Being friends with ex boyfriend to work our way up to a relationship again?

My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me last night by saying that we should be friends and work our way back up to the relationship because he isn't comfortable anymore... Or at the moment. We were having issues that I was basically causing and we got into a heated argument for the second time about his female bestfriend. This past weekend. It's a lot of reasons why but the main one was because I just wanted to be the first person he wanted to tell things to, confides in, seeks comfort in etc. I came off as being insecure and thinking I'm in competition with somebody. Which was how I felt even though he didn't give me a reason to feel like that. He just said he doesn't know what I want from him and he can't reassure me anymore than he already has. We haven't met yet but we're going to the same college in about 2 weeks. I been said that the distance was an issue and there were times I didn't know if I wanted to be with him but those feelings didn't last long and at one point, we were the best thing to happen to eachother. He said he's been looking for somebody genuine like me for a really long time and I felt the same way about him. I blocked him on everything when it happened and told him I didn't want to be just friends so we might as well just say it's over for good. I feel like we could bounce back once we get in person but I don't know how to be just friends, I don't want to be friends with the hopes of getting back together and he's already moved on. And I was scared to open up to him the first time and I really don't know if I'll be able to do that again. Thoughts? I'm also scared that because of what I said last night out of hurt and anger, he's not going to try reaching out to me in person if he did want to pick up where we left off


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think this will work. It's too messy, and if he prioritizes his female friend over you (tells her things first, tells her things he doesn't tell you etc.) then that's a bad sign that shouldn't be overlooked.
    Breaking up is a serious thing. Personally, I don't believe in taking a break from the relationship, or breaking up and then working your way back into a relationship. It's the sort of thing you should be able to work through while you're still together.
    It seems like you have a lot on your mind. This is something you should think long and hard about. Some questions you might want to ask yourself:
    - Do you think you'll get over your insecurities? If so, how?
    - If you do get back together, will he be able to start prioritizing you over his female friend? Or will she always come first no matter what you do?
    - Can he remain friends with her without you feeling uncomfortable?
    - Do you REALLY want to get back together with him? Pros and cons.

    My advice to you would be to consider moving on from him. If you can't be friends with him, then you most likely won't be able to work things out with him, since I'm assuming he wants to work things out while being friends. And if you'll always be his second priority, and his female friend his first, then that's not something you have to accept. You deserve to be someone's first priority.

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    • He wasn't prioritizing her over me. She'd get on Twitter mentioning him about how he doesn't text her back saying "some bestfriend you are" I don't really trust females and I felt like to a certain extent, there should be an understanding between the 3 of us because she has a boyfriend and I don't think she'd like stuff like that either. He'd basically say "your asking me to control her social media and I can't do that" I don't believe in taking a break either. I apologized because I have been accusing him of stuff lately for the stupidest reasons because I have a habit of pushing people away. He said she was the first person he could talk to in college and I understand that now because a make friend of mine reached out to me and we're basically bestfriends now because he's who I feel comfortable talking to. I want to be with him because overrall it was a good relationship and he's really a good guy which is rare and people like him don't come around too often

    • "It's a lot of reasons why but the main one was because I just wanted to be the first person he wanted to tell things to, confides in, seeks comfort in etc. I came off as being insecure and thinking I'm in competition with somebody."

      Sorry, I interpreted that ^ as him prioritizing her over you. Didn't realize that he's essentially ignoring her.
      Well, my post still stands for the most part, as well as the questions you need to ask yourself (minus the ones about her being a priority). Maybe you need to learn how to trust him. Even if you don't want to be just friends, it's possibly something you'll have to work through if you really want him back. Consider all the options you have and if maybe a thorough discussion with him could get him to change his mind about the friendship.

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What Girls Said 2

  • it doesn't sound like a good idea to b honest.
    usually in cases like that they want a little freedom to get it in with other people.
    the initial reason he broke up with u is still there, thats not going to change, u have to remember that. he wanted u to b his ex for a reason...
    do whatever is going to make u happy, just b sure to take care of YOU.
    and if decide u dont want to try again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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  • Move on from him. You can't be friends with an ex cause the feelings will still be there. If he told his best female friend stuff he should tell you first then he's closer to her than you and that means that he's treating her like a girlfriend.

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