Finally filing for divorce any advice?

Well after leaving my wife 3 years ago I have finally started to file for a divorce. Court fees paid and papers signed. As much as I am looking forward to it going through (hopefully as stress free as possible) I'm also nervous about it as this is the first time & hopefully the last time. Things seem to have started to look up for me (finally) over the last few months and didn't want this lingering over me any longer. Anyone who has been through a divorce how long did it take roughly (I know it depends case by case) and have you got any advice that could help me?

Thanks in advance


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Mine took about 8 months from filing until final, but it was 8 months of hell and games. She managed to wear herself out with the games she was playing, and when the guy she was cheating on me with called my lawyer and offered to testify on my behalf in court, suddenly the games stopped and she accepted the deal I offered.

    You're going to get fucked over, hard. The fucking you're about to get is your punishment for being male and stupid enough to get married. Hey it's OK bud, I've been there too. Just celebrated 4 years of freedom a few days ago. through this whole thing, just remember that life gets A LOT better once you're single again.

    Best advice is try to work something out between the two of you as far as division of property/assets/debt goes. Anything you two can agree on will save you money on lawyer fees.

    Try to make sure you're not stuck paying vagimony. I gave up more of my retirement in order to avoid having to be raped again every month writing out a check to support her.

    There are books you can read that will help you out. I can't remember the name of the one, something like "The Man's Guide to Winning at Divorce". Another is "Divorce Lawyer Dirty Tricks", for in case you can't come up with an agreement together and she wants to fight.

    The ABSOLUTE best advice you will ever get, and will probably ignore:

    You are regaining your life and freedom. This is basically a second chance. Don't throw it away. DO NOT ever get married again, or have a relationship that the State could determine is a 'common law' marriage.

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    • When I spoke to my solicitor to get the ball rolling I said I wanted to go for what's called a clean break so she can't try and take anything of mine and I can't try and take anything of hers and that includes the future as well. She left me in debt up to my eyeballs and so far I've paid over 13,000 and still got about 3000 left to go, so as it stands I have nothing but my monthly paycheck. There were no joint assets between us. It's taken me 3 years to sort my self out and recently I have met someone new who sort of knows my history (debts, being married and now filing for the divorce) just taking each day as it comes and not taking any crap from her if things start going down hill I'll be walking away from it.

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What Girls Said 2

  • if you had any kids just make sure you see them when you promise to see them and don't flake out on any visit

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    • I have a son with her but he lives almost 200 miles away and I had a contact order set up to see him once every 3 weeks but she was in breach of it constantly and she then stopped me seeing him and because of the debt she left me with and the distance I couldn't take her back to court to get it enforced I don't earn enough. I miss him to bits and 9 months since the last time I saw him it still hurts big time

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    • I know it's not fair on him and that makes it harder for me, he didn't ask to be brought into the world and I hate the thought of what he's going through I just wish that she could see it from his perspective maybe then she would change her ways. I wish finances weren't a problem because I would end up fighting for full custody and have him living with me where I know he would be loved and cared for. Social services have taken his mother to court for chronic neglect and unexplained injuries but she somehow managed to get away with it and in the process stopped me from seeing him yet again. When the debts are paid off and I got some money in the bank I'll be going back to court to fight for him to live with me permanently, until then all I can do is write letters and send cards in the hope he will get them. Within a couple of days of me leaving she already had a new bloke moved in and living with her. I've spent the time sorting things out in the hope of having him living with me

    • I hope fate is on your side I still think its unfair for a kid to grow up without their father around

  • It depends on the length, if you want the divorce and will wife isn't happy with the settlement it can take months or years going back and forth. Courts and take time Also.

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What Guys Said 1

  • No real advice, but I hope you didn't bring kids into this as that would only make things even more complicated and difficult for both and all parties involved. Other than that, did you have something like a pre-nup agreement or something? Always, I mean ALWAYS have one of those before marrying to avoid getting screwed by the system.

    It's still easier to start over for both parties when there are no children involved. At least you had realized that something is wrong and that it can't be fixed early enough in your marriage. Compared to if you had been with the person for about 10 years or more, and then realizing that it would not have worked out and that something is wrong and that you really don't feel happy with whom you're with. You should not recognize this divorce as a failure, but that you are successful in recognizing what the problems are early enough so that it would be easier to start over than when it would become much more difficult and possibly much to late later on.

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    • Unfortunately I didn't get a pre nup, I really wish I had though. I just wish I'd have realised what she was like sooner, but as the saying goes hindsight is 20/20 and a fool is blind. I'm already planning an almighty booze up to celebrate when it's completed so there's something to look forward to I guess

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