How do I get over my friend with benefits?

There's this guy who has been talking to me on/off the past 2 years but I always had a boyfriend. I'm finally single and about a month and a half ago he asked me to go out on a date but I told him I wanted to be friends with benefits. We slept together a few times and after the first time we slept together I asked a mutual friend who knows him better than I do if there's anything I should know about him and she said not to get involved with him because he likes to be in control so I completely changed how I acted towards him and became very cold and distant and bitchy only because I didn't want to get hurt. He knew I was still going on dates and he didn't like it and told me he didn't like sharing me etc etc. When we hung out he was very affectionate almost boyfriend-like but then via text he'd be cold and said he's not a good texter. We got in a big fight a few weeks ago that he started because he was being moody and when I started shutting him out in the argument he kept apologizing and trying to change the conversation. This past week we made plans to see each other again when I came back from my vacation and in that same conversation he asked me if I was seeing anyone and I told him I was talking to people but not necessarily seeing anyone and that I felt shitty about myself because of the things he said to me in the argument and he ended up ending the whole arrangement with me saying that there are things about me he didn't like blah blah blah and we didn't end on good terms. It's the rejection part that sucks and the fact that I know he would've liked my real personality but I tried so hard to be someone I'm not that I screwed it all up. I'm not sure how to get over it and my feelings are a bit hurt. His best friend who I was very close with when we were kids is also interested in me now and doesn't know about the arrangement but I can't stop thinking about the friends with benefits. I wish I could get a second chance to start over being my real self. How do I get over him/the rejection?


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What Guys Said 2

  • to be honest, you've dug a hole and buried yourself in it. you had to stop for a moment to know that your decisions were wrong, but unfortunately you didn't... which mean it's your fault.

    don’t bounce into another relationship, thinking that you’re okay... cuz you're not and you lost confidence... and that's will make others taking advantage of you.

    I'm not tying to blame you or making you feel guilty... but I'm trying to make you build hopes from what happened... cuz we are not perfect and everyone make mistakes.

    there're a lot of things that made you special, you just have to find them again and get them back.. which means you'll discover new things about yourself.
    just don't be harsh on yourself.

    Good luck...

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    • I know. I know I screwed up and I know I should've just been myself. I don't know why I let myself act the polar opposite of who I am just to feel more in control. I just keep hoping he'll text me so we can meet and talk about it and I obviously can't text him first because he's the one who ended if so the ball is really in his court. I can't stop thinking about him and I didn't think I had actual feelings until this week when I kept hoping he'd text me. I knew I should've just taken him up on his date offer but I didn't want a relationship which is why I offered the friends with benefits arrangement. I just keep wondering if he's thinking of me too which is silly because deep down I know he isn't

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    • What should I do then? I just feel like because he ended it and because it didn't end well, I'd look crazy if I messaged him first

    • sometimes when you force yourself to wait for someone... you just choose to be a misery. I know you wish if the time can go back to choose his offer... but you should give yourself a better offer like follow your own path, not one that others want you to follow... that called live your life.
      just spend time with people who make you happy while also not depending on other people for your own happiness.

  • girls doing stupid things. nothing unexpected

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