Still crying after 1 month... I need help?

I’ll apologise beforehand for this long paragraph. I know not many are going to take me seriously since I’m only 17 but i’m hoping for some advice. My ex boyfriend and i were dating for 9 months. He never told me the reason he left, just said he lost feelings. He was sweet and caring. We used to study together and help each other with our weaker subjects, got into the best class together. He would wait for me to leave first after school before he would finally go home. On weekends, he would take me out for dates. Always made me happy and I could tell he really did love me. I love him so much and always made sure he knew.

He dumped me on new years eve, which was 1 month ago. Haven't contacted me. Ever since then i’ve been crying almost everyday. I lost weight because I don’t have any appetite to eat. I tried moving on, i really did. I’m doing NC, I’m acting happy in front of him, got a new haircut, bought new clothes but nothing seems to be working. Everything reminds me of him. I feel so pathetic. I’m convincing and lying to myself that he’ll come back eventually but it’s been a month and i know he won’t. Just 2 days before he left, he said he missed and loved me. How can he just get up and leave so easily? My friend talked to him he said i was controlling and will never go back to me again but i never stopped him from going out with his friends or anything. What’s worse is he hates me now because one of his friends told him i was trash talking about him behind his back but I don’t recall doing it. I don’t have anyone to talk to because I’m pretty sure my friends are sick of hearing me talk about him and i don’t want to bother them. I miss him so much but he won’t talk to me. Is there any chance of him coming back?

I have a major test coming up in 2 days and I don’t want this to affect my studies. My parents are very worried about me too. What should i do? Thanks so much for reading

Updates:
I just messaged him asking what i did wrong. He replied and we chatted for a few minutes. The whole time he was just saying "i don't know" and "It's too late" and "I don't like you anymore"... He also sounded very cold as if i meant nothing to him from the start :/

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Most Helpful Guy

  • he probably won't come back. pick up a hobby. and I don't know how this affects your ability to take tests. yeah, it sucks, but it can't be that horrible that it causes you to not be able to focus for an hour... and who studies? :P

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Most Helpful Girl

  • this is natural to still be upset after 1 month. when i went through something similar in high school it was really hard because it's the first time you've had what you thought to be a real relationship, and to see it fall apart is heartbreaking. trust me, you will get over this and they almost always come back. it might not be in a few months, it may be a year or more but i bet you he will be back. in the meantime, focus on your studies and have fun with your friends. i wish thats what i could have done in high school when i was worried about my boyfriend. you will never get these years back, so have fun with your friends and work on those relationships and having fun with them, it will distract you. when you do good in school and focus on other things and start healing, that's when they come back and you probably won't even care anymore.

    if it's not working out and you guys don't get back together - that is a blessing in disguise. you will have the opportunity to meet so many other guys and find out what you really want. if i could go back to being 17 i would have stayed single in a heartbeat. you have so much to look forward to. good luck!

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    • Did your ex boyfriend come back? And did you take him back?

      I just messaged him to ask what i did wrong. He replied and we chatted for awhile. The whole time he was just saying "i don't know" and "It's too late". He became really cold too. Is there still a chance?

      Thanks so much for replying! Really appreciate it :)

    • It took him 3 years but eventually he came back and apologized saying I was the only girl he's dated that wasn't crazy haha. but I waited years for an apology and i got it, and it feels good to not care when they finally say something. with another guy who i was on and off with, he would always always come back and i would take him back each time, but i got to the point where i was done so i cut it off. its crazy, but what i've learned is that you sit back, act cool and okay about it - they'll start worrying that you're doing better without them. he is probably cold right now because he's loving that you're giving him attention and he knows you're there. you did everything you could, don't reach out to him anymore - block him and don't give him the time of day. he'll wonder what you're up to and it'll bother him and thas when they come back. and of course! i've been there before and guys like this just aren't worth it, you'll realize :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • You have to accept that you're never going to get back together with him then you need to try to start moving on. You can message me if you need to talk to someone

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  • Dear sorry for your loss. Now stop faking that you're alright, you be yourself. Look forward, and enjoy your life ahead. Make new friends. Start communicating with others. Just remember that you made a mistake and now you learned something.

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  • He's an idiot and you don't need him.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Breathe. You need to find a way to distract yourself from him completely. Just keep repeating that you don't care. Only you are making yourself feel like this. You need to take control of your emotions and just focus on yourself.
    We all say things we don't mean after a break up xx Don't be too hard on yourself and i'm sure he doesn't hate you.
    First thing you need to focus on is your test. I'd advise you to tell one of your teachers that you've gone through a rough break up and it's been affecting your studies. They may allow you a few more marks because of this. Then you need to block him out of your mind and focus on your test. This is going to affect your future. You can deal with your ex later on, but right now focus on your test.
    Have you contacted him at all or replied to him during NC? How long have you been doing NC?

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    • Hi! Thanks so much for replying i reply appreciate it :)

      Been on NC for at least 3 weeks. He didn't contact me at all. I see him everyday at school which makes things worse.

      I just messaged him to ask what i did wrong. Hopefully he replies.

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    • Hi he replied and we chatted for awhile. The whole time he was just saying "i don't know" and "It's too late"

      What should i do now? I feel like crying :/

    • Aw sweetie don't worry xx Maybe he just needs some more time. But in my opinion the fact that he replied at all is a good thing. Right now i'd leave it 2 weeks. Don't contact him at all. Then send him a message like the one i outlined in one of my earlier comments. Try to relax and distract yourself, right now that's all you can do.

  • First of all, it's normal at your age. I remember going through that myself.
    Secondly, the best way to get over it is to stop fighting it. The more you try to hold the feelings in, the more they'll fester. So give yourself a couple of hours and let yourself wallow in it. Feel as HORRIBLE as you want to. Write down everything you're feeling without censoring it in any way. Cry hard. Write him a letter pouring out all your feelings. Burn his photo if you want. Decapitate the teddy bear he gave you and spread its stuffing on the floor. LOL.

    Then calmly throw the decapitated bear away, burn the letter you wrote (or save it but don't send it), save your writings to read six months from now. Take a shower. Do your hair and makeup and nails. Spend some time with your family and friends. Study for your test.

    Repeat weekly (or every few days) until you no longer have enough emotional energy to carry it out. I swear, you will feel better once you let those feelings express themselves. ((hugs))

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  • Um.

    ​Trying to keep everything inside is a short term solution.

    So don’t be afraid to let all your emotions out just cry if you want to. Scream even. Crying hysterically is a rite of passage during a break up. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.​​

    :\

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  • You're young and in high school. You'll look back at this and think how stupid he was and his looks will fade. Trust me I know lol

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  • hey, I know what you're going through. I had my heart broken too. Im still waiting for him to come back. let me know if you wanna talk more about this, I can try to help you

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    • Hi thanks for replying! It'll be wonderful to talk to you :) How do i contact you?

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    • @SpringMelody thank you, I hope things work out too! But I'm not sure they will :( we will see, I guess.

      I think the best thing you can do is what you're already doing. going NC and appearing happy around him. I'm sure he won't like to see you happy and moved on. you need to stop messaging or asking him whats wrong. no guy likes someone who is clingy or always available. its okay to wait for him, but don't have expectations that he will come back or else you will only be disappointed in the end. you need to start living your life, instead of spending all your time thinking if he will return. get in the best shape of your life and become the best version of yourself. make him wonder why he ever let you go. i'm sure in a few months you will be strong enough on your own and you may not even want him back.

    • and although he did say that he would always love me, since then he has told me he doesn't love me anymore and i need to move on. I dont want to lose all hope because I thought this was the person I would spend the rest of my life with.

  • He doesn't love you. What a lier!

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  • Girl he probably met somebody else. He didn't want to tell you but that's most likey what happened here. Please do yourself a favor and move on. The sooner the better for you.

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