Girls, marriage mess: what would you do in my place?

Greetings ladies,

My husband and I are from very different cultural backgrounds, we married early (23 yo) and despite others saying this could never work, we managed to have 4 great years dating together (with ups and downs, of course, but nothing too serious), so 5 months ago we decided to get married. My husband was always kind of confident, self-focused, against the rules and stubborn, but in the last 2 months we started having serious trouble. I started feeling unloved, neglected, and although we still did some activities together and had great days, he would regularly tell me not to make plans counting on him, not to include him in my dreams and that he felt smothered by my idea of marriage and love. Last week, I told him I felt better alone than with him and something needed to change, and this led to the ultimate crisis. He told me he would divorce me. After that, it was CHAOS. I cried, begged, got on my knees and asked him to stay, and he was cold as ice saying there was nothing I could do.
After 1 week of him insisting he would never change his mind, I started preparing myself for what would follow. I literally mourned my marriage and told him we would take our documents and open a divorce request the next day. Suddenly, he changed his mind. He started saying he wanted to stay longer, even try couple's counseling. The last 2 days he took me out to dinner, paid for fantastic meals, picked me up at work. But this sudden change made me think: couple's counseling after 5 months of marriage, really? And what if he suddenly changes his mind again, when my trust is rebuilt? Also I discovered some shady stuff, like he recently got in a music festival with a fake ID? I feel like I am in love with the idea I had of him, and that he might hurt me again soon. What would you do? I considered this man my family and it hurts to think I might never see his familiar, warm face after divorce. However, I am afraid of being trapped in something unhealthy for me... help?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Couples counseling is very beneficial. I know many couples that went through it prior to marriage even. And since he asked for a divorce which is something you never expected, it probably has rocked the very foundation of your marriage: trust, stability. Marriage counseling is great for those things.

    So 4 years of great ups and downs with nothing serious, now 5 mo ago you decide to get married and somethint serious happens. Take a look at the 4 years though. You guys were in love, enough to get married, and then something changed. What's going on there? Also, marriages sometimes have years even of tough spots. We went through one for 2 years a while back and it was horrible. We only agreed that we loved each other many nights and told each other we didn't know if we were gonna make it. Marriage has long downs too sometimes, but I think if love is still there from both people, then you can make it work and find your way back.

    Good luck with it all!

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  • Hard position your in, love can make you do crazy things and really mess up your mind.

    I'm not one to give you the answers as I've gone back every time and it's just ended in disaster and hurt more as you fall deeper.

    Good luck x

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