I feel like I will never fall in love again?

My ex husband broke my heart. I feel it was all my fault that I couldn't be that girl he ever wanted. He is a outgoing guy and I am shy/quiet girl and that was the big difference between us. He used to feel ashamed of me at times. I'm not just broken I feel guilty for not being worth it. I feel guilty because I think god is punishing me as I am not so good person. I loved him with all my heart, he was my world, my first love. We were married for very short period of time but I had his baby. Throughout our relationship he hurt me lied to me yet my feelings never changed for him. I would have never let him go although it was hard. There's some mistakes I made too, said many things that I shouldn't have and even raised my hand on him. But I did this because I was extremely hurt. He took those mistakes as a opportunity to turn his back on me. Six years down the line there isn't a day I go without thinking about him. I never stopped hurting secretly. But however I was coping until he went and married someone else. I can't help but feel totally shuttered with guilts as well. I always wanted to forget him so badly so that I don't feel this pain anymore. I want to find a new love like he did and move on. But each time I look at other mans I can't help but feel unattracted to them. I want to move on for good. I want someone who I could look at and feel the same way I felt for him. But I am scared thats not going to happen. I am scared If I do get married to someone i'm fully not attracted to I'll still be stuck in my past remembering him and whipping. It's not that I'm not trying to give myself a chance. I feel hopeless because not one guy attracts me in that way anymore no matter how good looking they are. All I look for is him in everyone I meet and thats not something I do purposely. I do it because his the only one in my heart. His moved on recently and playing happily ever after and I'm still stuck on the same spot where he left me and it even feels more worse...

All I'm doing is crying all the time. The flashbacks are killing me. I feel like recollecting those memories and cry my heart out so maybe it will wash away. But am not sure if that ever will happen. I can't bear this any more but I have to live for god and for my child.


Most Helpful Guy

  • was he your first or something? if there's something I've found out in my life its that you're never going to feel the same way about another person. I've loved several different women and it was different every time.

    but there is no rule saying you have to be with someone. while your this hung up over your ex how could any guy possibly compete with that? you're not remembering him. you're remembering how you felt. your brain is telling you "this is what you need again." but the brain kinda sucks at letting you know what you need. it replays the past over and over and over again, showing you your mistakes mostly. it does this to tell you not to make the same mistake again. and it shows you good things youve had in the past trying to tell you that you should get something like that again. but it does the same thing. playing the memories over and over and over again until you figure it out and start working towards getting what your brain whats you to get.

    you need to move past the stages of grieving. Denial/isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. He is gone. He's married to another woman. you need to move past depression and into acceptance.

    stop focusing on the past. the past is gone. its over. nothing can change it. stop focusing on the future. it isn't here yet. focus on right now. learn from the past. plan for the future. its irrelevant if you will fall in love again. but you definitely won't as long as your holding on to your ex husband.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I am so sorry. I do not know what happened on both sides, but I do know that if he really loves you, he would have done a better job at helping you come out of your shell. Knowing that he married someone else is not to get back at you. Keep that in mind. Sounds like things weren't going the way he wished it would've gone, so he wanted someone else who would conform or be more like him.

    What I don't understand is why you were so shy? Do you have a bad past? Are you just not comfortable doing the same things he does? Either way, I would expect my hhsbe to reach out with tender gentleness and help me. I don't think a man who truly loves would make you feel awful and full of guilt. Something isn't adding up right.

    May be an easier concept to say than do, but you will eventually have to move on. It's okay to have your grieving process, but it is starting to sound extremely unhealthy. Find someone you can talk to. You need a sounding board. Find a counselor who will reach out to you and bring out the light from under all that hurt.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You have to get over your ex before even trying to pursue another man. Yeah I know, easier said than done. I was in a long relationship that ended almost a year ago and am still not ready to date again.. I know my situation doesn't compare as much, but I do know that if either one of wants to love another again, then fixing one's self is the first step.


What Girls Said 1

  • Focus on yourself as much as you can in a positive way. What are some things you always wanted to accomplish in life then do it. Don't try to get into a relationship when you know you're not ready. Things take time but you should just love yourself more