Lost and Confused from a coworker who misled me?

I was really shy and met this girl at work... I feel she misled me...

We would always talk and flirt and work, and she started texting me as well...

I asked her out and she said maybe... I was kinda hurt, so I stopped talking because I thought it ment no...

Slowly she started talking, being flirty again... we started talking again, getting closer and she invited me to a get together... I was going to ask her out, but when I got there I saw her boyfriend and her kiss and that destroyed my heart...

I stopped talking to her, and she really starting craving my attention, calling, texting ( 50 times in a row) and finally when I responded she started bad mouthing her boyfriend to me... Like she wanted me to ask her out?

I really couldn't handle her... I didn't do or say much...

A couple months later, I ended up sending her a text asking if she was into me or not...
(I really should have done this in person, but it was kinda impulsive)

She said "omg we are just friends" and continued to say she doesn't understand why I feel that why, she didn't say anything like that etc...

I just said alright, maybe I was mistaken...

----

At work, I stopped talking to her... (And her boyfriend dumped her now)

I am hurt, I thought she would ask me if everything was alright? Maybe even apologize and say she never wanted to misled me ( That would mean a lot to me)... But maybe she isn't that type of person, got all the attention she wanted from me and now doesn't care?

So... I sit here... Lost... I loved her so much, I cried over her... I know she doesn't like me but am struggling to move on. I know there are other girls in this world... But I just feel used and hurt. She doesn't even care about me at all, and I think about her so much.

Should I say something to her? It would mean so much to maybe hear her perspective and maybe get an apology... Closure I guess...

Or do I accept she just doesn't like me, used me and just have to "move on"?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Men like you often have this imaginary fantasy going on in your head.

    Generally, men find it harder to get attention from women. So when people like you get a little bit of attention, you immediately think she's madly in love with you... when she is not.

    If you read your take on the scenario carefully, most of your claims that she likes you are just imaginations.

    1. We would always talk and flirt at work.
    ... What's actually happening is that you're just talking.
    ... What you're THINKING is happening is that you two are flirting.

    2. She invited me to a get together.
    ... What's actually happening is that she invited you to a large party with many people.
    ... What you're THINKING is that she invited you exclusively to a private date.

    3. She started craving my attention.
    ... What's actually happening is that she's looking for someone to chat with.
    ... What you THINK is happening is that her texts mean she's madly in love with you.
    - I'm married and I constantly chat with girl friends on a daily basis via text. Up to 50-100 messages per day. Nobody thinks anything more of it than just friends.

    4. She stated bad mouthing her boyfriend... like she wanted me to ask her out?
    ... I cannot begin to imagine the delusions you're having. When a person, ANY PERSON, is having relationship problems and telling someone, they are looking for advice on how to deal with the situation.
    ... if you're in a relationship and having problems, you may tell a friend to seek their advice. What kind of twisted mind would think that trying to get help with a relationship = trying to cheat on the boyfriend?

    I doubt she has done anything to give a reasonable person the idea that she likes you. You obviously like her, and that has probably affected your ability to think straight. Any form of attention, whether it's chatting, texting, calling... etc, makes you believe she's on love with you.

    If this were a fat ugly girl whom you had no interest in whatsoever, you'd probably not think the same way and just assume you two were friends.

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    • Harsh, I do understand this side to the story... Maybe I am in the wrong 100%... but then again maybe I am not... I will never know for sure...

      I am not sure what to do at this point? Talk to her? Just be her friend? Ignore her?

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    • What do you think of my number 3 and 4 btw? the 50 texts in a row and telling me that her boyfriend bailed on her?

    • About #3 and #4. I tend to have almost all girl friends, so I'm used to hearing their problems.

      I don't think it's unusual for a girl with personal/relationship problems to tell someone they trust, because they are in need of advice. Actually, I have a lot of girl friends who will call/text me for advice on what to do/say when they have relationship problems, or work issues, or an upcoming job interview.

      It usually happens because I give them both sides of the advice. I neither gain or lose, so my rationale and decisions are not based on emotion. If they are panicking, frustrated or angry (like if she's angry at her boyfriend), she may realize her thinking is a little cray cray at the moment, and wants a level-headed opinion.

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