Ex says me not thinking being friends will work means I don't love her?

My ex and I have been broken up for over a week now, we were no contact for 4 days after I laid it all out on the line trying to get her back to no avail until today she called me to tell me she hasn't been able to stop thinking about me and missed me and loved me. I surprised her by her car after work with flowers because a problem in the relationship was me not doing stuff like that as much anymore. She was happy to see me and loved the gesture and we talked for two hours and I figured out that she wanted to get back together but felt like she would look dumb if we did and nothing actually changed (my effort). I swore to her up and down that I would make things right and keep them that way and laid out a very good plan to do so. She kept going back and forth with it a lot and finally we decided to each go home to think some more about it. The one thing I was having trouble with was responding to her saying that if I really loved her as a person then I should want to be friends and be ok with that rather than us not knowing each other anymore (if we don't get back together). I kept trying to explain how painful that would be for me and that I do love her but love her as my SO and my best friend. If her decision is to move on then us being friends will only get in the way of future relationships and ruin those and put us both through a lot of pain along the way. It's so hard because I kind of feel like I'm manipulating her by offering up the two options of getting back together or nothing. I don't want that to be the case but I really don't see any way we could possibly just be friends and have it not turn out very very bad for both of us.

I have two questions here that could really help me out. 1. Does me not seeing us as being friends as possible and practical mean I don't love her? and 2. How can I explain this to her and get it through her head that being just friends isn't the right thing to do and why it has nothing to do with my love for her.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude, you have every right to make demands. It is in your best interests to tell her that either you two are together or not at all. Her wanting you two to remain friends is just a covered up way of saying that she wants you to stick around in the vicinity as plan B until she exhausts other resources. Do. Not. Do that.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Well she's wrong.
    If you love someone, and if you're not able to see her as a friend, because you would be afraid to catch feelings for her again or something, you should totally let her go

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  • No, dont settle for less. Your feelings are both strong right now, but maybe you should have let a little more time pass before you talked again, but thats all up to the person. If you agree to being friends you'd only hurt yourself in the long run. Ask her if she can really sit there and watch you be with someone else? Ask yourself that also. Ask her how she would feel in your position. It'll be tough but give it time and focus on putting yourself together. Give it time and if nothing seems to work, move on.

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