I've been with my boyfriend for a few years now. We were just talking about getting married and having kids. And the next day, he breaks up with me and tells me that he hasn't been happy for a long time now. WTF. What am I missing? How am I suppose to move on? I feel like he blindsided me.
Most Helpful Girl
You were not missing anything and indeed he blindsided you. Do not get into the funk that you missed something or that you trusted when you shouldn't have or that you're dumb. Please try to take in all of what I'm saying rather than finding one point and disagreeing with it, thereby missing everything that I'm about to say. I don't want you to discount the entire gestalt because of a singular opinion of mine that may be incorrect.
First of all, he has been thinking of breaking up with you for quite some time. It doesn't matter why, it matters that is how he felt. You understand that there is a difference between what he was thinking versus what he felt, what he was feeling. He did not discuss this with you because it avoided a confrontation. The fight was unnecessary, why he was in a situation that was comfortable. He was lying to you, not directly but by what is called lying by omission – if you Google, "lying by omission" it will give you a deeper understanding of what I'm saying. Misrepresenting your relationship by not telling you all of how he felt and allowing this lie to persist was easy for him because you wanted this misrepresentation to be real. He just went with the flow. Whatever your living situation was he liked it it was comfortable. He allowed you to have a positive feeling regarding the relationship because at first that's exactly how he felt but the change was never picked up by you because he gave out no signals that it wasn't. A guy like that is not in touch with his feelings. He didn't even know scratch that he didn't even feel his own negativity because it crept up slowly and he wasn't in touch in the first place.. It is very difficult if not impossible to pick up how the other person feels if he doesn't give out signals because he's not in touch with those signals in the first place. Those are the kind of people that go to psychiatrists and the first question in the shrink asks is, "are you happy?" And the patient answers, " well I think I..." And the psychiatrist said I don't want to hear what you think I want to hear what you feel!" It baffles the patient!
I promise you that is what was happening. You then get into a discussion about marriage children in the little house with the white picket fence and all of a sudden he is confronted with well how you feel about this relationship?" It scares the crap out of them as reality hits him like a baseball bat. It's not like he gets in touch with his feelings over this1