I don't know how to move on?

Planned my future with someone and my life has changed so much since we got together. Back then I used to go clubbing and now none of that interests me etc I have changed a lot. He has cut me off completely after five years and being my first proper boyfriend I literally don't know how to start with moving on. I have never been completely cut off from someone before when they was such a big part of my life.
The routine change at the moment especially at the weekends is so hard and I just feel so lost and lonely.
I have friends but they all go their own way now all loved up and children and stuff, everyone has just gone their own ways. Work friends aren't nearby as I commute in quite far. I feel miserable and can't focus on my studies anymore which I do at weekends. I know I sound pathetic but I am just looking for advice really as people keep telling me to move on but I literally don't know how.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Oh dear! Hold yourself together. I know it's easy said than done. The fact is, there are many great guys out there right now who are looking for a girl like you.

    In my last breakup, the following worked for me; it could work for you too.

    # Step 1
    The first thing I do is embracing I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light. Recognising my inability to effect a desirable change is itself relieving.

    # Step 2
    I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

    # Step 3
    I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting for her to come back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    I focus on the good memories she brought to my life, and on things I would have loved to experience with her. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    I remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

    # Step 7
    I draw inspiration from my first breakup. I flash my mind back and challenge my behaviours and thoughts. My world didn't crumble. I dated beautiful girls after that. I then flash my mind back to current breakup. It then suddenly changes my perspective, confidence and mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.

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    • Thank you. Very helpful, long year for me then lol x

    • Don't mention. It will come to pass. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Feel free to pm if you wish. We could become friends.

  • Break ups suck. Its one of life's hard challenges that most of us have to deal with at some point in our lifes.

    You have to give yourself time to grieve. I find a useful method is to allow myself a specific amount of time, say a month, to feel like shit. Cry it out. Wallow in pity etc. But after that time I literally motivate myself to meet new people and get back out there dating and force myself to have fun. It eventually does make me happy and forget about what happened.

    Join a social group. Have a look on the Internet for meet ups in your area. Hope this helps.

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    • Thank you, it will definitely be one step at a time, he has completely cut me off after five years just cos he didn't know how he felt anymore. My heart is broken into bits. As I have no answers or anything, and it's just a struggle really.

What Girls Said 1

  • Just try to forget about him and try to come up with a new schedule.

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