Christian VS Non Christian?

My ex boyfriend who I am trying to work things out is a devoted Christian so he says, and well I tried the whole going to church thing and although I loved it, I felt that no matter how deep my relationship with Christ became, that it was never going to be good enough for him. We have been talking about going to couples counseling so that we can get past our issues. Now the thing is that he wants us to go to a Christian counselor, that does not bother me, but on the other side it kind of does because since I am not a full devoted Christian that they will take his side. I also offered since I agreed to go with him to a Christian counselor, that we should also go to a behavioral therapist. I told him that it would be beneficial to us both, he said no because he doesn't want someone who isn't a believer to help us.

Today during our argument, I had told him that he had said a few years ago how he did not like how he talked to me and that God did not like how he talked to me and that he would change that. The way that he was talking to me was pretty much emotionally abusive. He then said today that he would not change unless God told him to, and I thought that was really selfish of him to say.

I am worried that if we do go to a Christian counselor that everything will be good on his end even though he does not live by the bible in any means and uses it as an excuse towards me. I already have admitted that I am not a perfect person by no means and that I am working on myself, but with him saying that he isn't going to change unless God tells him to just baffles me and I don't think he understands what compromising is in a relationship.

What should I do?

Updates:
He had lost his virginity at 15 (we are now 21) and I believe has been with more people than myself.

He said he doesn't want someone counseling us unless they have a biblical faith. Control thing.
I think I am actually going to delete this post and re word it and not make it anonymous so I can respond to everyone.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like he is a christian by title only and not truly one of us, if you don't live by the bible and live your life according to god then it doesn't matter how many Sunday's you go or how many pages of the bible you read, you're not right with god.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, this is coming from a devout Christian female here. Under no circumstances, ever, is it alright for anyone to excuse emotionally abusive behaviour by saying they'll only change if God wants them to. That's nonsense. If your boyfriend truly was a Christian, he would know that he's already required by God to be kind and loving towards everyone.

    As well as that, good on you for supporting your boyfriend and attempting to take on his faith by attending church with him. How admirable! He should appreciate how wonderful you are for supporting him in such a way, and, coming to some sort of faith yourself. That's lovely news.

    Can I just say? Our roles are pretty much reversed here. I was the devout Christian girl going out with this rebellious, atheistic guy. Never would he have set foot in a church. Ever. But as a result of our relationship and his love for me, he came along with me a few times, and he sang the hymns. He enjoyed it. However, nothing the guy ever did for me at that time was good enough, and in the end, I lost him. To this day I'm absolutely devastated. The effort he made for me that I didn't see at the time. He stopped smoking, drinking and swearing. Almost like a changed guy. And I let him slip. Whereas if I'd opened my eyes and saw how much he was putting into our relationship, he'd still be with me today.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, perhaps your ex boyfriend is blinded in a sense, like. I was. And yeah, maybe he'll try to push you away, and maybe you'll argue. Having been brought up as strictly as I have been, reaching out to and having relationships with non Christian people can be stressful as times. But you know something? Pray earnestly to God that he will direct your life with him in the right way. Pray for your ex boyfriend. Pray for where your relationship is headed. He has it under control. And perhaps, you and your ex boyfriend are just what you each need.

    As for the Christian counsellor part, I have never been to one. But I would sincerely hope that they wouldn't take sides and show preferences. As counsellors, they need to be non-biased towards everyone. If anything, I hope the counsellor would maybe guide you both equally. As for your suggestion about attending behaviour therapy? I think you're absolutely right to suggest that. Your boyfriend needs to acknowledge how the way he speaks to you affects you. He also needs to know that it's not acceptable.

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What Guys Said 12

  • It sounds like he is enjoying strining you along. Just tell him that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with God now. He should not make you feel that you need to be closer to Jesus just for him. Your relation with God needs to come first he should just be a byproduct encouraging you.

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  • Ditch this psycho.

    This "God" of his is just his selfish inner conscious utilized in a way to give more meaning than actually exists.

    If anything take note of every inconsistent behavior according to literal interpretation of the bible and call him out for being a "Not a true Christian himself". Then ditch him.

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  • He's a hypocrite, demanding so much and putting heavy weights onto your shoulders.
    Jesus doesn't care about super devoted Christians, he just wants to save you.

    Being individual Christians are better than being in groups full of demanders and debtors. Your boyfriend is forcing religion rather than letting you go at it at your own pace. There are good Christians and there are hypocrites that force you to do this and that then this then that.

    Call him a hypocrite and anyone who listens to him a hypocrite.

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  • Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

    God is telling him to change... plain and simple.

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  • My advice to you: Leave and get the fuck out. You mess with religious, you destroyed your life. It is already obvious with that Christian counsellor bullshit. All these stupid things, I have already seen by my own mother and I see how religion destroyed her life. Best part of it, she doesn't even realise it.

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  • this is not Christianity. not even close to it.
    he's just a self-centered, selfish, emotionally and verbally abusive guy.

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  • He sounds like a religious psychopath. My advice would be to leave him and get some help for yourself. Not being nasty but, there's having a religious belief, and being a religious nut job...

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  • Ditch him. End of story

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  • He sounds like a complete nutcase to be honest. Dump him, it's for the best.

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  • I don't know I consider myself Christian, but I don't go to church.

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  • Break up, you two will not have a healthy or fair relationship in the long run.

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  • you both sound like shitty christians so i get where the problem comes from. learn some humility and love and your problems = solved.

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What Girls Said 7

  • This guy sounds delusional. Any Christian should know that just because someone is a Christian doesn't mean there better than someone who isn't. He also can't judge you about your relationship with God, only you and the man upstairs know how strong your connection is.

    Him going back on his word of saying God did not like how he talked to you to he's not going to change unless God tells him to is complete bull crap. I really think he's using God as a way to control you.

    Honestly, tell him that if he insists on a Christian counselor then you should be able to choose one as a compromise or middle ground, or at least get one outside of your home church.

    Really, I don't know how serious your relationship is, but I think y'all need a break. If you want to work on yourself you're definitely not going to get much accomplished if you're stuck in a relationship with this guy and I honestly don't think he's going to change anytime soon if he's saying he's waiting for God to tell him to. He should make the decision to better himself for God, and you, based solely on his want to make the both of you happy, not just wait for some sign from God.

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  • If he is holding stuff against you and he isn't living like he should, then you need to call him out on that. There is no way you're going to live a perfect life, so what is his deal? You do what you can and just make sure your convictions are yours. If he isn't going to be a good example for you, I would definitely leave.

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  • As a Christian, I would not date outside my religion for this very reason.

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  • Why don't you guys see both counsellors?

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  • is he waiting till marriage? or did he have sex?

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  • ... and this is the reason why I'd never date a religious person.

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  • Sounds a lot like a guy friend of mine. Honestly, I would ditch him if I were you. He's not going to change. You deserve better.

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