Heartbroken because I'm scared my relationship is falling apart?

I'm crying as I type this, it feels like my heart is being ripped out of me.
My boyfriend took my virgintity, and he has always said he loves me. But I question this because he doesn't put any effort in. I spoke to him last night about how I don't feel like I'm seen as important in his life and it feels like he doesn't love me or care about our relationship. He barely speaks to me when we're not together and I don't want to initiate it because I worry he doesn't want to be bothered and when I have done before he still doesn't respond or if he does he doesn't for a long time. He also never takes me out and does nice things with me which is what I'd like to do now and then, he just said this is the way he's always been and he doesn't like going out he'd rather chill at home and play games. He said that I used to be interested in playing games with him and he liked that but now he feels like I've changed in that respect because apparently I get annoyed when he's playing them. But that's because I've been craving his attention more and more, I want him to spend time with me :( he also said he doesn't like going out because he doesn't have any money to spend on that, but he finds money to spend on games and other people when need be! But not his own girlfriend?

I don't know how to try and ask him to compromise for me, because he argues with my requests, it's not like I'm asking him to change I just want him to show me loveā€¦

I don't want to dump him, because then I won't have anyone to love me, I need someone, I will feel a lot more depressed than I do now if I broke up with him. I just don't know how to resolve these problems! Please help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry to tell you this but... it just seems like you and your boyfriend have totally different ideas of what the relationship is supposed to be. The problem also is he is refusing to change for you and all he wants to do is play video games and not even try which is a huge red flag. I feel bad for you because I've been in your position but sometimes breaking up just has to happen, whether you like it or not. Your boyfriend isn't considerate of you, he argues with you over little requests and he clearly doesn't want to change. Now if you break up with him, there's a possibility he will crawl back to you and maybe he will change then that is good but if he doesn't then you will know why.

    Another question is why are you afraid no one else will love you? That surely isn't true because you can find someone else over time.

    But what I'm telling you is purely my opinion, you don't have to break up with him but I'm just recommending you to do it or else nothing may change, you may just get more miserable over time because I personally doubt he will change. Good luck though.. you can comment here if you need some advice.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know exactly how you feel because it happened before my husband and I got married. Your scenario is the exactly the same as me. Someone then ask me something.

    Do you really love him or you love the idea of him?

    Then I reply of course him. I love him thats why I want his attention. I crave for him. However this person told me something. Men are all different just like girls. There is no one fixed stereotypical man. Some man show love by showering you with gifts and affections, some love you just simply by loving you. Love is an intangible feeling. Its nothing that can be explained. You can't say I know he love me because he did this or that. A man can shower you with attention but won't be there to take responsibility when crisis happen or he won't jump in front of a bullet for you. Its his character. It can't be change. You can't ask a red apple to change into a green apple right? It may seem simple... its just colors afterall but yet its hard. Its not something we can comprehend. Its just their thought process.

    My husband is a man with few words and affections but because of getting to know what he thinks and what he really feel. It brought us closer. Now we have a son together. Think about it... you need him to fulfill the comfort in your or do you truly love him?

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    • So at the end of the day... can you accept the person he is or you can't? If you can't then break up... if you can accept him because you love him then work things out. I love receiving flowers but throughout 7 years of the relationship I only receive it twice. Once when he proposed and second on our 3rd anniversary. I used to be sad over it but now I accept it. Its not that he don't love me. It just don't make sense to him.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You need to get more self respect.. Everybody is important.. you have you worth.. don't let anyone get you down.. If there were at least one or two nice things he would've done I would've said otherwise but the best thing to do is to tell him exactly how bad you feel and if he's going to continue being like this you'd rather break up.. and I'm telling you breakup will be better.. If you don't break up you'll be crying like this all the time.. instead you can just end it and it'll get better soon.. Ik that breakup is very painful and yes its unimaginable sometimes.. you might feel suicidal and stuff and I've been through that.. Believe me you're young, you've got a lot ahead of you in life.. you'll find new people.. And you'll find a guy who will make you feel special.. Also don't keep clinging to him.. people start taking things for granted... Let it be.. Broaden your thinking.. no person in this world is worth someone's own happiness.. Try to talk with him and if you have to break up... that's the best thing to do.. if you feel like talking I'll be all years you can message me..
    Remember don't ever let anyone get you down :)

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  • sounds like a relationship isn't his biggest priority which means that you either have to accept that or move on

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  • you're trying to fill a void, only you can fix. men can't fix your depression

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What Girls Said 4

  • It's not true that you won't find anyone to love you. If you've stated what you needed from a relationship and your boyfriend is not willing to move an inch from his position and you feel like you deserve better i think you have two options: 1. Take some time away from eqch other so you can both evaluate if you're both willing to put some effort in the relarionship. 2. Try to move on and eventually find someone else. You're still very young and you'll have other opportunities to meet people with whom you can feel a lot better. Your dating life has just begun :)

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  • You're still young, and unfortunately, young guys are sometimes unsure of what they want/uncommitted. After all, girls mature faster. It sounds like he's not ready for a relationship, but instead just wants to hang out with his friends. He might also have been looking for sex, which he got, and unfortunately some guys care more about that than the girl they're with.

    It sounds like you're more upset about being unloved than losing your boyfriend himself. If that's what you're concerned with think of friends and family who care about you. And you're still young, I'm sure there will be other guys. Most high school relationships don't last. From what it sounds, neither of you are really ready for something serious and haven't yet experienced what love really is. It will happen, and it might hurt like hell when it does, so just be careful. But if he's not willing to spend time with you, leave. Or maybe just take a break and see how things go while you're on a break with him.

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  • Look, I went through the exact same thing with my ex. You're either going to have to accept it or try to fight it but believe me now, with his mentality, you're not going to win. He's just going to get more annoyed that you're bothering him and he's going to leave you. So pretty much your only two options are get used to this behavior of his or leave him and be upset for a while but eventually move on and find someone way better. He has a lot of growing up to do and he needs to become a man. And until he does, it is unlikely you will ever be happy with your relationship. I'm sorry it has to be that way. I am broken up now from the guy who was the exact same way to me. Always found money and time for himself and his friends, but never for me.

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  • Hey, breakups happen to almost everyone at some point in their lives, and honestly, it really does stink. But the best thing to do is have a real and honest conversation with him.

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