I can't move on, because I can't understand - how can he do this to me?

My Ex and I were in a relationship for 6years and lived together for 9months - we had good and bad times - but through it all we both maintained our love for each other always. 2months ago, whilst out with his friends we had an argument and he brokeup with me. Nothing was said for two days, then he came home from work and told me he was moving in with his friend at the weekend. it felt as though the breakup cameout of nowhere even the day before he had told me he loved me, we had even recently booked a holiday. I asked him why, he offered little explanation - he wasn't happy, and no longer felt the same. We lived together for a week, I tried to keep my emotions in check, we got along well. Even though we got on he wouldn't accept any physical contact. He told he cared for me, there was no one else and he couldnt completely cut contact with me. When he moved out thing changed our only interactions were about the house and the bills if I got upset he acted perplexed like nothing had happened. After everything was split and I moved out I heard nothing from him. then a week later he blocked me on FB, I was told it was because he had updated his relationshipstatus and didn't want me to know - 30 mins later I received a message from him telling me he was seeing someone else. His mates said they met an hour after he ended it with me. They are still together now, and a few weeks ago I bumped into them both in a local bar, he walked straight past me, ignoring my existence, and proceeded to make out with her basically infront of my face. When i asked how he could do that, he literally said eww get away from me no emotion, no concern or care just cold and cruel like I was nothing. I just can't understand why/how after such a long time spend together. It so hard to move forward without closure. I can deal with us not getting back together I just can't imagine living the rest of our lives as strangers after all the memories weve shared and all we have been through can anyone help?


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What Guys Said 1

  • It seems like he has a two-fold approach to addressing the breakup on his part: 1) he is using a "no contact" approach, possibly to help him move forward from you; and 2) this new girl sounds like a rebound with how quickly she entered the picture.

    Without hearing from him, I can only theorize about his reasons. As for the new girlfriend, maybe they're together because he was cheating on you with her, and the last argument was when he decided to cut the cord? Or maybe she's just a rebound / flavor-of-the-week since he doesn't want to be alone, especially not at a public, social function.

    If you haven't done it already, I think your best option is to work on yourself and to try to move forward from the relationship. Since communication is a two-way street, and he refuses to communicate, it seems like getting a solid answer or any closure will be impossible. I'm also certain that the approach of making out with the new girl, knowing that you were there watching, was very deliberate and was probably and attempt to make you jealous or get you riled up, which it seems like it has (understandably).

    Fight fire with fire. Don't fall into his game. You calling, texting, asking his friends about him, etc. is stroking his ego in a huge way, because it's a sign of power that he can wield over you. And the new girl? Probably a rebound just to get you upset, because it's another power he can wield over you.

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    • Thank you so much for your comment, I was half expecting the usual harsh - move on already posts. I am trying to work on myself but lately I literally can't stop thinking about him, I haven't attempted to contact him since he left, bar speaking to him the time we bumped into each other - where he coldly dismissed me like I was a piece of dirt on his shoe.
      I wish this new girl was a utensil to make me upset - but I really don't think he cares that much, I don't think he has any feelings at all which is so confusing because he was so different before he left - he even told me he couldn't imagine cutting me out of his life and he did, I just don't recognise him at all and the change was almost instant. I think he did know her before we split, but whether he cheated or not I don't know. I don't even know why he would want to choose her; she is very below him looks wise and so much younger.

    • I am trying to work on myself but lately I literally can't stop thinking about him...

      I get that. My ex and I were together for 10 years. Even 1.5 years after the split, I think about her, too.

      I haven't attempted to contact him since he left, bar speaking to him the time we bumped into each other - where he coldly dismissed me like I was a piece of dirt on his shoe.

      I'm not a mind-reader, but I don't think his actions were a coincidence, at least not how you described them. I think his actions were very deliberate.

      I wish this new girl was a utensil to make me upset - but I really don't think he cares that much, I don't think he has any feelings at all which is so confusing because he was so different before he left...

      I can only guess as to what his feelings might be. Offhand, anger / frustration come to mind. Again, with the new girl, if she is a rebound, I think he is using her as a way to get under your skin. (Cont)

    • ... he even told me he couldn't imagine cutting me out of his life and he did...

      My ex-girlfriend made similar statements to me. Then one day, I was yesterday's news. I guess this one goes both ways (male and female, I mean)?

      I don't even know why he would want to choose her; she is very below him looks wise and so much younger.

      I don't know what you mean by "she is below him." Otherwise, think: whatever age he is, he's hooking up with a much younger girl. I only see things from the man's side, but it sounds like the girl might want a sugar daddy, and he gets to claim a really young piece. Among guys, that's something to show off: you're older, but you still appeal to younger women. I don't know about girls, but apparently having an older guy to spoil you instead of getting a job of your own seems like some kind of turn on. Maybe that's the two of them?

What Girls Said 1

  • It's super hard, you were together for a really long time, so it'll be hard for both of you to move on but it's possible, though it may take a super long time. He might appear to have moved on quicker than you but it's usually just a mask that guys use to protect themselves. My ex was very cold and cruel with me although we had a lovely relationship and I was always good to him and him to me. Guys just go like that for some reason. You will always have his heart and he could never forget you. You've taken a considerable chunk of his life, almost a decade. He may even come back as you have so much together. You have to focus on yourself until he sees his error. You might not ever get closure so try not to hold onto it, otherwise you'll definitely not move forward.

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    • Thank you so much for your response, was worried I may get some harsh - move on ones! Did your Ex ever want to speak to you again? or was that it? I literally think he doesn't feel anything anymore - which is hard to take as its only been 6 weeks. As much as I hate how he's been since the split - I can't hate him, I still miss him and want nothing more than to be able to be friends, or at least communicate with him. But after the last time bumping into him I couldn't face that kind of cruel rejection again.

    • That was it. He didn't want to know me! You will miss him. You're feeling how I felt. It will take some time but you will be able to cope without having him in your life.

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