When you break up, are you comfortable with not being in a relationship for several months or longer?

When you break up, are you comfortable with not being in a relationship for several months or longer?When I have a break up, I will mourn slowly for a very long time. . . and I immediately want to start dating again. I don't think those two processes are mutually inconsistent. I don't want to settle down with the first woman I meet, but I need some immediate reassurance that I can still attract and hold the interest of a woman. Of course other people tell me not to do it, that I should take time for myself, etc., blah, blah, blah. . . but who the fuck cares what their friends think on a subject like that? I haven't gotten into any horrible rebound relationships and I don't think I have used anyone, hurt them, or led them on. Besides, isn't it PC to be green and recycle?

How do you react when your partner pulls the plug on what you had been thinking was a "perfect" relationship?

  • I've never been in a relationship, so I've never had a break up.
    22%(11)27%(21)Vote37%(10)
  • I'm in my first real relationship and I hope it never ends.
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  • After a break up, I don't even think about dating again for at least 6 months.
    35%(18)28%(22)Vote15%(4)
  • After a break up, I don't even think about dating again for at least 3 months.
    10%(5)12%(9)Vote15%(4)
  • After a break up, I don't even think about dating again for at least 1 month.
    20%(10)15%(12)Vote7%(2)
  • After a break up, I start looking as soon as I see the ex in my rear view mirror.
    9%(5)12%(9)Vote15%(4)
  • I start looking as soon as I think we are going to break up.
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't have a set time limit on it, but I don't really want to jump into another relationship after just breaking out of one. I prefer being single for a little while at least. I might still say yes to dates or flirt back with guys, but I want to make sure I'm over the last relationship before getting into anything exclusive or more serious.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I nver waited more than a few weeks, maximum a month.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I find it hard letting go of someone I love, so after a breakup it takes a long time before I can date someone new. If I did start dating while still healing it'd be unfair to him and me , because I'd constantly be wishing he was my ex.

    So I spend time alone to deal with the pain, and negative feelings and emotions.

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  • I've been in more situationships then i've been in relationships. But for me how i deal with those situationships is i leave a time gap between every person i dealt with because i do need time to myself to breathe and think things over. It's more of a session for recovery for me and through each situation i learn a huge lesson when i take time off. As of now i'm on probation which means i am not available for any relationship or whatever that's going on that involves me sacrificing my time and heart to someone. Nothing is worse that to be devoted to that one person for centuries and it ends up not working out? Thank God i've never been in that circumstance. If one little situation i've been in that i involved my feelings in still has a special impact on the way i feel... imagine all of me? where would i be?

    Time off for me is the best recovery so i can just leave my options open and chill.

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  • The time alone is good.

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  • Yeah. I feel it necessary to just be alone for a little while. Of course, I flirt with guys and definitely look around and I do miss some aspects of being in a relationship, but I also need time to just find myself again and take a look at why we broke up and what I want the next time I'm in a relationship.

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  • I've gone years

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  • It depends on a lot but I try to heal and stay focused through the pain of a breakup... it's hard but it's possible too

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  • Sometimes you just need to take time to let your mind body and soul heal from all the hurt.

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    • Sometimes "I" need or sometimes "you" need? We aren't all built at the same assembly plant.

    • I was speaking in general but you can twist it any way you want. Just trying to help. Sorry.

    • When people write "you do this" or "you can do that" I'm never sure whether they are referring to themselves or to me. No offense taken. Most people do take time out after a break up but I have never been comfortable doing that.

  • In my relationships when the break up happens, it was because i lost interest. So i pretty much am immediately on the market

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  • I take time of near about 6 months to get that person out of my mind and finding balance again in my life. After every breakup I tend to fall in love with myself again, as I get to know about inner strength. :-)

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  • I chose F because of rebound purposes.. Just a natural response but once I'm completely over someone I'm comfortable being single and forget about it... Until someone new pops up out of no where

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  • i see a breakup as a competition of who can get back into a relationship faster. it's probably just because my breakups never come to healthy ends.

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  • I broke up with my ex years ago and haven't dated since. I don't plan to. If it happens, then that is great. If not, I'm not too upset about it.

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    • Are you still in mourning?

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    • I understand not wanting to get hurt but it's an unavoidable risk. When you get hurt in love, you need to get back up on the horse as soon as practicable (just my opinion.)

    • I've tried, but they never go through. I'm not in any rush at the moment. But I thank you. If it doesn't happen for me in my life time, at least I got to live it happily doing other things.

  • Dude here: I guess I tend to think I'll stay single, but I enjoy having someone to be with, and sometimes just go find someone even if they're not a good choice and I'll stay with them even if I'm thinking "should I break up today". But I got a good one now.

    Hey, I wanted to be able to contact you anonymously, but can't message obvioudly.
    I've seen that you almost always have good advice on this website and was wondering if you'd look at my question?
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2066350-i-need-advise-on-getting-my-girlfriends-trust

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What Guys Said 6

  • none of those options applied to me. After a breakup I think about dating again, but I take a break... how long depends on how I feel. I tried moving from one to the other and I hold myself back (like I'm still attached or wounded... becasue I am). That has caused problems for the new woman because she cannot attach fully... I'm not there.

    I've learned to really look at myself after dating, how I feel, what is going on, and talk to counselor/friends/introspect to get as much as I can from it, then take time to be ready to date again.

    I don't know how other people jump around so fast, but I doubt it is really healthy... I doubt they are learning what they should.

    I know I have desire to be with someone, but as well, I'm comfortable on my own... not as needy as many others. That makes a difference in how quickly and desperately one rebounds.

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  • I a man who can manage on my own, but I know from experience that I'm happier in a relationship than without one, so I start looking just as soon as I've come to terms with any lingering distress which may be between 1 and 3 months depending on what has just come to and end and how.

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  • Never broke up, since I never had anyone impress with me.

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  • I don't crave attention, so ya I am fine on my own until I actually meet someone that interests me again.

    I don't have to be out there in the dating scene, hooking up with every girl I can find.

    There has to be a great connection/draw before I get back into a relationship again. It is something I don't take lightly, because I don't want to waste her life.

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  • I have not been in a relationship for decades and I turn down fairly frequent invitations by women, so I must be comfortable.

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  • I agree on some time being needed. Even tho haven't had one.

    I reckon different people react idfferently. The stronger the connection or if it was a good one, then maybe some time is needed. I guess it depends whether they are a hookup type of person as well.

    Can u pls help me on mine? About a female friend who became single (has been for 1 yr)?

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