My ex boyfriend who I am trying to work things out is a devoted Christian so he says, and well I tried the whole going to church thing and although I loved it, I felt that no matter how deep my relationship with Christ became, that it was never going to be good enough for him. We have been talking about going to couples counseling so that we can get past our issues. Now the thing is that he wants us to go to a Christian counselor, that does not bother me, but on the other side it kind of does because since I am not a full devoted Christian that they will take his side. I also offered since I agreed to go with him to a Christian counselor, that we should also go to a behavioral therapist. I told him that it would be beneficial to us both, he said no because he doesn't want someone who isn't a believer to help us.
Today during our argument, I had told him that he had said a few years ago how he did not like how he talked to me and that God did not like how he talked to me and that he would change that. The way that he was talking to me was pretty much emotionally abusive. He then said today that he would not change unless God told him to, and I thought that was really selfish of him to say.
I am worried that if we do go to a Christian counselor that everything will be good on his end even though he does not live by the bible in any means and uses it as an excuse towards me. I already have admitted that I am not a perfect person by no means and that I am working on myself, but with him saying that he isn't going to change unless God tells him to just baffles me and I don't think he understands what compromising is in a relationship.
What should I do?
He said he doesn't want someone counseling us unless they have a biblical faith. Control thing.
Most Helpful Guy
Sounds like he is a christian by title only and not truly one of us, if you don't live by the bible and live your life according to god then it doesn't matter how many Sunday's you go or how many pages of the bible you read, you're not right with god.3
Most Helpful Girl
Ok, this is coming from a devout Christian female here. Under no circumstances, ever, is it alright for anyone to excuse emotionally abusive behaviour by saying they'll only change if God wants them to. That's nonsense. If your boyfriend truly was a Christian, he would know that he's already required by God to be kind and loving towards everyone.
As well as that, good on you for supporting your boyfriend and attempting to take on his faith by attending church with him. How admirable! He should appreciate how wonderful you are for supporting him in such a way, and, coming to some sort of faith yourself. That's lovely news.
Can I just say? Our roles are pretty much reversed here. I was the devout Christian girl going out with this rebellious, atheistic guy. Never would he have set foot in a church. Ever. But as a result of our relationship and his love for me, he came along with me a few times, and he sang the hymns. He enjoyed it. However, nothing the guy ever did for me at that time was good enough, and in the end, I lost him. To this day I'm absolutely devastated. The effort he made for me that I didn't see at the time. He stopped smoking, drinking and swearing. Almost like a changed guy. And I let him slip. Whereas if I'd opened my eyes and saw how much he was putting into our relationship, he'd still be with me today.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, perhaps your ex boyfriend is blinded in a sense, like. I was. And yeah, maybe he'll try to push you away, and maybe you'll argue. Having been brought up as strictly as I have been, reaching out to and having relationships with non Christian people can be stressful as times. But you know something? Pray earnestly to God that he will direct your life with him in the right way. Pray for your ex boyfriend. Pray for where your relationship is headed. He has it under control. And perhaps, you and your ex boyfriend are just what you each need.
As for the Christian counsellor part, I have never been to one. But I would sincerely hope that they wouldn't take sides and show preferences. As counsellors, they need to be non-biased towards everyone. If anything, I hope the counsellor would maybe guide you both equally. As for your suggestion about attending behaviour therapy? I think you're absolutely right to suggest that. Your boyfriend needs to acknowledge how the way he speaks to you affects you. He also needs to know that it's not acceptable.1