Hi everyone, My girlfriend just broke up with me out of the blue. Literally didn't see it coming, and it broke my heart because I was blindsided. She said I didn't do anything wrong, and that I treated her so amazing and was so wonderful to her. But she said she doesn't feel like she's putting as much effort in as I do. She said she feels like she's only been giving 70% and I've always given 110%, which she said isn't fair to me. and she said part of this is that she doesn't love herself right now and feels like she can't fully love me until she loves herself. She mentioned that sometimes I was a bit needy/dependent and wasn't positive all the time, but she said that didn't affect her decision. (I think she was throwing me crumbs because I kept asking if it was my fault). I mean I think maybe it's because we spent too much time together. We spent almost every day and night together (besides during work hours) since our third week of dating. We never had much alone time, but that never bothered me. Maybe she lost her sense of independence and self? I just don't know what to do because this was my first serious relationship (I'm 24) and she's had one other serious relationship (she's 22). Does anyone think her reasoning makes sense? Can someone really throw away so much love just to work on themselves? She said she won't rule out us getting back together. So I'm trying to be hopeful but all my friends are telling me to move on for now. Any advice? I'm lost... Sorry for the long post but any advice is greatly appreciated.
Most Helpful Girl
Loving yourself first is important but after 10 months I'm sure there is more to it than that. The fact that she even mentioned you've been needy is a big sign that it's turned her off. We've all been there, especially when you're not receiving all you should out of a relationship and your needs aren't being met. If she wasn't giving you her all, I would assume it's just not the right time to be together. You guys spent a lot of time together. Perhaps more time apart and giving each other the opportunity to miss one another from time to time should've happened. Maybe it will just from this break up and she'll realize how much you mean to her. Hang in there2
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Most Helpful Guy
Her stated reason is an excuse. This is a fairly common excuse among women in that age range. She doesn't want to hurt you more than necessary, so she is trying to take the blame. But there is something else going on. Maybe she is tired of being with someone who she perceives as needy, maybe she realizes that she doesn't love you and she never will, maybe she found someone else (especially since this came at you suddenly and unexpectedly.)
"Maybe we can get back together." That is another way that she thinks will let you down easier. She wants to do that because she feels guilty about the breakup and she doesn't want to think too badly of herself, but. . . you're never going to see her again. Don't hold onto any hopes of reuniting with her. It's not gonna happen.
Learn your lessons from this experience. Think about why she left you. Think about what it felt like for her. Try to see it from her perspective and then think about how you could change yourself so you can be a better partner. Then move forward with your life.2
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