I don't know if I actually trust my boyfriend. Should I just break up with him?

And here's the catch -- he hasn't actually don't anythung to make me not trust him. I have a hard time trusting people.

We've been dating for 9 months, and by now I should fully trust him yes? But I still don't. I don't trust that he actually likes me, or that he isn't going to run off with some othe girl. But this isn't the first guy I've felt like this with. Usually when I get these weird insecure feelings, I just break up with them, but I've stuck with this one and so has he. But I feel like I need to get over this insecurity and I really don't know how to just force myself to to do so.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, it is called growing up I suppose.. Trust me, accepting yourself and building confidence is a constant fight that will linger with you throughout adulthood. At least you realize it is a problem and you are self-aware. He is a good guy (right?) and obviously the issue is not caused by the guys you are dating, but by your own head. So, why would you let this good guy slip away.

    Keep track of your behavior and reflect back on everything you doubt about him and think about it closely and deeply. Get out of your own head and start observing your train of thought. Don't be biased or defensive, because this is you assessing you and that shouldn't threaten you. This is an inner battle and it is unfair to bring people into it or blame them for it. If you feel like you are beginning to hurt him with your behavior and constant mistrust, then maybe you should let him go out of mercy. Otherwise, stick by him and meanwhile keep working on yourself like the rest of us.

    Baby steps. Good luck. : D

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have the same issue but a lot less than a year ago together for almost 3 years now. It's okay if your under 21 that's still definitely okay to feel like that but instead of focusing on that focus on the good things he does and recap that he doesn't do anything to make u feel like that

    Cheers

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    • Can this potentially fix it?

    • i don't even know why he's stuck around this long.

    • It's helped me. We have a slight sketchy past so it's a little harder for me, but he's definitely works. Be confident in yourself you beautiful human being 💕

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • Well as you pointed out, the issue is with you not him so breaking up with him isn't going to fix the problem its just going to result in you having the same problem but with a ruined relationship. Rationalize. When you get to feeling insecure ask yourself why. Ask why you feel that way has he done anything to cause it or is it do to something else. If its his actions what could be the reason other then him betraying you (ie negligence honest mistakes etc). What experiences in your life would make you not trust people (which seems to be the case if this occurs with every man your with) Do you have issues with your father or bad past experiences etc?

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    • We just had a talk the other night about all of this. Basically, he said "I can't continue this if you keep this up." Which I of course understand. So I've stopped bringing up all of the stuff that makes me anxious -- cold turkey -- and it's well, making me anxious. So am to just stew in my own thoughts? Or force myself to just be okay?

    • well why are you anxious? Thats the question. What has happened to make you not trust him, because it sounds like its nothing he did which means its you not him. If that is the case then that means you do have some control over it. You can ignore it and as I said it will get better with time or you can self reflect when you get anxious. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do, is it reasonable, is it because of what he is doing or what happened to you in the past? Is it a reflection of how you feel about yourself etc etc. Eventually you will become more comfortable with everything and trust him more because you will stop doubting yourself as much.

  • Don't! You'll regret that, trust me.. Not sure how to fix it though, all I can think of is you telling him and having him help ya

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  • Work on your emotions, whatever the problem is, deal with it face on. If you escape you will get caught someday, so face it.

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    • Does that mean I should stay with him?

    • Show All
    • That being said, I'm going to try talking to a therapist about all of this.

    • The whole anxiety/trust thing

  • Ik exactly how your feeling as I myself have some insecurities and stray thoughts due to past relationships. But have learned everyone has them in one way or another but as I told my last girlfriend that in order to grow a relationship and move forward no matter what insecurities you have if you truly love someone and wanna move forward you need to take a leap of faith and trust and believe in that person until there is reason not to.

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  • If he hasn't given you any reason to break up with him you shouldn't because if you do break up with him and he cares about you. It will break his heart and mess his mind up to the point that he becomes an asshole developing a severe hatred for women in general. If you don't trust people then you'll never find anyone. If you don't try to trust one person then you'll never trust any. You know him, I don't so you do what your heart tells you to do. Only you can decide.

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    • We talked about all of this the other night, and he said to me that he does care and love me, however if I continue like this than he can't be in a relationship with me. I don't blame him. We didn't break up or anything at that time. Now I'm just working on getting more confident. I'm going to see a therapist regarding my anxiety and trust issue.

    • That's good, Hope it helps.

  • If you end it for this reason, it will only perpetuate the cycle and you won't end up getting over your issue. My girlfriend and I BOTH have trust issues, but we've been together 5 years so far, and it DOES get better. It may take time, sometimes even a few years, but it does get better. Hang in there, be honest with him, and let him help you with it.

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  • Your never gonna be happy if you don't trust your significant others.

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  • You should break up with him so he can find someone where there is trust. It's wrong and unfair to him to keep stringing him along if you don't trust him. Meanwhile you need to work on your issues.

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  • If you fell REALLY insecure, then its your partner fault, there is nothing you can do, maybe talk to him, if he ignores, then you have your answer.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I Do Agree with One Big thing here, Dear... I need to get over this insecurity.
    There is a Big Reason Behind your 'Insecure' Season of Why you are being like this with someone who has Not Shown you probably nothing but Kindness and it has only Led to More... Weakness and Weird feelings inside.
    Talk to Someone who can perhaps Help More in Store in this Devastating Department. If you Continue down this Problem path, it will be nothing but a Full Circle Pattern that will only get Worse as you grow Older And... Not fun to get old and gray alone at home.
    Perhaps it stems First in Not feeling Good about you here, dear, But as long a you have Someone by your Side who is willing to take this Ride, then Together with Team Effort, you can Work through it Together so you can hang on to Something Special without having it sizzle Out with your Pout.
    Maybe you should Begin your Beguine by talking to him.
    Good luck. xx

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  • A usual part of you is trying to do what is usually done by you whereas the new, in love part of you wants to give it a try. Surely you have some affection towards him since you're still with him. I was the same way. I never once trusted the guys I was with and just broke up with them which I don't regret.
    But one time I fell in love and felt that he might be trust worthy. I was in confusion like you are.
    And it was already 12 months so it's okay that yours is 9.
    I trusted him. A lot. He broke my trust with not a major cheating issue , but a little one. But it still hurt a lot.
    I'm not saying never trust a guy, just follow your instincts and do what you think is right. I regret trusting him, but it's better than regretting losing and then not trusting him in the first place. Since losing him over it wouldn't be worth it. Now losing him having tried is what I am satisfied about.

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  • Well at least you can admit its your insecurity. Any reason why you feell like that?
    and you shouldn't break up with your boyfriend over that as its your issue..

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  • If he has never done anything to break your trust, I do not think you should break up with him. If you really like /love him , and you have a good relationship then the lack of trust probably stems from your own insecurities, past hurts, fear of losing your boyfriend etc. This lack of trust is coming from your own problems/emotions, not related to your boyfriend. You need to work through your own issues. What is the root of these emotions? How can you feel more confident and secure? Talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling! Without making him feel as though it is his fault/he is to blame.

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    • We actually had a big talk about this the other night. and he actually said that should this continue than this relationship won't work -- I mean he's not wrong.

  • Tell him how you feel and he'll give you the reassurance you need to trust him.

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  • why you dont trust him? my English is not enough to understand? can u explain for me for helping you

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  • I'm the exact same way. Breaking up won't fix a thing because you'll just have the same issues in your next relationship. You have to think about why you feel that way, and just face it. If you truly can't get over it on your own, maybe go to a psychiatrist? You could even just tell your boyfriend. I'm sure he'd understand.

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