If I am holding a grudge towards my partner, is it better to just move on?

Two years ago, my boyfriend did something that really hurt me. I won't go into detail, but it was on par with cheating. It wasn't cheating, but just as bad in my eyes.
since, he has changed dramatically. My boyfriend is probably every girl's dream. He broke down the other night out of nowhere and told me that he has been carrying around guilt for what he had done. So, he is definitely remorseful.
I have forgiven him. But, I can't get over it if that makes sense? I am bitter towards him sometimes and I can't help it. I still remember what he did. I try to forget but it's just etched in there and it won't move. I love him unconditionally, I couldn't really picture life without him. The thought scares me. I hate to see him so guilty and I hate to see myself with such low self esteem since this thing happened. I am attracted to him, but I have no sex drive anymore because of it so our sex life is really lacking, too.
My question is, is it better to keep living like this because we love each other and every other aspect of our relationship is perfect? Or is it better to break it off and let him start afresh with another girl who is able to love him how he is meant to be loved?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, what you say makes full sense. I can understand. forgiving someone and forgetting what they did are two different things, and so you may have forgiven him but then you can never forget what he did to you, that makes sense. I don't think it's grudge you are holding, it's just that you can't forget that and it's understandable.

    Yes, no matter how good the things between you two are right now, now you both have managed to fix the relationship but it will never be like before, your trust on him will not be 100% like before and no matter how hard you try your relationship will never be of the same level as before, because the damage has already been done and now it's constantly affecting you.

    Hence I would say it's better to break it off before it gets worse, I mean there is no point in living like this. Better to start afresh for both of you.

    It's good to know that your boyfriend is not the same person anymore and so you can be sure he will be happy in his next relationship because he won't repeat what he did to you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been through this situation exactly. He didn't cheat, but it was pretty close and it still really hurt me. What we did in our situation was that I told him I needed time to myself to think about our relationship and whether or not I could forgive him. We spent almost two weeks apart and realized that the thought of losing him hurt me more than the thought of what he did. When I realized that, it was pretty easy for me to see that I could forgive him one day, but I had to do it on my own terms and he understood that. Basically, he gave me all the control in the relationship while I was getting over what happened. We got back together, but things weren't the same for a really long time. I still felt insecure and I still cried about it, we talked about it a lot, and eventually... things got better. I forgave him and I was able to heal from it, and it's honestly made our relationship stronger as a result. I don't regret going back to him and I'm really glad that I did, because I'm so incredibly happy in our relationship now.
    In the end, you need to do what feels right for you. If you stay with him, just know that it's going to take time and you guys really need to talk about things in depth. The only way to move past this is to talk about it openly, to leave everything on the table, and to continue with a clean slate.

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What Guys Said 2

  • What did he do and why can't you forgive him? I ask because it seems strange that you would stay with him for two years and not forgive him, stupid really. Either you forgive him realize that one mistake does not define a person, which according to you he has never done what ever he did again he is remorsful and has done everything in his power to make amends for it, which to me would mean that you should probably forgive him or you break up with him because you are going to forever define him by that one action. So if you cannot forgive him for a mistake then leave, its really that simple he doesn't deserve to be hated for the rest of his life for a mistake, because you do hate him, I cannot see some one holding a grudge for two years and not hating the person. GIve up all the good he has given you, or give up the bad, which do you feel like holding onto the most?

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  • probably better to just get out before it gets worse.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Well maybe its best to seek help!

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  • If you don't think you can move on then odds are it won't work out in the long run. I say this because I was in your shoes and it didn't end up working out even though we had so much love for each other.

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