Love or financial stability - help?

I met this wonderful man - I am in love with him and he makes me feel like the top of the world. He treats me like a princess and is so respectful and it is just easy, comfortable and happy. Kind of man a girl dreams of.

Problem is. He is 22 and I am 28.. I have a good ish career and feeling broody / want the whole house and kids thing before I am too old. I talked to him about it and he has agreed he wants all that with me - but I feel guilty for stealing his youth as i will want that sooner than him (my best years were between 22 and now!)

Also - here is the main issue. He is a photographer and also has a lot of student debt and is bad with money. I know i could find someone more age appropriate with a "proper" job that could give me the security of house and kids and never have to worry about things again.

But makes me such an awful person dumping someone because of that? But at the same time - what will life be if we struggle through it? Also am worried the love isn't that deep as in we do not have a lot in common or have deep conversations - it is more just a happy feeling of love and comfort - so not sure it will last anyway.

Problem is - he is getting very attached and I love him so do not want to break his heart or lead him on - and i am not getting younger... Such a dillemna- any advice!


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. First, as a physics major, I love the name physicsgirl.
    2. Even if he is not good with money, are you? If so, then you should be able to handle the finances. What is important is this: Is his kob steady and does it pay well? Student debt may be an issue, but he is young and as long as A) the income is steady and B) you two are not foolish with money, you shoukd be able to make it.
    3. Don't worry about "stealing his youth"; you aren't. There are two kinds of men: A) Those who are responsible and relationship and family oriented even from a young age and B) players / partiers who will try to hold on to youth and have fun as long as they can. I don't know which kind your photographer boyfriend is, but that will tell you a lot about the decision that you need to make because if he is the first kind of man at 22, then that is a major asset and you definitely would not be "stealing his youth".
    4. Do not underestimate the fact that, with the age difference and him being so young, you can likely mold him quite a bit into the man you want.
    5. You didn't tell us what you do for a living... Will you be bringing significant money to this relationship?
    6. To save money and make child-rearing easier, would it be possible to live with parents (yours or his)? This will help considerably in so many ways...

    I am under the impression that you have not been with him long. If so, you need to keep in mind that you may need more time to discover who he really is although you also have that molding capability.

    If you do decide to break-up with him, he will wonder why. In that case, show him this thread;it is vitally important.

    • This is the thing. Living with parents and stuff - not what i imagined from my life. I was hoping to meet a man who could at least match my income so we could live and have a nice lifestyle.

    • The point about living with parents is that you can save money (lower housing costs) and effort (free day care). It doesn't have to be permanent, but does help with saving so the debt can go aeay faster. Believe me: in the past (and not long ago...), multiple generations of a family typically lived under one roof because they weren't rich. Around the first 20 years after WWII, the tide began to turn with the rise of the middle class courtesy of various factors: the GI bill, unions, America rebuilding Europe, military spending, America as the leading industrial power, and the need for manufacturing jobs since this was before hi-tech. The past 35 years have systematically been killing the middle class so living styles are returning to that of the Depression. So, there is no shame in moving in with family; it's the best tactical decision to save money and later live on your own. Keep in mind that boyfriend is young has many years to ply his trade and make serious $.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If he can't give you security then this is doomed. Think back to your early 20s. Hiw much have you changed? The same thing will happen to him and you'll eventually grow apart, but then you also have kids and stuff that come into the equation so do the right thing and break up before it's too late.
    You'll find someone who's on the same page as you...


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What Guys Said 2

  • You've just got to try and do an honest prediction of what the future would look like and decide if it's viable. To me it looks like there's too many cons from your position.


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What Girls Said 4

  • there are struggles in marriage, some would say why create extra unnecessary ones such as them being bad with money? Last time I heard money problems were the number 1 reason for divorce. On the other hand, struggling together and being pushed out of your comfort zone together can also strengthen your bonds as a couple to a greater level of ecstasy if you decide to push past the adversity.

  • He sounds childish...

  • FFs it's only 6 years...

  • Why not wait for him? Sure, you'll have a house and kids a little later than you expected, but that's just a small sacrifice for love. Otherwise you may just settle for any old smuck with money just to have a family with.