He was with somebody the whole time I was seeing him. How do I get over him?

Essentially I was the "side chick" without even knowing it. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I don't know how to even begin to deal with this. I thought he was the one, there were so many signs and the connection was crazy. I've never loved someone so much and I've never been hurt by someone so much. We didn't even end things because of this, but it all came to surface now. We haven't spoken in almost a week now. I'm not sure if he was with her while he was with me, because I know he'll never tell me the truth if I ask. I cut off all ties with him, but my heart is absolutely heartbroken. I had a really bad relationship before him and I thought things would be different, I guess since he was so different. I'm never the one for anyone and I guess thats what hurts... but any tips? I'm not good with heartbreak or keeping my emotions in check... I'm confused, hurt, I feel used...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Do stuff you enjoy bud doesn't involve him in any way. Don't think about him, he doesn't deserve your attention. Best way not to think about something is not to "not think about it" but to think about something else. Examples of things to do:

    Good: Reading fun/cool books (Good Omens it's funny), learning a language.
    Bad: Learning to throw knives using his photo on a tree, then playing flamethrower with a spray can, a match and said photo. A better alternative would be using a normal 10-1 target printout.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to allow yourself to grieve this relationship. The wound is pretty fresh and that is why you are hurting so much.

    This situation happened to me. I was dating a guy and I found out he was seeing other people (god only knows how many people he was seeing at the same time as me). Yet he told me he wanted to be with me. I only found out at the end that he was seeing other people. I thought we were exclusive as that is what we had discussed and he told me he wanted to be my boyfriend. Unfortunately, he wanted to be with everyone. He has a problem.

    Focus on yourself, find a good support circle. Find people who if at 2am you are crying, you can call them and they will talk to you. It's okay to be hurt, and to feel angry, and to cry. But also try to do constructive things with your time. Spend time doing things you enjoy, with friends and people who actually do care about you. This will help you move on.

    Eventually it will start to hurt less and you won't think of him as much. You will find someone new and be much happier (trust me on this one!). Eventually you will find someone who is going to respect you and not cheat. Someone who you can depend on and you will be glad that this other guy is out of your life.

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    • this sucks so much, I'm just going to focus on my job and going to school. this is still a lousy feeling... we were really close i let him in too deep and i feel betrayed.

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    • It's not your fault. You just have been unlucky in love. Try to figure out if there are any similarities between this guy and the other's who have done this. Sometimes taking a break in dating will help you gain some clarity as to what kinds of traits you need to avoid in guys. It sucks so much when you give so much to a guy and then he leaves you. I've been there. But it will get better, and you will eventually find a guy who will treasure you! :)

    • Thank you! I wish you all the best!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • You should give it time. I know that it's difficult to be in a situation like the one you're living now, but time heals all wounds. It will hurt, you won't be able to get over it for a while, you'll think about it, it's completely normal. Meanwhile, you should try to continue your live, to allow yourself to live new situations, to understand that that guy wasn't worth your attention.

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  • Well it's your own fault you shouldn't be cock riding with bad boys and players. Your probably another girl who passes up good caring average nice guys.

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    • i don't really turn anyone down because i don't start anything to begin with.

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    • no I'm not typically a people person lol

    • What your saying is your an introvert who is constantly at home? Well nice guys are flooding your inbox with messages then, I probably could put my bottom dollar on it

  • don't talk to him again

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What Girls Said 6

  • I'm so sorry. Betrayal is excruciatingly painful. It can take a while to recover emotionally.

    When you put your trust in someone you get one of two results... a friend for life or a lesson in life. His deceit, lies and betrayal are evidence of his true character , so although the pain is still raw just now, in time you'll be thankful you aren't still with a guy you almost settled for

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    • i feel gross and worthless. he was lying to me the whole time..

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    • thanks for being so kind, its been a few days and i do feel much better, still a little disappointed and it still hurts but i will live, i do deserve better, at least i know that i truly cared about him and i did eeverything right. if he didn't stay, that problem is with him. not me.

    • I'm happy to know you are feeling better. Once the pain subsides , feelings start to fade... then you realise your own worth.

      I think once people can separate what they want and what they deserve , then it's easier to move on from the hurt. You seem to realise that now. Good luck ❤

  • Just realize that you didn't do anything wrong and he was the player! Try to not make the same mistake twice, and the next guy ask him if he is seeing anyone because you are interested

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  • Have you talked to the other girl? Maybe she ahs no idea and you two could work together towards resolving this.

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  • Be messy and save all texts, screenshot everything and send it to his girlfriend. If he is going to play with your feelings at least make shit uncomfortable for him

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    • i did lol, i followed her on twitter and told him that "i hope things work out this time :)" but i ain't really mean it lol. just to make it uncomfortable. he probably thinks I'm crazy but i don't really care how he feels anymore. that was the petty in me lol. this just hurts, we were super close and i don't know if i loved him but this hurts a lot, regardless :/

  • what darkfairie said...

    just use this as a life experience. i am a lot more cautious now with guys.
    i have met diff. clowns. lol one was living with another woman... easy to tell... i knew... i played along... i should have done something... but i just told him off and made fun of him for being a creep and a liar and that he can't never be with me because i am too good for him.

    i met another one. he was very nice to me. but he has a lot of other issues. diff. kind of story...
    the point is we will go through life meeting all sorta of people and we will learn. unless you decide to stay single.
    take some time to heal and you will meet someone who will treat you the way you want.
    stay strong

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    • this sucks so much :( we were really close i guess i had the wrong impression

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    • okay... live and learn. there is no need to feel confused. he is not the one, you move on. you are doing the right thing to have no contact with him since he is with someone else. so that you can heal properly. there are good (which you shared) and bad in every relationship. i always try to think about the good when a relationship ends.

    • i had trouble sleeping all night, i feel very betrayed. i never really want to see him again. i thought he felt for me.

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