She dumped me out of the blue by saying I'm the perfect boyfriend?

Hi guys, Needing some opinions, my girlfriend of 4 months suddenly dumped me yesterday and I just don't get what happened! I was so shocked I never really said anything I just accepted it and said bye. I was really startin to think she could be the one, I know I have to let her go and leave her alone but I need to understand what happened, what I did.

Everything seemed to be going fine, we were making plans for the future and talking about things to do with each other in the near future too. Then At the beginning of the week we have spent a couple of days at her caravan, we were having fun the and she suggested we stay and extra night which I agreed to. The next day and a half she seemed distant, was sitting away from me and not very chatty. I mentioned she had been quite but she said she was just really tired (she had slept loads). We went home and she made excuses not to see me the next day but we made plans for yesterday. I didn't hear much from her til we met to go out and that's when she hit me with it.

She said she thought at this stage we should be saying things like I love you but we aren't and she doesn't have that feeling for me. She said I had done nothing wrong and I'm the perfect boyfriend? I said I thought she was the perfect girlfriend then we went our separate ways. I wish I had asked more now. Where has this come from all of a sudden? If it had been in her mind then Why make more plans? Why ask to extend our stay at the caravan? I know I have feelings for her but haven't said I love you cause I want it to really mean something when I do and not just be some throw away comment. I'm dying inside right now :(.

Any ideas what happened? What did I do wrong? Why leave me if I'm perfect? Sorry for the rant, thanks folks.

Updates:
Thanks for all the quick responses.

I think you guys are totally right. I was going with the flow way too much the last few weeks. I had been doing what I thought would make her happy and had stopped being desicive. I always made time for her over everything else.

I think I know the answer but what's the odds of her coming back so I get a second chance?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know this must have been are rude shock and I can understand how you're feeling terrible and you want information, are second guessing yourself etc.

    But you can't even explain your own emotions half the time, so don't try and understand someone else's. This isn't math where you can work it out. It's a mystery and it will remain one so just let her go.

    If you were a perfect match for each other, you'd be together, or you WILL be together. Right now, she broke it off so respect her and don't try to gather information like you're writing a term paper. Nobody likes to be a project.

    Give her space and let her work it out for herself. Remember, you don't want her either right now. Why? Because you want a girl who's totally into you, who makes plans and then the plans expand and it all rolls like a train and leads to babies etc, right? Well, she's not there, at least not right now.

    The kind of man SHE would want would be somebody who's comfortable enough in his own skin that he can grant her the space to work things out for herself. Grant her that and maybe she will contact you again.

    A not about closure: it's the ego's craving for information, reasons and justification. True closure comes from inside, from your mind and spirit agreeing that YOU are perfect just as you are, which is the truth. There's nothing you did wrong, just learn to relax your mind, don't judge her or yourself.

    I hope this provides a little perspective. Best of luck.

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    • Thanks dude, this makes loads of sense. Thanks it actually helped a lot.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • Either she came to realize she's not that crazy about you (which I find unlikely, because he mood switch was very sudden), OR she is an immature girl who still believes in Disney films and the prince on the white horse. I mean, she said she thought that at this point you'd be saying I love you already? Like seriously? Love isn't something that has a deadline - it needs to grow and takes time! For some people it takes a year, others much shorter, but to break up because you don't love that person yet is just weak.

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    • The worst thing about it was I was heading that way and the words had been on the tip of my tongue recently.

  • I don't think it was anything that you did wrong. It was more of her realizing that she does not see a future with you and that she just felt the need to end it now than later.

    You are not the perfect man for her, but could be the perfect boyfriend for someone else.

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  • I agree with @karennn, she probably just realised her feelings for you just aren't strong enough to for there to be a longer relationship.

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  • The only person who can provide an answer is your girlfriend. We can only second guess what's on her mind , based on our own assumptions.

    Talk to her and explain how you feel. Tell her you need to know what's gone wrong in the relationship for her to want to end it so abruptly. Also, tell her if it's over, you need answers so you get closure to be able to move on from the hurt

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    • Really wish I could ask her but I've missed that opportunity. I think you're right though, if I still feel the same in a few weeks I'll do as you suggest to help me move on. Thanks

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    • Closure only leads to more questions later on.. Besides, she gave reasons that were quite "telling" already. It's still time for the asker to hurt. There is no further need to ask why. I've made this mistake before and it doesn't work out well.

    • @jman46241

      closure is important. It enables people to move on. Without closure you have more unanswered questions

  • Sounds like she just didn't feel as strongly for you as you did for her.

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  • Excuses are here thang

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  • You're not perfect. You let her go without asking those questions so obviously you don't care.

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What Guys Said 8

  • The passion wasn't there in the relationship. You didn't do anything objectively wrong. She was relatively straightforward. She feels like your relationship is not progressing. That's why she said things like, "at this point, we should already be doing X". She's left to wonder why you aren't. In her mind, she comes to the conclusion you two aren't meant to be otherwise those things would "just happen".

    It sucks, but other than being more vocal about how you felt about her and doing more as far as building her attraction for you. There's really nothing you did wrong. She just wasn't feeling it. Most likely your relationship was just go with the flow and she wanted it going in a specific direction.

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    • Yeah I think you're right, the passion had been there but maybe I haven't done enough to keep it

    • *nods* I understand. I didn't mean it wasn't there at all. Just at that point in the relationship it died out. When a girl reaches that point, she wasn't feeling it for awhile. No girl wants to drop what she sees a good future with. She has to start over too.

  • Hey, I understand the complicated mind of a woman as much as the next guy, but it seems that perhaps she suggested the extra night to make you feel better? I really don't know what to tell you. I'll send this along to some other users in the case that you don't get many good answers or opinions..

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    • Replying to your update.. Yeah bud, there's not going to be a second chance. I think you should take a step back and really think about why you would even want to try again.

    • Possibly she did, the first night had been great. Loads of affection but it just vanished the next day. Thanks

    • I guess I was just blocked by @Xanadu for reasons that I'm unsure of..

  • I guess she just wasn't into you the whole time, which is sad. You'd think people know when they feel attracted to someone or not by first glance.

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  • Weird.
    You didn't do anything wrong in my opinion (but who am I to say this, who never had a girlfriend before). But it is no reason to overthink things.

    It likely might be, that she just wasn't into you or something else, that she wouldn't really tell you. It might (!) but it must not.

    Nevertheless let her go and move on. There's nothing you can do if she is not willing to put her own effort into a relationship.

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  • yeah, she fucked chad thundercock

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  • You weren't emotionally emotionally engaging I suppose. But anyone saying I love you after only 4 months is silly. Sure, you can say it whenever you like (and even be convinced that you mean it) but I don't think it can be accepted as sincere until at like 6 months.

    She's looking for some kind of whirlwind romance, not a stable supportive partner.

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  • It seems like she feels like she should love you more, but she's missing that feeling inside. She probably made the plans to rekindle the spark a touch, but it didn't really work or something like that? And she doesn't want you to feel bad and genuinely thinks you are perfect. That's what I got from this, anyway.

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    • I wish I'd done more to keep that spark. Thanks

  • "You're perfect." means you don't have the balls or backbone to take criticism, so she is not going to tell you what was really wrong with the relationship.

    Chances are you made the same mistake most guys make in their first relationship. You tried too hard. You smothered her. You spent too much time trying to make her happy. You stopped being manly.

    A typical exchange would be something like
    You : "Let's go for dinner"
    Her: "Cool, what do you fancy?"
    You : "Oh I don't mind. You pick."
    You aren't doing her any favours by being indecisive. You might think you're doing her the favour by giving her the choice, but you're not.

    It sounds like things came to a head during your stay away. She found she wasn't attracted to you (anymore, if ever) and tried to give you one more night to see if anything would awaken. But it didn't.

    Attraction is something you have to work on. It can wither and die. And it obviously did between her and you. Attraction, like an elastic band, comes from tension. Not just sexual tension. You can't be weak and flaccid like an untaut band, and expect attraction to survive.

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    • Thanks. What you say sounds totally familiar. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping her happy but
      When I think back I was definitely more decisive at the start than recently. Feel like I've screwed his up.

    • We all do it. Even when we've been warned not to.

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