What should I do about my boyfriend of 3 years ending things because he says he doesn't love me anymore?

We started dating as sophomores in high school and will be sophomores in college, going to school an hour apart. We've always been natural with each other with minimal fighting, and were always able to resolve it when we did. The past year, we only hang out once a week when I'm home and when we do, its because I set it up and hounded him about it. We fought a lot more when I went to school, because I have anxiety and overthink, and he began to refuse to talk about feelings and working things out. He used to be so sweet and kind to me and made me feel special. In February, he called me at school and told me he doesn't always feel like he is still in love with me and sometimes feels single and that he felt guilty. We talked on the phone and worked it out and he said everything was better. 3 weeks ago, he came over to end things, because he didn't love me anymore and even gave me a check for the hotel we were supposed to share at the beach soon. Before he left, he changed his mind and said to give him a few days to figure out what he wants. An hour after he left, showing up an hour late to work to talk to me, he texted and said he didn't need a few days to figure out he wanted to be with me. A week and a half ago, he ended things through a text saying he doesn't love me anymore and that he had to do it, because he is just stringing me along. He said he just stayed with me last time to make me feel better even though I repeatedly said I didn't want to be with someone who didn't love me back. A few days ago he said that after 5 days he has no feelings for me at all. Our friend says he still seems sad. I want to work things out but in a month we'll be apart again and he plays college sports. I want more than anything to be together (but mutually happy), but I don't want to feel heartbreak again. I can't stand not being a part of his life-platonic or in a relationship, and I can't stand being platonic with him. How do I handle this situation and how do I act towards him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's over permanently and you will not remain friends even if he suggests or agrees to it. If he ever shows interest it's only to use you as a backup plan till he finds someone else

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Follow what your heart says. If you want to fight for him then go for it and if it doesn't work then at least you tried. Don't regret things you tried, regret those times you didn't :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • There isn't much you can do. As much as you may hate this it's simply not in your hands. You can't force feelings.

    At least he is being honest and not stringing you along.

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    • Well what I wanted to do is have a conversation in person, since I have yet to have that. I think it would give me closure and I used that time to ask him if he was being honest in his reason for ending things or if it was because he was tired of disappointing me, as he had hinted at over the winter. I wanted to talk about things we could to to fix things if he chose to. That was I planned on doing on my part, but in the end, you're correct in saying it's not in my hands. I just didn't know if it was a good idea or not. I don't want to be heartbroken again.

    • If he's willing to talk (even over the phone) then do it but first you need to get your thoughts in order. When you talk to him you need to approach it knowing it's probably over.

      The mistake people make is they always assume the other is as invested in the relationship as they are. They truth is he isn't. Not if he could end it. These decisions don't come out of the blue and well I do think getting more information could help ultimately you're never going to get the relationship you had back. It'll always be different now.

What Girls Said 2

  • It's for the best now you can experiment in college.

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  • Just give him time.

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