Should I tell my ex how I feel?

I'm kind of stuck here. My ex and I were in an LDR and broke up because of difficulties having to do with that. After a few months of not talking, we became best friends again pretty quickly and started to revert back to the exact same kind of relationship we had while we were dating. We agreed on a FWB-type situation for when we can actually see eachother (we go to college 4 hours from eachother), but sometimes it seems like it's more than that. We talk every single day for hours, and treat eachother exactly how we would if we were dating. There are so many more feelings involved than with your average friends with benefits. I know that I'm doing this because I love him and want to get back together in the future, but I'm unsure whether or not his motives are the same. He told me that falling for me again wasn't much of concern just because of how the LDR was unsuccessful (hurtful for both of us when we split) and that he'd be reminded of that if he began to feel something- but he did say he probably wouldn't tell me if he did. Now, I don't know if I should do the same. There's definitely no harm in what's going on right now (I'd actually say it's super beneficial to my life, and also fun) so I don't know if I should ruin it by bringing feelings in it when I've already told him I've moved on romantically (not true..). Should I talk to him about this, or just leave it be? If so, what should I say?

  • Talk to him about it
    Vote A
  • Don't talk to him about it
    Vote B
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What Girls Said 2

  • I've been there. Biggest mistake ever. You have no idea how much I regret staying friends with him, it made me look weak and pathetic and it made me dump as fuck. You are being manipulated. And you're not aware of it, of course, you're still wearing a pink glasses. You gotta remove those glasses, honey. He dumped you, he gave up, he doesn't want you. I know it hurts, but if you think about it he made you a favor because he's not what you need. He did this because mother nature knows that there is a way better guy out there waiting for you. Your ex is not that guy. You're still stuck on him because he made it look like he's not a bad guy, giving some BS excuses and sticking around. He is a bad guy. I assure you that he doesn't love you, if he loved you first of he would never dump you (no matter the distance) and second he would never made you his fwb! He seems very immature to me (copy-paste of my ex, lol). If you continue doing this, eventually he will think of you as suuuch a good friend and a loyal puppy, and you will be the first one he will tell when he meets another girl and falls in love. And if you thought THIS is difficult, wait until that happens. I know you think now "noo he would never do that!" oh yeah he would! My advice is to get up, wash the dirt of yourself, look at the mirror at how beautiful and amazing you are, and tell yourself you worth A LOT MORE. Don't be an idiot, you're gonna regret it trust me. If you want him back or if you want to get over him, do the no contact in both cases. Now! Yes from this very moment, ignore him! Don't talk to him about this, why would you? If he has any brain cells he will understand why you are doing this. It's gonna be really hard but trust me it's worth the long run. Let him wonder a little bit. If it's too hard for you to just ignore him all of a sudden, you could give him some hints the next time he writes you, for example tell him that you're not in the mood and that you're tired and busy. Be cold and distant. And then the next time he writes you just ignore him.

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    • You see, this is exactly what I'm terrified of. I'd like to think that I'm a pretty good judge of character (studying psychology at my university hasn't hurt, either) and able to tell when I'm being manipulated and when I'm not, but what if I'm wrong? I would totally 100% agree with you if the reason we broke up was because we weren't compatible, but that simply wasn't the case- we broke up because the distance was virtually impossible, and we're too young to do much about it. I think you made a lot of really good points though, so I think my first course of action is talking to him about it whole-heartedly, and how he reacts will be the ultimate ruling on whether or not this is worth it, or moreover if he is worth it. Thank you so much for your encouragement, I really appreciate that you'd take the time to try to help me out like this :)

    • Unfortunately our education or intellect have no saying in how we feel. :) I consider myself a damn smart girl, but I was still hurt. Actually I don't regret doing what you are about to do, because I wouldn't know other way around, I would never learn. My ex and I were 6 hours away from each other and we were together for 3 years. I wonder how that distance didn't matter for 2 and a half years, and then all of a sudden it started to get in the way? Doesn't really makes sense to me. Sure, you can make yourself believe that the distance was the cause... but it will only prolong the pain. When 2 people love each other, nothing matters. Trust me on that one. Hell, I loved him so much that I could've waited 3 more years without even seeing him. Without even talking to him. Just as long as I know that we are gonna be together in 3 years, that would be enough for me to keep going. He didn't think or feel the same, so it's called "non-compatible". We had different views. And different feelings

    • And that's why we broke up. That's why HE broke up. But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is what happened after the breakup. How he didn't want to let me go, how he friend-zoned me, how he was sooo good at hiding his guilt under the rug. I didn't even notice that I was manipulated to think that breaking up was the right thing and how we should be just friends. Because that's what staying friends after breakup means - mutually agreeing that you don't go well together. It's like having an orgasm in the same time. You completely have to agree on the same thing and feel the same thing. In mutual breakups no one really gets hurt. Only then couples can stay friends. Reading your post doesn't give me the impression that you also wanted this. You wanted it other way around and by staying friends with him you are basically dismissing your own believes and your own point of view. Don't do that. Be yourself and stick to what you believe. Tell him goodbye.

  • Been there too, and to make long story short, the pain that comes after will be so much greater than to talk about it and to cut it off now. The best timing to stay friends again is when you are fully over him, not now. Staying somewhere between the zone of friend and couple can hardly generates good consequences. Take care.

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    • You make a really great point, I'm definitely going to talk to him about it and see what the best course of action is. Thank you! :)

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