have done the same. You should never base a relationship on false pretenses.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm reading a lot of contradiction here. You say you would do anything but yet you seem to have very specific limits on what you're willing to do or consider. You say you want to be with her more than anything but that you don't trust her. I'm not sure what to think. It does look like you have to accept that if it works out at all, it will move slowly and with uncertainty. You can't afford to make this an all or nothing sort of deal.

    Bear in mind that she did not actually betray you if she was with someone else when you had no commitment between you. This is not to say that her actions don't matter. Rather it means that your relationship is nowhere near where you want it to be yet and you can't treat it like it should already be there. There is too much to work through before an open and trusting relationship can happen on both sides.

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  • Well you already broke the relationship and from the looks of it, it's permanent damage. Neither of you will ever fully trust each other ever again.

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