Left the ball in his court?

Boyfriend started pushing me away after many years together. Stress and pressure caused it o think and he just blocked me out.
We have broken up but I wanted to talk through it but he just wouldn't speak to me, just kept saying he felt nothing and went into a man cave.
I told him I would leave him alone and to let me know if he wants go chat. Nearly half way through no contact and nothing. Am I doing the right thing leaving him alone?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • unfortunately, the old addage, "You can take a horse too water" is all too true.

    Forcing yourself on him is only going to make things worse.
    A reminder from time to time you are there and letting him come to you is good.

    For your own self care I would recomend setting a boundary - decide on a limit and tell him.
    "Say, I don't want to pressure you, but if I don't hear from you by XXX I'm going to have to assume you are no longer interested in the relationship."
    That opens the door for him to even just touch base with you and tell you he needs more time if that is what he needs, but it gives you a boundary you can work with if things don't bounce back.

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    • Thanks. Well our 5 year anniversary is supposed to be on the 22nd 😔. He has probably given up as said to me before about relationships when it's over its over so if he sticks by that then I prob won't hear from him again.

    • sorry to hear it

Most Helpful Girl

  • Just read olderandwiser s comments.
    I have an ex like him. He is in his 40s. And went throght a few good women. It's not us... It's him. Move in and find someone else.

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    • Don't think I have a choice to be honest, seems he has does a runner lol x

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    • Yeah. Well I chased at the start as I know how insecure he can be etc but it got thrown back so me really so I told him I would leave him alone. Not sure I can imagine it being happy ever after now anyway, it's all gone down the toilet. X

    • Also yeah he is very sensitive.. X

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • You should leave him alone for the rest of your life. He has shown a lack of commitment to your relationship; having the comfort of being alone is more important than your relationship. Do you want a long term commitment to someone who won't honor the commitment in a way that you consider appropriate?

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    • Yeah it has shown a new side to him to be fair and got me curious why other relationships failed. Since we started looking at buying a house arguments started and it should be a happy time. Think he worries about losing control and not being able to escape and things like that. When he struggles with something he runs away. Which is a sign to me I won't hear from him again anyway.

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    • You can't save people from themselves.

    • Yeah I know. Interested to see if he clears whatever is going on in his head or not.

  • can't force someone to be with you, sounds like it's over and if he doesn't want to put on his big boy pants and work shit out, he's never going to have a grow old type of relationship.

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    • Yeah I agree. Such a shame!!!

  • Yes.

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    • I wonder if he will speak to me again x

  • Yeah if he doesn't want to anything nothing you can do about it. If you don't hear from him soon I'd suggest moving on.

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    • Thanks. I did try to get communication out of him for two weeks and got nothing. I then went round there and he looked a mess. He said he was really happy. Very odd.
      Apologised for a comment I made when I saw him which I said in anger and emailed him saying I didn't mean it and here if he wants to chat but I would leave him alone now (which he wanted)

  • No no, you are suppose to do something else with his balls

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What Girls Said 1

  • If he wants to be left alone then I'd respect that.

    He's the one pulling away so he's the one who will need to make an effort with you. You've tried to reach out to him , there's only so much fighting you can do alone For a relationship to survive both people need to fight to make it work. It won't work if only one of you is making the effort

    So it's up to him now to decide what he wants. He knows where he stands with you, so it's up to him now to let you know where you stand with him

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