I tried to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years and he guilted me into staying?

I still care about him deeply. Two years is a long time to be with someone after all. But I decided to break up because he's just simply not what I want. He has personality flaws that I'd forgiven or overlooked up until now, but I realize I just can't live with them long term. That and the fact that we don't connect like I want to. I feel like we're roommates that have sex rather than best friends or partners.

Anyway, I tried to break up last week and he reacted much more dramatically than I was expecting. He was heartbroken and angry and kept saying he couldn't be without me, he would do anything to keep us together, he wants to get married and have kids and grow old together. It upset me so much that I agreed to stay and work on things. But I really don't think this is something that can be fixed.

What should I do? Even if he does change his personality for my sake, I'm still not sure that would fix things. I was very resentful after all of this because I felt like I was guilt tripped into staying. And every time I gave him an example of something I didn't like (I only said because he asked), I was met with excuses and him trying to justify his mistakes.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's hard to be the one who breaks up with the other. At this point, he guilted you, and if he cares about you enough, he would've let you go. He would realize that you being happy was outside of him.

    The feelings he has for you are real, and you breaking up with him, probably out of the blue, is a lot for him to process. He's not sure what he's doing, and he's becoming very needy– which from your point of view isn't very attractive.

    At this point, you should do what you want. My ex came to the same ultimatum, and I'm sitting here 6 months later, content with her decision. All I want is for her to be happy because at the time I cared a lot for her. Guys go through the phase of what are they doing wrong, how can they "quick" fix. Every guy goes through it.

    Don't be stuck, I'd break up with him, don't pull any clichés. If anything either give him a reason as to why, or don't at all. Don't contact him for a month at least. Don't do anything out of spite. And don't go and immediately date someone else if you care about his feelings. Work on yourself.

    Best of luck :)

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    • This is really helpful, thanks! And don't worry lol - if I manage to break up with him, I won't be ready to date again for a long time!

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's clear you've already made your decision. Obviously you don't wanna be with this man anymore. You tried to break it off once but you failed, no biggie, just try again. This time I suggest you really put your foot down and stick to the plan which is to break up with him. He has no right to guilt trip you into staying.

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What Guys Said 2

  • First, you shouldn't let someone guilt you into a relationship. That only dooms your relationship and is usually the first sign of what turns out to be an abusive relationship.

    It sound to me that you have come to realize that this relationship isn't going to work. So I ask you, is it fair to him or yourself to stick with a relationship that will only fail? The longer you go, the worst it's going to be when it finally falls completely apart. Think about, will it be easier or harder with you get married? Have kids?

    No matter what you do, he is going to have hurt feeling, but sometimes you have to think in the long term. A little pain now, will save a lot more pain later.

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    • That's exactly how I've been thinking. I feel like if I don't end it now, I'll want to end it in 10 years when we have kids and it'll be a big mess. :/

      Your answer is really helpful, thank you!

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    • That's so great to hear. I'm very happy for you! That gives me hope.

    • I think most people will feel the way you do at some point in their lives. I know very few people who married the first girl/guy they feel in love with. I also know that most people, do find a love again, and most the time they are happier with that love. I'm not going to lie and say everyone dose, but I would say most do.

  • Let him go, simple and precise, and don't give in, in the future. Its important to see that this is bothering you and that you are at the end of the road in this chapter. Do him a favor, don't hang him at the end of a string and play with him, end it, get it done fast and leave it at that.

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