Help! How can I get over a good man?

My ex was a perfect boyfriend. He always spoiled me and never laid his eyes on other girls when we were together, but he dumped me. He said I was too high maintenance. I had been trying to changed it before the breakup and asked for a second chance, but I don't see his coming back. He has already moved on and dating some other hotter girls. I am not trying to get him back anymore, which I know I can't, but it feels like shit and I don't know what to do. I have no friends and no family. I only had him, which is probably one of the reasons that pushed him away.

I want to change myself for better for the next guy, but everything is too hard without him. I am trying to make friends too, but I can't talk about this to new people I meet. They would walk away from this hot mess. Some people have, so I stopped. I feel exhausted trying to pretend I am not a heartbroken person in front of people. I need to talk to someone about my feelings.

I stopped trying making new friends now. I perform badly at work. Cry all the time after I get home. I am not becoming a better person. I am still the same dependent one. It has already been two months but I am still a mess, and I think I am getting fired soon too.

What should I do?

Updates:
We had been together for two years. It's so much harder to make friends when you are not in the uni anymore. I lost my old friends because of the ex before this one. I was in such a bad place and this guy saved me. Now, he is gone. I am in the much worse place. I didn't lose a dickhead like I did before. I lost a good man I couldn't keep.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh dear! Hold yourself together. I know it's easy said than done. PM me if you want someone to talk with.

    The fact is, there are many great guys out there right now who are looking for a girl like you.

    Few weeks or months down the line, you would look back to your current situation with a smile, andwished you had handled the situation differently.

    In my last breakup, the following worked for me; it could work for you too.

    # Step 1
    The first thing I do is embracing I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light. Recognising my inability to effect a desirable change is itself relieving.

    # Step 2
    I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

    # Step 3
    I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting for her to come back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    I focus on the good memories she brought to my life, and on things I would have loved to experience with her. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    I remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

    # Step 7
    I draw inspiration from my first breakup. I flash my mind back and challenge my behaviours and thoughts. My world didn't crumble. I dated beautiful girls after that. I then flash my mind back to current breakup. It then suddenly changes my perspective, confidence and mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It just takes a little time, and you'll be ready to move on.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm on the same boat unfortunately.

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