When is it ok for a spouse to walk out on a marriage for a few days without any explanation?

My friend and his wife came to my birthday party and we had a blast my friend took his wife home and returned. The next day his wife took off with no explanation, she returned in three days saying that she needed him to apologize for everything he did that night. Turns out he tried to snuggle with her and passed out and she had a difficult time getting him back on his side of the bed. When she was trying to move him he said don't mess with me. And f*** you dont mess with me, in his sleep. My question is, is this justifiable? I mean he drank a little to much that night and it was not cool what he said in his passed out state but is this a reason to walk out on your marriage?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Is it possible that there was more to the story of what went on that night? Perhaps something he said or did that night scared her.

    Otherwise, no, it wasn't right of her to leave for three days. Unless she was genuinely scared for her safety, she should have tried to work things out when the issue was still fresh.

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    • I thought there had to more to the story as well but that's all there was to it they talked about it and now he is wanting to go to couciling with her because he doesn't think that was right.

    • If that really, TRULY was the full story then I think she may require more than basic couples counseling, as her behaviour was highly irrational and not a reaction that a mentally healthy person would have.

    • That is all that happened, I did find out that she has been on heavy pain meds for a while and he thinks that's what the problem is. even though she came back he tells me that he is struggling with thoughts that she might run off again and what happens if he says something in his sleep, is she gonna run off again without a word? oh well they are gonna go to counseling now. hopefully they work things out, she made him stop drinking so maybe no more sleep talking for a while.

Most Helpful Guy

  • It is okay to leave if you need a little time to get your temper under control. Staying gone overnight is not okay unless she tells him where she is, explains why she is gone, and he either trusts her or has some way of verifying that what she is saying is true. Otherwise, she is giving him reasons to suspect that she is not being faithful to him.

    It sounds as if they both owe each other an apology but, more importantly, they both need to renew their commitment to making their marriage work instead of simply walking away when things are difficult.

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    • I understand that completely, I have had to get away for a few hours to chill out and then re address the situation... but three days without any reasons... that's messed up in my book.

    • Sounds like we have the same book.

What Girls Said 5

  • It's never okay to leave boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse without notice, it can make someone really worried and it shows a lack of communication. I think it's not justifiable if she couldn't move him, she could've easily just WOKEN him up and or moved to the couch. Such petty drama

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  • Chances are you're not getting the full story.
    Seems to me like he did something worse than mumble in his sleep.
    If he didn't do that in his sleep and he shouted at her or if he's a bad drunk then yeah. Her needing space is justified.

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    • Yeah I could see if he is a bad drunk but he isn't, I try to get him to come over sometimes and have a few but most of time he turns me down. He rarely gets out and that's what he was telling me that night was that he wished he could more, but hasn't been able to.

  • It's never okay to do that.

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  • When you're feeling unsafe it is good to remove yourself from the situation but if he's normally just fine, I would've come back as soon as he woke up and talked about it. Maybe he has some recurring issues she needed a break from.

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  • she needs help hey.. just my opinion

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What Guys Said 3

  • No it's not. I think their maybe more underlying issues if that all it takes for her to leave for days.

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  • Her anger is justifiable but not her actions. No one learns from punishment if they don't know why they were punished. Perhaps she just assumed that he was fully aware of and remember what he said. I hope they were able to work this out between them.

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    • yeah I could understand being mad but not leaving like that. they are working on it but seems such a small thing that it shouldn't have been a problem... at least not a big problem

  • No, it's not okay to do that.

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