How to Repair Damage?

Me and my ex dated for 5 years and were each others first loves. We have been broken up now for a little under 6 months. Our schools were 2 hours apart, for those years I was the only one with a car and since I was the only one with a job 90% of all meals, dates, trips where paid by me. I am not saying this as a complaint because honestly she was worth it, I loved her so much and she was amazing.
When college ended, she had another year left, I could not splurge with her the way I could nor did I have the ability to visit her as frequently. I moved out on my own and had living expenses that greatly reduced funds. I took on a second job on weekends just to I can maintain some level of what we had. With everything going and increased stress from it a distance grew between us. I felt I was failing her, I had proposing to her in my mind but wanted to be more financially secure. I fell into a depression that not only made everyday life harder but made the distance even greater. I began closing off emotionally and noticed an increased amount of fights. Since I wasn't communicating what I was going through she began to rationalize why this distance was happening. She thought it had something to do her then believed that I was cheating on her. Any time I conversed with anyone of the opposite sex when she was there turned into a fight. Eventually she concluded I just didn't care.
As the distance between us grew wider she grew closer with one of her classmates. This was discovered after we split. I got to point where I just became burnt out and almost emotionless, my life was filled with regret and sense that I was failing at everything, major depression. I also picked up an old habit I promised my ex I was done with, weed. Long story short it got to the point where I felt I was causing her nothing but pain and unhappiness. I convinced myself the only way I can turn this all around was for us to take a break so I can address the demons I had going on. I broke up with her.

Updates:
here's the question:
After a few stupid break up mistakes trying to get her back we went no contact for a month. Jan 31 I called her to apologize for the I acted, for lying about the drugs, and for the pain I caused her with the breakup. Before that point I sought professional help and ended getting diagnosed with adult ADHD. I began aggressive therapy with medication. I went back to school and found a career Im passionate about. In the convo she told me she is dating that friend.
After that I told her I am glad she is happy and wish her the best and placed the ball of at least reconnecting as friends on her court. I wished her the best.

I have grown so much during this time. With counseling my depression no longer has an impact on my life and noticed certain behaviors associated with ADD eradicating from my life. I never knew how much of an impact this can have on a relationship.

How can I begin to reopen communication with her?/ Bring up how I have changed?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry to say, you may or may not get her back. She is now in a new relationship, and you absolutely were a wonderful MAN about that!! Lots of guys would of snapped!! Let it take it's course. If it is meant to be it will be. In the mean time do not stop work inking on self improvement and bettering yourself and by all means keep your heart open to someone else!!! You are a young man!! The true love of your life could be around the corner and you may not even know it yet!! Good luck to you!!

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What Girls Said 1

  • If there's one advice I can give to those with depression, it would be to meditate on whatever the pain is that you're facing. I know it's a lot of effort, but it's worth trying. Seriously.

    A relationship ends because one person decided to call it quits. The damage can only be repaired if one person decides to try again, obviously. But make sure that you're in a better place. I'm telling you, MEDITATE. Calm your thoughts because it maybe have been your over thinking that caused you to become reluctant about your finances. Don't men realize that the women who loves him the most, is the women who will stand by you even if you were a freakin peasant?

    Hey, you're going to be okay. Stay strong.

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    • Oops, didn't see your updates up there. Makes my opinion a little less relevant. My bad.

    • No worries your response is still well received. I actually realized why The whole thing about finances and marriage affected me the way it did. The recession hit my family hard and my father lost his job. As a freshman in high school I witnessed finances tear my parents apart apart almost to the point of destroying their marriage. I guess witnessing that left an impression. Thats been dealt with. Thank you for words.

What Guys Said 0

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