Any advice on how to heal after being dumped by my first love after a 2 year relationship?

My ex boyfriend about 6 months ago told me that he wanted to take a break after 2 years of dating. For about a month we were "on a break," but after talking with friends and family I realized that I was being strung along. So I told him, for my piece of mind, that we should consider this an actual breakup, since that's what I thought he wanted all along. A month after I "turned the tables" on him we talked again and I told him that I missed him and he said that he missed me too but "isn't ready for a relationship right now" and isn't sure about our future. Afterwards he kept insisting that we should be friends. Right after this conversation I decided to go into No Contact and didn't contact him until Thanksgiving. I got a polite response but I didn't reach out again until December where i foolishly believed that I would get him to reply more. For about a month he would reply sporadically with short replies. I guess I got tired of trying to "chase after him" and went back into No Contact. I've been in No Contact now for two months and I haven't heard anything from him, even on my birthday. My friends have tried to help me see that he basically broke up with me to be single and party every weekend. Despite all of the support from my family and friends I'm still devastated that my first love left me after 2 great years together. He was my first in every sense of the word and I'm just wondering if it's foolish to think that he might reach out to me one day/ ever come back?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well there's no doubt in my mind that he'll reach out in the future. You left off on relatively good terms and that's what people tend to do.

    But that could be months or years from now. And to wait on that will leave you miserable. It's not fun, but the only serious way to get someone back in your situation is to move on. Which sucks, because in your head you do want to move on. But you want to move on from the pain. But in your heart you really don't want to move on. That's why you're holding onto the idea of him contacting you again or coming back and reliving all of your firsts.

    You have to get your head and your heart on the same side, so that you can really move on and focus on doing things that are good for you. Like, talking with and maybe seeing other people. That's not to say it's easy and you probably don't want to date anyone else, because of your feelings for your ex. But it does help.

    Don't try to get another boyfriend. You don't even need to find a new sex partner. Just go out and meet new people and get to know them. Let other guys being attracted to you raise your self esteem a bit. And remind you that you are a catch. That you were pretty awesome before your ex and that you don't need him to be that awesome girl that people enjoy to be around.

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What Guys Said 3

  • # Step 1
    The first thing I do is embracing I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light. Recognising my inability to effect a desirable change is itself relieving.

    # Step 2
    I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

    # Step 3
    I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting for her to come back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    I focus on the good memories she brought to my life, and on things I would have loved to experience with her. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    I remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

    # Step 7
    I draw inspiration from my first breakup. I flash my mind back and challenge my behaviours and thoughts. My world didn't crumble. I dated beautiful girls after that. I then flash my mind back to current breakup. It then suddenly changes my perspective, confidence and mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.

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  • your wasting your time on someone deserve (zero) of your time to think about. so waiting for him to make you happy again perhaps will make you more miserable.
    If he knew your value.. he won't dare to leave a minute pass away without telling you how much he loves you. don't be sad, coz walk away at this time will make you able and strong.

    never regret, coz life and love such as an airport... arrivals and departures.

    Good luck...

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  • Yeah, I know how hard it is but it is 99 percent over. I'm sure. Been through similar myself.

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What Girls Said 1

  • My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me without telling me why. I guess I couldn't really tell you how to heal, because I have a hard time with that too... But think of it as, he's not worth your time. He wasn't the one, if he was, he wouldn't have left. You know what, I think I was strung along too. He told me was going to propose to me this year, but instead dumped me. He said he had the money for the ring, and knew exactly where and when he was going to propose, but it didn't happen. I think I was used. I know, when someone has been in your life for several years, you can't just forget them. But someday, you just need to let go and find someone else.

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