Guys, once a cheater, always a cheater?

My ex (age 31) and I were together for 5+ years and he cheated more than once. He says it was mever emotional which still doesn't ease the pain. We've been apart going on 2 years and he says he wants to get back together. I am very skeptical because of his past cheating. Also, when he has dated during this time apart, we have still slept together which confuses me. I know I shouldn't have continued to sleep with hin. He says that he can change and he wants to change... can I believe him or once a cheater always a cheater?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Always a cheater, regardless. Everyone is a cheater. They just don't know it until it happens. Monogamy is not natural to humans--otherwise, there wouldn't be millions of people cheating right now. It's simply not in our DNA. It takes cognitive effort to not have sex with multiple people. Women tend to desire "only one" for awhile--although studies have suggested that women cheat more than men, and vice versa: who knows--but they tend to double dip, too. It's a natural thing.

    People can change. They usually don't change in any drastic, meaningful way. But it is possible. It's just whether or not you want to take the risk--a risk which you will be taking either way, really. Particularly with some other guy you don't even know. What makes some random guy a better bet than one you already know? If he cheats again, then you know.

    If he fucks up again, then you just bail again. Tell him it's his last shot, and if he cheats again, then you're out permanently and won't keep in contact with him whatsoever.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Normally but not always.
    If the guy just cheated once on a drunk night then its believable that it was a one time mistake and he would never do it under normal circumstances.
    However if the guy has cheated multiple times then its fairly obviously its not just happening on accident and even if he doesn't cheat again is it really worth perusing a relationship where you always have it in the back of your mind whenever you see him communicating with another girl if he is cheating on you with her?

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  • sorry for what happened... but when he said he'll change... mean he's going to be more secretive about cheating you for the next time.
    cheating is optional thing, so don't let him blame you or blame yourself for what happened.
    your skeptical feelings mean you're right about him, just trust your instincts and don't wait for promises from a cheater.
    say no and move on.

    Good luck...

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  • Did he have a girlfriend, and did you have a boyfriend in the two years you both were apart? If yes, him and you have the capacity to cheat on each other in the future should you guys reunite.

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  • Hi there from being in the guy side of the cheater has he changed for the better? If so sit down and listen to each other. Does he have remorse for what he did. I know him seeing other women is just trying to fill in the void that you filled. Ask him deeply if he wants you and him to work and how committed he is do making it work. If he does than give it a shot.

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  • I don't believe that at all. I believe that if people genuinely want to change and improve themselves, they can.

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  • He's not gonna change. A lot of guys say that to the girl they cheated on because if the girl takes them back then that means the girl is much easier to walk all over than finding someone new. He's gonna continue to cheat on you, he'll just be more secretive about it. Would not recommend giving him another chance.

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  • I think if they do it once I'll probably do it again my wife has done it to me several times

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