She's been married to him for 8 years and she's not in love anymore but afraid to leave?

I have a friend that is going on her 8th yr of marriage to a man who only provides 'his half of the rent'. He doesn't pitch in for food, clothes (they have 3 kids), bills or anything to do with the car. He works as waiter because he is trying to avoid child support for a child he has with another one (before they were married). Meanwhile she has a career and a degree. He was in the military reserves when they first met but ended up getting discharged (which was nice of them) because he was AWOL on his drills. He picked up an AGR position and lost that because he was tardy all the time. Ever since he has been in and out of careers and when I say in and out I mean a new job every 3 months!!! She is struggling with bills and to keep everything a float. She has cried to me about having to ask her mother for money for her light bills. She's also cried about him not being able to celebrate any holidays with her (bday, anniversaries etc.) because he’s always broke. I asked why she won't leave and she said she is scared. I didn’t understand why when she is doing about 95% anyways! She is scared to be alone or that she will have to leave in a bad area because she won't be able to afford rent alone (but that’s all he pays) I tell her to find a low income place or move into a 2 bed instead of a 3. I don't know what other advice to give her but I feel like she should defiantly leave. She is so beautiful. Every time we are out men are approaching her letting her know it! And I just don’t think she deserves a shit man like him. Not to mention he barley takes care of himself. He has bad acne and horrible teeth. They have been together since she was 15 and he was 17. He is now 29 and she is 27. But I feel like he’s using her. He’s career in the military moved them from her hometown to another state 2 hours away and I just feel like she is scared to start over! Advice? I need something to tell her!


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What Guys Said 2

  • People generally fear change, especially women. It tends to really upset their ability to focus on things.

    Your friend will change, when the fear of change itself becomes less than the fear of staying in the same situation.

    If her husband was discharged from the military for AWOL, his discharge papers are likely anything BUT Honorable. There are a lot of businesses that won't hire someone with that kind of a background. From everything you describe, this guy is definitely lazy though. As for him keeping a POS job, you can blame that on the system. Divorced guys get the short end of the stick when it comes to child support. I found out the hard way myself. They can legally take up to 70% of his paycheck for child support and alimony. Taught me to have as low a paying job as possible. I still paid my bills and lived up to my responsibilities.

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  • You can't fix other people's problems.

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