Really scared I will never forget my ex? It's been years?

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a guy for two years. We broke up a year and a half ago - after the breakup I met a guy who treated me well, but there was no passion so I left him. I also thought about my ex constantly when I was with this guy.

My ex cheated on me many times. He had substance/alcohol problems. Unfortunately he was the most passionate person I'd ever met - the way he loved me is unforgettable, the things he said, how he fought for me, etc. For the first year after we broke up he messaged me consistently, begging to have me back, telling me things I've never heard anyone say - You're the one, you've imprinted my soul, I'll wait 10 years for you, etc.. He knew he would never get anything from me, I made myself clear, and he kept fighting.

Now I haven't heard from him in six months since I kept ignoring him. (I didn't want to, but I felt I had to.) I think about him constantly - seeing him, his car, being able to bump into him by coincidence. It's been this way, coming and going in waves, for the last year and a half. We had a VERY emotional, vulnerable, passionate relationship and I can't seem to forget that - our connection was almost spiritual. I know if I saw him ever again, even after years, I'd feel the same.

I'm scared I'll never get over him. I've tried whatever I can, therapy, new relationship, focusing on myself, and he always comes back. I don't know what to do or how to move on from him? Would it be terrible to message him on facebook every once and a while to see how we're both doing? He did terrible things, broke my trust a billion times, but the way he persistently fought for me after we broke up and how passionate he was about me keeps me holding on somehow.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Talk is cheap but the truth is hard to come by with an abuser. Don't be afraid to test him to see if he lifts the facade. An abuser can't help but hurt others because they understand not the true effect of their words and actions.

    Play it safe if you can't resist. Don't rely on him to heavily and make sure you have an unassuming, clandestine escape route ready... just in case. Sometimes people claim to love you, but that love only manifests as anger and hatred. Most abusers are so afraid of changing that they retreat back to whatever or whoever provides them with a sense of false security... and the proceed with abusing once again because they know you've settled for it in the past.

    Whatever you do, best of luck and stay safe.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You'll eventually get over him. Try to remind yourself of all the abusive things he did when you start missing him. And don't tell yourself you'll "never get over him", that will only become self-fulfilling prophecy. Just keep telling yourself that you WILL get over it. And keep going to therapy.
    And remember, words are just words. He can tell you all the poetic bullshit he wants, but that doesn't mean it's genuine. His actions, his abuse, spoke louder than that "you've imprinted my soul" bullshit ever will.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Keep the therapy thing. You gotta find a therapist that you click with. No contact with your ex. He's a jackass! Why give him time or day? You need to fix yourself before you get in a relationship.

    I've gone through much the past 2 years and I know I can't be in a relationship. Too much fear and uncertainty.

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  • Damn a lot of similarity in your story...
    We had also a lot of moments with my ex, but she break up with me a long time ago. I'm still thinking does she is over me, but she still didn't dated anyone.

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  • It's one of the great mysteries of love, u still feel close to someone who hurt you so bad... anyways well maybe now he has gotten over u or has found someone else, thats why he is not contacting u? I guess it won't hurt for u to find out how he is doing, maybe if he has moved on it will help u also to move on.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Well. You don't need to be going back to a relationship like that. Whenever you think of him, force yourself to think of what he did and how he disrespected you.
    You will eventually get over him when you meet someone better. You just haven't met that person yet.

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  • It'll take time. Was he your first boyfriend?

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    • NO he was my second but for some reason the feelings were a bit stronger and more intimate with this guy.. I did lose my virginity to him, but it wasn't a good experience. I know that tends to keep girls attached though.

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    • I ignored him because I felt i didn't have a choice, I wanted to talk to him but I respect myself too much after what he did.. But now I'm lost because I know after years I'm still thinking about him, and I actually really want him to message me again. Last time he did was in November

    • But that might be as your lonely or you miss the chase. As I mean it ended for a reason. And you had plenty of chances that year to sort things

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