So I fucked my best friends close mate now he wants nothing to do with me?

So I've been really close friends with this guy for over a year now and I knew he liked me, I first told him I wanted to be friends at the beggining of things as I didn't want to lead him on as I had just got out of a very messy break up. A few months later at a festival totally intoxicated me and one of his best friends had a one night stand, it never happened again and we never spoke. I felt bad at the time and that soon went away, however a year later his friend decides to tell him what happened and he's mad at me and I can't blame him.

I got him to come round mine to talk about it last night and he wanted to know what was going on between us as he was confused. I couldn't give him an answer because I'm confused on what I want myself. I had previously thought about taking things further with him but couldn't make up my mind so I didn't say anything as I didn't want to get his hopes up and lead him on (though apparently I've already done that.) In the end I had to decide what to do as I couldn't just leave him in this no mands land of not knowing. I told him lets just be friends, I've got too much going on right now to even think about a relationship with someone. But now I've lost my bestfriend and I'm not even sure if I've made the right decision or not. He's told me he's pretty much done with me, we'll still be friends but we'll never be like we use too.

I don't even know what to do right now!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's the problem: He always wanted to have sex with you. Always. Years ago when you saw him as a friend, he was your friend, but he REALLY wanted to have sex with you. And basically he missed his window. His best friend drove this point home in spades when he had sex with you after one drunk night. This guy is upset because he feels like he invested YEARS in you and still didn't get to have sex with you, while his mate managed to after one day.

    The lesson he needs to learn (and it's not clear he has learned it yet) is that if he's into a girl sexually, he has to make that known EARLY and he needs to pursue it OPENLY. Rather, he thought it made sense to hide his sexual attraction from you for months on end and to build up a friendship rather than to be transparent about what he wanted (sex with you) and approach you openly at a time you may have been more open to getting it on with him. In turn, he feels deceived and/or wronged by you, or at the very least judged unfit, unattractive, or un-fuckable as demonstrated by your willingness to get it on with his friend.

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    • thanks for most helpful!

Most Helpful Girl

  • if u never liked him and if u know that you''ll never like him i think you've made a brave desicion , because if you 2 kept talking and talking and hanging out and blah blah blah he would only be hurt knowing that you don't have any interest on him. so i think you've done good , now he will move on , find a girlfriend and maybe then he will text you and you will be best friends again. it's just a matter of time. good luck :)

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What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 3

  • Accept that it is what it is. You can't change your friends feelings or actions. Just your own. If he's still willing to be friends, then just be happy there is still something between you guys. Take it slow.
    Another reason why I think drinking to get drunk is stupid. You wouldn't have done his friend sober, would you? Cut back on the drinking. Nothing good ever came from getting that shitfaced.

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    • haha... nothing good from getting shitfaced alright but getting a good buzz going is ALWAYS good.

  • Just friends for now

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  • Yes you've fucked up but let it go, it's done u can't change the past. However don't keep him dwelling on the past with you., allow him to hurt and get over it in this regard time heals all wounds. . so give the necessary space

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