Feeling heartbroken and alone! What do I do?

Back in October one of my good friends that I worked with at the time told me a guy was interested in me. I was kind of skeptical because I knew this guy was married and while I found him cute and attractive there was no way I was going to be the other woman. It turns out though he and his wife were actually separating. We started texting and then ended up hanging out and ended up kissing. After that things started to go kind of fast with us. Early on he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and while I understood we both couldn't help what we felt and continued to see each other. He would tell me things like I've never felt this way about anyone and that he really likes me and wants to date me but not now. He even talked to me about kids and things that were really serious regarding a future. Yes me and him did get physical but we didn't sleep together. I haven't had sex before and yes we did try twice but it hurt too much so we stopped.

Well then fast forward to around March and I noticed that he was getting quite distant from me. He did have a lot going on since he and his ex were finally going their separate ways and everything which was hard for the both of them. But then later on at around May I ended up finding out that he had been hanging out with another girl we work and then I later found out that they had hung out even before he started hanging out with me but things fell apart and then she ended up getting a boyfriend.

I confronted him about it once I found out and his only response was that we weren't dating which was true. He then said he wants to further our friendship but is skeptical due to how I reacted. He wants to be friends and we have hung out once since then but now he ignores me and she ignores me too. I hate seeing them flirt at work and I don't know how to handle it. He also states he's not sure what he wants from a relationship and is now looking at things long term.

I don't know what to do any help/advice is appreciated!


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What Guys Said 3

  • I sympathise with your problem because there isn't any easy solution but to bite the bullet (i. e. accepting your relationship with him is completely over). If you can afford to quit your job then do otherwise it would take you time to recover from the break up. It's for this reason that workplace dating is often discouraged.

    In my last breakup, the following worked for me; it could work for you too.

    # Step 1
    The first thing I do is accepting I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light.

    # Step 2
    I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

    # Step 3
    I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting to win her back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    I focus on the good memories she brought to my life, and on things I would have loved to experience with her. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    I remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

    # Step 7
    I draw inspiration from my first breakup. I flash my mind back and challenge my behaviours and thoughts. My world didn't crumble. I dated beautiful girls after that. I then flash my mind back to current breakup. It then suddenly changes my perspective, confidence and mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.

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  • Sounds like he is going back and forth, saying he doesn't know what he wants is a red flag, that means they dont even know if they want you. You mentioned he ignores you too. I have to say, let him go, he's not serious about anything and who knows what he truly wants.

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  • Sounds like just another player. Find someone else and ignore him if he's not pressing the friend thing. As far as finding someone else females have it easier than males do.

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