Very confused after experience with a girl. Do friends go on dates?

So I met this girl online and we talked for a few months before meeting up. We hit off instantly, and we met up for a few more dates aftwards. Everything was going great, except I was pretty busy at times and so the dates were 2-3 weeks apart, yeah long I know. I'm actually kinda inexperienced with girls and dating, despite being 19, cause I was shy when I was younger. So on the 4th date I finally got the guts to kiss her but she rejected it. After that date, she stopped texting me as much as she used to. Eventually I realized she was talking to some guy on facebook. I ended up asking her if she wanted to keep dating cause I felt I was just being strung along at that point. To my surprise, she goes off about how she didn't think we were dating and how she thought we just "friends who went on like dates" . 2 weeks later that guy she was talking became her boyfriend. I just don't get it, I thought we were dating. We flirted, held hands, and there touching too (not sexual I guess but still). I even gave a kiss on the cheek on the 3rd date. Even before we went out for the first time she actually asked me out by saying "let's date :)" . I even payed for all the dates so I don't know I mean am I wrong about all of this. I'm just so confused about what happened. Some ideas would help. This whole thing has made so sad cause I feel like she was perfect...

Updates:
I guess the whole thing seemed to get really confusing around the time of our 3rd date. We went to a mall and some sales lady stopped and asked if we were bf/gf. I tried to avoid the conversation of “where we stood” cause I thought it was still too early to tell her. The whole question caught me off guard and I just really couldn’t say anything, neither could she. The lady asked then if we were just friends, after some hesitation she eventually said that we were. Later in the date though, she me
Later in the date though, she mentioned that lady again and I tried to explain to her that I was caught off guard but was thinking of saying that we were in the “middle” , by that I tried meaning we were dating. She then replied that next time we should tell her were a “couple”. So I guess I thought everything was ok. Though things got weird again on the 4th date when after a joke I told her, she responds with “were not gonna be friends anymore…” and that word “friends” made me start really ques

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No friend's don't go on dates. Friend's hang out and spend time together but not on dates.

    You got lead on, and I'm sorry! That is terrible. I've been there too. Actually I'm there right now.

    I'm seeing this guy and he wants to get to know me, says he wants to take things slow, yet won't make the time to actually spend time with me to get to know me.

    I'm at the point now where I feel like giving up.

    We've been seeing each other for 4 months. We text daily, and I've been trying to make plans with him to see each other again (last time I saw him was on Valentines Day). But every time I try to make plans, he flakes or gets busy or something comes up or the weather is bad.

    I live 45 minutes away and I have to drive to see him (he never comes to me). So I feel like this is all very one-sided.

    I feel like you were in a similar situation. You were paying for dates, while she was talking to other guys.

    You were showing signs you liked her and wanted things to move forward, while she was rejecting you. But she still wanted and agreed to go on dates?

    I don't get it. Sounds to me like she agreed to go out with you knowing it wasn't working out. You got lead on, and that sucks big time!

    I would stop talking to her. She is not perfect! She's human. Don't put her on a pedestal.

    There are plenty of girls out there who would love to be with you and actually want to be your girlfriend.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is the way I see it... there are some red flags here... first off meeting someone online... not saying this is bad but the chances are not as good that you are finding a quality girlfriend here. The next thing I see is this... your dates were 2-3 weeks apart... what was she doing in the meantime? Did she ever say she wanted to date more and with less time in between? I dont think so on this one... and if she did she is probably realizing that you aren't willing or able to make time for her. I honestly think she had more than one guy in the picture... and you were being strung along. Guys see it as dating, girls see it as hanging out... trust me been there... I think her heart on the 4th date was already for this other guy as to why she rejected you on the kiss. She said dating at first though but then this other guy came in the picture and she chose him over you... sorry to say that. Think of it this way... would you want a girl that strings you along or has another guy either waiting in the wings or cheating on you? You deserve better, she wasn't perfect... you wanted her to be perfect... again I was there. You will look back on this and realize "yeah this is good that I found out her true colors and moved on." You are young, take this experience, learn from it, and move on. Find someone that will be committed to you and only you, and dont fall too fast... let things happen naturally. I have fallen too fast before and it ends up hurting you more. There are a lot of good quality women out there that will be faithful. Best of luck to you!

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    • Best advice I've read on this. Clear intentions are needed, for sure. That long space between dates would send me for a loop. I need the guy to be open and up front. I don't want to have to decipher if he sees me as a girlfriend or not. And just to add, there are plenty of guys who pay for their friends. I can count several times when a guy paid for me while hanging out. What a guy considers dating isny necessarily what the woman thinks. Communication is key. Lay it out.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Sorry, dude, but you got used.

    She was trilled that you paid for everything and was going slow. Had you gone any slower, she would have probably continued to "date" you while already in a relationship with that other guy.

    Forget about her and learn from your mistakes: do NOT pay for all the dates. Social convention might dictate otherwise or to at least pay for the first one, but to be honest - fuck social convention when women like this exist.

    Always go dutch. If your date gets pissy about it - next her. Don't waste your time on entitled materialistic cunts.

    If the girl likes you for you, she'll not care about splitting the bill because she'll want to see YOU, not how much money you can spend on her.

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    • ^ this. And her acting stupid just further wvalidates that she knew exactly what she was doing. Whenever someone acts stupid as an excuse for their behavior, 99% of the time they're blatantly lying.

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    • i'm just taking your advice and pointing out a mistake you overlooked.

      "Forget about her and learn from your mistakes"

    • @orphan

      I agree that leaving such large gaps wasn't smart, but his mistake was also paying for everything, which she consciously took full advantage of until he got a bit more physical at which point she decided it was time to bail.

  • You did everything right and she sounds rude

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  • She probably did think of them as dates but when she started talking to the other guy she realized she likes him better. It sucks and if this is the case then she should not have pretended like you are the idiot for thinking more of it than it was. Sorry :( not all girls are like that

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  • Honey, don't feel sad. You're young, you're going to have all kinds of experiences, broken hearts, happy ones. She wasn't the one for you. Its a big world out there and you will find your girl, because you sound like a gentlemengentlemen. Keep your chin up. :)

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  • There's a difference between "dating" and going on dates.

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    • hmm, I would consider going on multiple dates to be datings. I could understand her reaction if it had just been one or two, but it sounds like they went on many

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    • regardless of how spread out they are, more than a couple dates is pretty much dating.. sometimes people are too busy to get together more often, or any number of other reasons

    • @thewanderingme well, it's a mute point now. They officially aren't dating. 😥

  • My guess is she might have been an asshole and / or lost interest because the dates were every 2-3 weeks. Maybe too you guys weren't dating per say, in her mind, but rather seeing each other casually? Sorry about your experience

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  • I don't think you did anything wrong. That seems like dating to me, other than having dates that are 2-3 weeks apart. Plus, I would think if she meant to go as friends she would offer to pay for herself.
    I don't really see what the issue here is unless she was talking to the other guy the same time she was talking to you. He could've been taking her on dates in between the times you were since they were so far apart.

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    • Hmm yeah I've been assuming that. Although her responses to my questions were more or less like "friends go on dates too, maybe its just different for you and me", she also said that she had fun with me but says that we both want different things...

  • She played you but you just have to take the L, cut ties, and walk away.

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  • What a nasty cow she is, don't even give her a second thought. She lead you on and used you.

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  • She's a bitch that just strung you along.

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What Guys Said 11

  • I hung out with my crush twice, just geocaching and driving around both times. Then I got lunch with her once. And yes, we set up a specific time when we could do those things.
    But we definitely weren't dating, especially since all of those hangouts happened within a span of 4 months, and we're still friends.

    So, to answer your titular question: I guess so. And yes, it is confusing and sad.

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  • You left too much time between dates and should have kissed her sooner. She knew that she was interested in the other guy but decided to keep going out with you both as a backup option and because you paid for her. In the future, plan dates closer together, go for a kiss on the second date (some say first, some say second, some say third so aim for the middle) and make her pay her share. When the bill comes just tell her 'it's x dollars' which she should take as a hint that you expect her to contribute. That'll prevent women from trying to use you for your money because then they will have to pay their own way.

    Friends don't date, she was bullshitting you. She wanted to appear to be ignorant of cultural expectations as opposed to being willfully malicious.

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  • Well it was obviously dating but she ended up losing interest and decided to play it off like you were just friends the whole time.

    Just move on and forget about her.

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  • I think she lost interest in you. Others here have said it well. I will add this point though. I commend you that you tried to kiss her. This brings out the actual 'her'. She displayed what was actually in her mind and thus saved your future time and efforts. So I think you are lucky to get this strong signal. Sometimes girls keep boys in their purse like make up kits and then keep them there for a long time. Consider yourself lucky.
    And please please, at 19 years of age dont think you have the experience to gauge a girl as perfect. Go out and experience more and more.

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  • Why the turtle win the race? He was never stop. Rabbit got every reason to win but got off track and didn't finish. Same lesson here. Do not ever make a girl wait for you. The faster you get with her, the better. Move on dude, those date you pay for just say for experience with girl. At least you got some date better than guy never touched a girl. Try learn some seduce move and you will get better. Every date consider a learning experience for you and have fun

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    • I'm confused with the whole rabbit and turtle analogy. I get what you're saying, but I don't see how this fits the scenario. He was taking his time and yet, he didn't get the girl. He took too long and she was occupied with someone else. I will agree and say a girl will not wait around forever.

  • She met another guy she liked better. It happens. The whole "friends who went out on dates" bs is probably her way of making you feel like you weren't dumped. If I was to be critical I'd say maybe you left too long between dates and she didn't think you were serious. But don't overthink it, this is just stuff that happens when you're dating. My guess is she wasn't perfect for you.

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  • Been there bro. Sounds like she was going out with a few of you that she met online, then picked that other guy to be in a relationship with.

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  • How did you meet her? Anyways, she has a boyfriend and after 3 dates she still won't kiss you, she clearly has you placed in the friend zone.

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  • Sounds like you had a horrible experience. I have no advice to offer you though. You've made me as confused as you are.

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  • It sounds like she was unsure of her feelings at first. But now you are most definitely in the "friend zone", a black hole of despair from which there is no escape other than to find someone else!

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  • She led you on. Fuck her, you can do better.

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