Why do guys feel this way? Why do they do this to people that do everything for them?

I have been dating this guy for over four years and I am 18 years old. And he dumped me out of the blue for someone else at first than came back when he got rejected. And now we have been off and on. He says we can't be together because he is leaving for college and yet he says I just don't have those sexual feelings for you, but yet when were not together he begs for me back and misses me and says he loves me. But yet he wants to be my friend. Let me tell you I was his first girlfriend.. I truly thought he was the one? I quit don't understand any advice would be great!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he just using you for sex or physical attention. When he can't get it from anyone else he bounces back to you because in his eyes, you're a sure thing.

    Cut him off completely, you are young and deserve someone who wants to dedicate himself to you full-time if that's what you want.

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    • But yet he is letting me go because he's just not sexually attracted to me anymore iguess. But it just hurts that he comes back after like two months begging for me. And than he just has the urge to see what it is like with someone else he thinks he needs to be with other people before he knows I'm the one. I just don't understand why he would stay with me foe this long...

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    • I'm sorry but what do you mean by " your a sure thing"

    • He knows that you care and love him and if he comes begging for your attention, you'll respond with open arms. That's a sure thing in a nutshell. Hope that helps.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He is in the same place I am. Only difference is he is not being open with you. 4 years gets tough and you begin to question what you are doing and when you get too attached to someone you lose touch with yourself. He probably really loves you but doesn't know what he wants in the end. If ur his first then he is just curious of what its like to date other people. Him not feeling the sexual spark anymore is because he is confused and been with you for so long. Its normal. That's something that can be personal to him or just needs some spontaneous change from you in the bedroom like when you first had sex with each other. Him dating others is him trying to figure out himself. Me, personally, I let my boyfriend know how I feel about everything even if it may be hard for him to handle. Its sounds crazy, but I've once asked him if he'd allow me to talk to another guy and possibly have sex if I got that far. He was mad but said yes. He allowed it because at the time I was going through things I could not explain. After having sex with my boyfriend I would cry for no reason and much deeper feeling I can't explain. I wanted to know if it was just me or because of my boyfriend. I never had sex with that guy and he forgave me. And now since he's my first boyfriend I really love him but just curious of wanting to date other people. I feel if I don't have the experience now I will feel tied down in the future and may be a bad wife if I don't get the general experience out of my system. Although I'm scared to leave him, its a lot harder for him, but understands. We keep in contact but he let's me be and trusts me. He is scared too but he'd rather me get it out now than later when it is too late. Hope my story has helped. I know not many would allow that, but you can't explain the things you do for love. I would rather be honest and upfront than cheat and ruin something that can could have been talked out.

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    • Well he's leaving for college this fall so he can do whatever he wants down there.. their probably is no us because he will be down there for 2 years he will be able to do whatever he wants and I'm pretty sure he will find someone down there. Yeah you both are going through the same thing it just hurts for the other significant other

    • True, it will hurt, but maybe it is best in his eyes. If he feels tied down by you but really loves you, let him go and don't think so much. He's just scared to be single, but he knows it will let him grow and experience without hurting you. Id say let him go. You both need time for yourselves to become independent adults. In the future if he comes back, then that's up to you to try again. I know plenty of people in the military that have gfs at home and still are together. Its not about distance for your boyfriend, he just wants to get things out of his system and to experience what he should have, which is dating others. You both are way too young. He knows what he has with you. You really need to talk this out before he leaves and have a deep conversation about how he feels and what is best for you both with no hard feelings. Believe it or not, I bet you can look at any strong marriage and you will never know they have almost broken up for many reasons. Be supportive and let go.

    • I know I need to let him go... there's just no talking to him, he doesn't like to talk about his feelings because than he is all confused.. he's not the "talking about feelings latlet" he has changed so much... thank you all for your advice I appreciate it

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What Guys Said 3

  • Why do they lack romantic feelings? That I don't know, we are atttracted in the sub conscious. Maybe you are too much like a relative in his feelings?

    But why does he come back? He's confused. he likes how you treat him.
    Your choices are go into counseling or move on. counseling may be able to sort through what is going on.

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  • I think he just doesn't want to commit. He some fears or he might have his own reasons for not wanting to commit to you

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  • Some people do that. People of both sexes.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Cut him out. He's not worth your time because he can't commit to you. Even before the college thing (college is a legit reason to break up, it's very hard to maintain) he didn't choose you first. He left you for someone else and only came back because she said no. If she said yes, you wouldn't be hearing any of this. He doesn't truly care for you or want to be with you, he just wants the attention and affection you give him.

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  • I think your guy just can't handle being single. If he doesn't want to deepen your relationship and only wants you as some sort of facade girlfriend, I would suggest looking elsewhere.

    If he wants to be friends with you that's perfectly fine, but then call it what it is: friendship. He'll need to deal with the "scared of being single" issue eventually.

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    • But I dont understand why he would want to be friends with me when he said he doesn't want to get attached to me when he leaves for collage

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    • @Hastsezini Plus one on that

  • Be done with him. You're nothing but a booty call to him when he gets rejected. The only reason why he comes back is because he knows you're still clinging onto that hope that he'll run into your arms and be the perfect boyfriend forever and he will use that against you because of that tiny little hope, and also the fact you're his doormat. You're nothing but his little toy. Cut your ties from him and let karma bite him in the arse. Find yourself a real man who will love and cherish you and not play with your emotions and don't stick around this boy.

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    • But do you think he will ever relize what he had?

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    • @Hastsezini I've bee. Asking myself that a lot. I just don't understand why he would do this we were so in love...

    • Just because he said the words doesn't mean he felt what you felt. People change especially after high school. He definitely seems like he's keeping you around for his fall back girl. I would tread very carefully with him because of this, if you remain friends.

      I would definitely set boundaries (as a friend) with him and see how he handles it. Ultimately this is your life and you have to make the decision. You are potentially putting yourself in a situation where he can use you, and no one wants that for you, except for maybe him.

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