Crazy narcissistic soon to be ex-husband won't leave me alone?


I need help, I am newly separated from an alcoholic narcissist that I had been married to.
In short:
-he was sleeping with other women since a week after our wedding
-he missed the birth of our son because he was drunk and probably fucking the other woman
- he got lazy, chose to quit his job, get involved with drugs, and failed drug tests when a job "of his liking" came up
- he disregarded any of my feelings/ needs
- he used me as a nanny. All I did was cook/ clean/ watch his child from another relationship along with our child while he'd lie to my face about going out, and he would then disappear for days on end
- he'd keep me and the kids at the house all day with no vehicle, sometimes no phone or internet or TV while he'd go have a merry fucking time while telling me he was "going to go take care of it" or "going to hand in applications"
- he didn't care whether we had food or not
- any extra money went to him (video games, weed, alcohol) and not family needs. When I'd point it out as a problem he'd blow up about how he "deserves" it.
- he called me a whore, accused me of cheating, called me a failure of a mother and a whole lot more.

Fast forward to now,
I am living on my own with my son, back to teaching, and finishing my degree. My baby is well taken care of, we actually have clothes and food and fun activities we go do. This crazy ass man keeps messaging me saying things like:

"I'm sorry, I am kicking myself over and over again! I can't even look myself in the mirror for the way i treated you but that's not who I am. You know my heart is gold like yours."
"Yes I took advantage of an amazing relationship but don't throw this away so easily. Before saying no so quick think about our boy"

Paragraph after paragraph...
Will he ever give it up? I told him not to contact me anymore unless it is in regards to our son but the manipulative messages continue! Ladies, have you ever dealt with someone like this?

Updates:

There was never anything "beautiful" about our so-called "relationship". I fell in love with a facade, and the mask came off after our marriage. I tried to hang in for 2 years until I ended up depressed and on medication, feeling like a prisoner and emotionally unavailable to even my son. I tried changing myself, thinking I was always the problem, until an outsider made me realize what a monster he was. When I got out it was the most liberating feeling, and I have no intentions of ever going b

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This guy sounds like a real dirtbag! I still think you may be able to get a restraining order based on his responses to emails and phone calls. The court may allow him written communication only to your son. There's no reason to be constantly hassled by this jerk. Thankfully, he lives outside the country. Then again, getting visitation set up IS going to be complicated. Since he has a history of drugs and alcohol, his visitations may be required to be supervised ones only - and in the US only. Speak to your lawyer about that. This way, he can't "kidnap" his son and you never see him again.

    I'm glad you're out from that situation. My wife's ex was similar. She said the same thing about how liberated and free she felt after she kicked him out and her divorce became final. Because her ex made comments about killing her, and taking their kids to a gun range, his visitations were supervised for 2 years before he could see them on his own.

    I wish you the best. This is no easy time for you, but... it is going to get better over time.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You might have to block him. He probably won't stop contacting you. He wants to have it all, and he's probably tired of being broke and sees you as his meal ticket. Legal action might be necessary if anything escalates.

    Good job on having your life together though! That's a real accomplishment. I'm happy for you.

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    • Thanks, it's just really bothersome because I cannot completely cut off contact due to us sharing a child (even though he doesn't really even care about his son, his "daddy" card just makes him look good to the public, but behind closed doors he never gave a shit)

    • Show All
    • No, it's not in regards to CS. Our situation is pretty complicated, my son and I live in the US and he lives in Canada. I allow him to contact me to video call our son or inform me of visits he may be making. We are not legally divorced yet, as we have to be separated 1+ year before hand.

    • Keep doing what you're doing then, I suppose. Hopefully he'll take the hint.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Go to court and put a legal restraining order on him.
    The reason why is because he can't agree with your wishes to be left alone unless it's concerning your son.
    However, he can't be cut off completely since he is the father and has a right to see his son, if he is stable and a safe person.
    If not, then his access to you and your son needs to be restricted until then.

    Good luck.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Block him from everything!! Have you told anyone?

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    • I only have one outlet that he can contact me through now, I cannot completely cut off contact due to us sharing a child (even though he doesn't really even care about his son, his "daddy" card just makes him look good to the public, but behind closed doors he never gave a shit). However, I am keeping all of the messages he sends because if I ever need to use them in court...

      plus I keep my responses short and too the point. No emotion, no concern, just yes, no, or to the point. His have been nasty, harassing and over the top. You can just see the manipulation in a good 99% of them.

    • Oh, of course. You have a kid. Could you file a restraining order against him, and eventually get full custody of the kid?

  • No I haven't thankfully but I just want to applaud you for dumping his sorry ass. Good on you!

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  • Wow I know exactly what you're going through! I'm in the exact same boat with you. The only difference is I made him understand that I can live without him, yes I had crazy messages like that too and I eventually blocked all the messages until I was able to have a non emotional rational conversation with which took over a damn year until he realized it. So yeah I'd say ignore his ass keep going on your own and find a better man unless your still ex is willing to go through therapy.

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