How long does it take to forget our first love?

Well, I am a 16 years old girl experienced breakup for the first time. I was in love with him (hopeless) for 5 months and after that a miracle happened. We became a couple. I felt he was really in love I think I saw it on how he looked at me and how he smiled, he was happy.. after one and a half months he said he didn't feel anything anymore and we have to end this, but he really dont want to lose me like a friend. Now 7 weeks has already gone since the breakup and I still in pain and feeling empty. I got to know he had cheated on me on the last week we were together, and when I look back to our relationship I realized how rude he was with me, he talked to me like I was a hoe or I dont know. Why can't I hate him after these? Why do I miss him and when will it end? Will I ever be able to forget him? Im so afraid I can't love anyone else again


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What Guys Said 1

  • Try and let the past be the past, don't focus your energy on trying to hate him or trying to forget him or anything at all, just look forward to the future (and the present) and don't turn around and look backwards.
    Relationships, especially at your age, are all about learning. Yes, of course there are emotions involved, but you're learning about relationships and loves, just like he is. There are bound to be mistakes made, but this is all how you both learn, and hopefully use these experiences (the good and the bad) to be better at the whole relationship/love game in the future!

    You probably won't ever forget him, though it won't be too long before you have enough distance that the thought of him/your relationship together won't stir up strong emotions any more.

    Figure out what you can learn from the relationship and keep these things in mind, but don't let his mistakes be representative of all guys... everyone is different.
    In time, try and remember the good times you had more than any bad things that happened. The bad memories won't do you any good (aside from learning and not making the same mistakes again), and the good memories will be something you can look back at 10, 20, 30 years from now and you can laugh about your awkward first relationship.

    It's all normal and part of growing up, just keep your head up and look FORWARD, not backwards.

    Also, I'm a big believer in separation after a breakup. While you might be able to remain friends, it's in your best interest to completely avoid contact with each other for at least a few months after the break up, just to allow time for wounds to heal and to allow your mind to move on... If you break up and then see / talk to the guy every day or every week right after, it will be like picking at a scab... the wounds won't heal as fast.
    Be completely apart, no contact (or as little as possible, if you go to the same school), and then in 6 months you might be in a better place if you want to resume a friendly relationship.

    Good luck!

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    • thank you so much!
      no contact will be easy... He found a little reason to hate me.. Its like I got to know that he had cheated on me and I reacted like: "huh he has no feeling I dont care anymore"... Its a little bit more complicated story but never mind.. so after that I decided to write him why I said that (he didn't know that I found out he has cheated), so I wrote a nice letter telling him I know what happened, and thats why I was talking about you like this.. He seen my letter and immediately blocked me on facebook, but I dont really know why :D

    • Good, don't waste any more time on this guy... plenty more good guys out there waiting for you, best of luck and have fun! :-)

What Girls Said 2

  • hey, I'm going through something very similar, but for me its been nine months. what you need to do is cut off all contact. my ex cheated on me too. i didn't know until a month after. he's arrogant, rude, and mean but i still love him. the reason i haven't been able to move on is because i have been seeing him since the break up, and overtime we hang out it is as if were still dating. i thought this would remind him what it was like to be together and he would want me back, but it resulted that he ended up blocking me on all social media, telling me to move on, get over him, and get out of his life. he pretty much made me feel like a psycho who couldn't move on. i learned my lesson- if a man wants you, nothing can make him leave. if he doesn't, nothing can make him stay. you can't make someone appreciate and value you. the best you can do is walk away

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    • he ended up using me for sex and I became his doormat because he knew i would always be there. if i could go back to 6 weeks after the break up, i would have cut off all contact right there and worked on moving on and doing other things. it only got worse

  • You will move on in time , I been hurt 3 times I'm actually going threw it now. But the man I was seeing gave me an std and let me walk around with it knowing I had it and I still care and that's far worse than what your boyfriend did. No matter what someone has done sometimes we just can't help but to still care. It will go in time tho

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