My Ex is still obsessed with his Ex?

Long story short my ex boyfriend and I broke up about five months ago. We've tried to be friends on and off a few times but it just doesn't work so now we are in NC. But I need to know something. My Ex is still obsessed with his ex before me. They only dated for about a month online. They've never met in real life and he says he was just smitten with her. The problem is she broke up with him about a year ago and they haven't spoken since. She's apparently getting married/gotten married already to someone else in Rl. He is still obsessing over her. Now that we are broken up and before we went NC it's all he could talk about was the possibility of her coming back to him. It drives me nuts because I've tried everything to comfort him about it. Keeping in mind he's said that she's the only girl he's ever truly loved, disregarding my feelings or saying his feelings for me were never really strong.. he constantly told me he loved me and how much I meant to him when we were dating... we dated for nearly five months (his longest real relationship) I mean harsh much? It's really quite sad that he is so delusional. I get it can take a lot to get over someone but I mean why? Why is he still so obsessed.. we ended because he had no regard for my feelings and really he was just an emotional mess. Never really emotionally available. I just don't get it. What's worse is that he makes me feel like I was just used so he wouldn't miss her as much. I want to talk to him about it because I really do think it's unhealthy and he needs to get therapy or something because I don't think he'll ever be able to hold a stable relationship till he moves on from this delusion. What can I do? I feel bad for him really.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He said his only relationship with her was online? Well then, he is living in a fantasy that never had the fruition to become a reality.
    Yes, fantasy can be much Lovelier than reality! However... He needs to wake the fuck up.
    Unfortunately he needs to drink a hard dose of reality.
    Yes, I get it that you like/love him and all even though you don't really admit it with what you're saying... in my opinion, the best thing that you can do is to leave him to his own devices... Alone.
    At the point when he starts Crawling Back to You wondering why you are ignoring him... You could explain that hey, I'm tired of waiting for you to come around comma if you have an interest in me you need to let me know because otherwise I'm just wasting my time. In other words... What I'm getting at is that's exactly what's happening between you and him... You are wasting your time. If he can't see what he has with you then he is not worth keeping in your life as a love interest... But if you do not leave him to his own devices, he will continue to take you for granted and will not have the opportunity to miss you or think about you or have a longing for you that you are seeking from him to find out what his true feelings are for you... My point is, is that he is probably not aware of it himself and you need to give him the time to figure that out and nothing does that quite better than the fear of losing someone and being alone to think about it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Why are you even bothering to be there for him? The guy's a loser and it sounds like has no worthwhile or positive role to play in u our life so why do you continue to let him stress you out with his dumb shit?

    He's obsessed with someone he "dated" strictly ONLINE for one month? Hahaha the guy doesn't even KNOW this "ex" of his!! She's an ideal he has built up in his head and he can't get rid of the thoughts of her because, having never actually et her, he's never seem her human imperfection. You, a real life woman, could never possibly be good enough in the face of this ideal he's foolishly stuck on.

    Cut him out of your life. He has a lot of growing up to do and it's not your responsibility to be there while he does it.

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What Guys Said 1

  • he's your EX.. move on... do nothing.. don't worry about him. You will never find another person until you get this guy out of your mind.

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What Girls Said 3

  • All you can do is move on from him. He is obviously in love with an illusion, because he has never met her in RL. When people meet on-line they build an imagine of what their lives could be like together, and what the person is like in reality. In most cases when two people do meet up their illusion becomes shattered, because the person is not what they imagined them to be. So he is obsessed with a girl he thinks he knows, but in reality their life together would not be what he imagined it to be.

    You did the right thing by ending it. I would never give a guy my heart when his belonged to someone else's.

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  • I guess because he didn't meet her in real life he's always thinking about what if, it really can make someone become obsessive over the fact that they'll never know! I know it's harsh on you but you really can't do anything, it's no longer your problem x

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  • im committed. Lets do this. Call u mine again and me yours. If u saw my interpersonal connections model youd realize its a modified equation that solves itself everytime. We're eachothers solutions. you cry. I cry. You smile i smile. Walk hand in hand. A Symbolic social penetration model. Revives itself everytime You and i.

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