Why am I so obsessed with him if I broke up?

I don't get it. We had been having issues for months. I was actually the one who wasn't happy and who doubted my feelings and he was there for me. I pushed him away, I told him I didn't know if I loved him anymore, I broke up with him. I don't want to get back with him, at least not now... but somehow, I just miss him so much, I can't stop thinking about him, reliving everything that was good and thinking that all the bad bits were because of me, I feel like I regret breaking up... but I also don't want him back. I have no idea what I want and it's making me so crazy. I can't concentrate with anything other than him, I look at our pictures and cry... I mourn the break up as if he was dead. I truly don't understand this. I don't want to talk to him because I don't want to give him hopes or maybe he has moved on and doesn't want to talk anymore. It's been 3 months. What can I do to stop this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • why not talk to him? you dont have to get back together with him by any means, just talk, get your feelings out there and get the closure you want or vise versa

    • I'm scared I won't let him move on or that he will be annoyed...

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    • I think you're right... maybe I should talk to him. But I guess I need to figure out what to say 1st hahaha

    • no need to rush, go at your own pace and say what you want

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's because you're missing the fact that you had a boyfriend.

    When the initiator of the breakup is sad, it's usually cause they miss the feeling, or that they're slowly starting to doubt that decision.

    You make it clear that you don't miss him, so I'm going to assume that right now, you miss the happiness that came out of the relationship and the simple fact that you were with someone who used to give you fuzzy feelings.

    Usually when people are in a relationship, they place their boyfriend \girlfriend on a higher priority scale, and they push away other thing overtime, like hobbies or friends. Reconnecting with friends and doing or re-discovering new hobbies will help.
    Also, when you get the urge to cry or even think about your ex, do something else. And, I know you might not want to do this, but try dating again. This can boost your confidence.

    Here's some things that I'd avoid for now: drinking, making rash decisions, jumping into new relationships too fast, and looking at things from your previous relationship. Put things like pictures of you two away, in a box either under your bed or in your closet, so you won't be easily reminded.

    And finally, try meditation, and focus on how good it feels to be single. If your grief lasts persistently for six months or more, have suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self-harm, or feel like you can't function normally, seek help because those are signs of depression.

    Don't worry, you'll feel better.

    -Sincerely, a girl who broke up
    with her first love about eight
    months ago.

    • I don't know. I do miss him but I also don't think it makes sense to get back together now... maybe in a few months. Maybe you're right and it was the relationship more than him, maybe it's just that the relationship really didn't make sense anymore because I had to move to another State for a couple months and that's when the problems started. Maybe the problem is that I keep thinking that what ruined the relationship was being separated, but I only came here for 6 months and I couldn't even handle the 1st one... so that must mean that I didn't love him as much as I thought, right? I don't know. I'll do the things you said, avoid talking to him and act as if it's completely over forever. We'll see what happens when I get back.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Your Minds doesn't
    But your Heart Does... Listen to your heart

    • my heart is probably as confused as my mind hahaha

  • What can I do to stop this?
    give him a call

    • but I don't even know what to tell him. "Hey I don't want you back, at least not now, but I can't stop thinking about you and it's making me crazy"? If he still loves me that's super selfish because I'll keep him hanging for no reason. If he doesn't love me anymore he'll just think I'm crazy...

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    • you could just yolo it roll some dice or something

    • hahaha... that's an option

  • You can't, only time heals wounds

    • I hope it won't be too much time because I have so much to do and I can't concentrate :(

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    • He's right, and to be honest it's sort of selfish that you're hoping it won't be too much time so you can get on with your life. He obviously loved you and you broke his heart. You can't expect him to run back to you with open arms and be your friend. You can't expect that. Either you are with him or you aren't. You can't have both I'm sorry.

      Speaking of which, my ex had that same motif, and I told her I didn't want to be friends with her, just so she could feel better about herself with breaking up with me and that way she could have closure and see other guys. You have to realize that you're either going to date him or you're not going to talk to him ever again.

    • @doetrioux I know it's selfish and that's why I'm not talking to him... but I also need to get my life back on track. Even if I wanted him back, I don't think he would. The main reason why I broke up is because long distance was driving me crazy and I started doubting if I loved him and if he loved me... we barely had time to talk and sometimes he'd just forget about saying good morning or good night which I know sounds stupid but for a long-distance relationship it's very important because I constantly felt left out from his life... and lonely. I moved away from home for a few months and I barely have friends here so I was also checking my phone a lot more and I had seriously never been so insecure. We would fight about stupid stuff about once or twice a week and it just didn't make sense. I don't want him back in this situation, but I'd love to have him back if I were "home." But I won't be for a while, so I know we can't be together...

What Girls Said 4

  • You're full of crap. And you have some mental issues. You should sort that out first before you enter any new relationship. Do you know why you feel like that? Because your healthy part of brain is aware that you made a mistake dumping a great guy who you obviously have feelings for. It's that little voice that's gonna follow you for a long time when regret creeps in. You are being immature. You dumped him without a good reason, you just decided to flee from problems instead of facing them and fixing them TOGETHER. Every time when some little obstacle comes out, you're gonna flee again, no matter who you're with. Reading your post reminds me of my ex who did the exact same thing to me. Take it from someone who's been in his shoes: you have 2 options. 1. Make a list of WHY you don't want to be with this guy. But don't put side things on the list like distance, family, money, etc. those are BS excuses. The list should be only about HIM. What is it about HIM that you don't like anymore? If you can find more then 4 good reasons, then you did the right thing and you should just move on and forget about him. If you already know what you don't like about him I hope you at least told him that. He needs to know why you don't like him anymore. If not well then you fucked him up. When someone is breaking up with me, I don't want to here about circumstances bullshit, I want to hear about ME. My ex told me I'm great but it's just circumstances, and it fucked up completely. Maybe he was lying maybe he just didn't know the reasons, but never the less it left the huge scar that I was carrying around for a long time. No one wants to hear "it's not you it's me" so please avoid that. Anyways, if you can't put a list, that leads me to 2. Talk to him and try to sort it out. Be completely honest and spare yourself years of regret. My ex dumped me out of the blue, he didn't even gave us a chance to try to sort it out. And now after a year, he is drowning himself in misery and regret. But I moved on. It's same gonna happen with your ex if you're too late.

    • This ^^ I was exactly in your shoes, @little_bird1 and this is exactly what I would've commented. My ex girlfriend was exactly the same and of course I decided to take the steps to move on after putting up with these games and it's the greatest thing in the world feeling free :)

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    • Oh okay, sorry then. If you tried to fix it and he refused to collaborate, then you probably did the right thing. If you didn't. Lol my ex also said that "that's just the way he is and he's not gonna change" every time I would complain about something. I say fuck that! If someone loves you they will compromise and they would feel your pain. They would WANT to change and make you more comfortable without you even telling them. He would probably dump you if you didn't dump him. In a way, he did. And that's why you feel like this, because in a way HE was the one to give up and break up. You are heartbroken and this is normal. I also didn't want my ex back and didn't even missed him, but I still couldn't stop thinking and obsessing about him and about us generally.

    • I just feel guilty sometimes because I feel like he started acting like that when he got fed up with me fighting over stupid stuff... so I feel guilty but both our behaviors weren't right... I was very insecure because I felt lonely and I didn't have too many friends here so I relied too much on him and I see how that can be stressful and I also was very proud so whenever he made me feel insecure I'd lash out and sometimes I really wasn't right. But yeah when I broke up and he cried and told me he was sorry, I cried too and I said that if he was we should meet and talk about it because I actually wanted to fix it. But I think he also thought I was right to break up. He sometimes said I didn't make him feel like he was good enough; I said he was and that I knew I was being too demanding and I wanted to try to fix that but well, I guess I didn't. I don't know, it's very complicated and I don't want this to happen again... I don't know I just want to stop obsessing about this

  • You didn't know if you were in love with him or not... I guess, now you do. Breakups are never easy, and even if you are the one to break it off, it just doesn't stop you from caring about them. Up until the point of breakup, they were a significant part of you daily life.. now that has changed, and you are mourning because there is empty space in your life.

    Get busy and move on... or call him up and say you were a fool!

    • Thank you!!! Exactly, some people even my friends don't understand that everything in life is mostly grey and that the fact that I broke up doesn't mean I didn't love him at all or that I'll be fine. I didn't break up because I was over him, I broke up because I thought that was what was best for him and for me. In fact, he actually admitted that I did well breaking up and that I was right. That's also a problem though, he specifically told me he wants to move on. And I can't know that. I don't want to just pop up and say hello if he hasn't because that would just interrupt his process, you know? I don't know... seriously I'm going so crazy about this :/

  • I'm in the exact situation with you right now. I was the one who broke up with him too but now I miss him so much. I think we just miss the fact that we weren't lonely and also had someone there for us when we needed it. We are supposed to talk about in April (we broke up in jan) and start talking again and we see that both of us improved and that there is still spark left we would start talking/dating again... but right now i feel your pain. Its not necessarily the fact that you didn't want to break up but the fact that you just really miss you best friend. I dated my ex boyfriend for 5 years.. you can imagine how hard it is for the both of us to let each other go completely..

    • yeah my ex told me that we could talk again and be friends when we've both moved on but that right now he just wants to move on. He also said that maybe in a while if we are both in a better place we could try again and I agreed. I guess that's also a problem probably, I'm not moving on because I feel like maybe later it will be different/better like it was before all the fights and problems.

  • When you find the answer let me know 🤕😔