How to talk to an ex who completely broke your heart?

We dated for a year and I sensed him checking out. He wasn't making time for me anymore or making me feel like a priority. I messaged him about it and he acted like we make the most of the time we do have together but it wasn't true and I said ethat which made him really upset. He stopped talking to me for 3 days and I asked why we were fighting. He felt that no matter what he did I am never happy (was not the case and didn;t make any sense) he then said it's not working out and that was the last I heard from him. months went by without a single peep from him. He wouldn't respond to my messages, calls or anything. I asked for my items back and he never replied. Nothing. 2 months after this I see he's hanging out with his co-worker and hear they are dating. I wasn't shocked because he talked about her a few times but at the same time never saw her as a threat. I was devastated because I think he left me to be with this girl. 2 months after that I see him on tinder and decide to swipe right. He messaged me and I was super snarky at first but he told me how he made a huge mistake and how he feels really guilty about what he did to me. He has no idea what pain he put me through. I went weeks not being able to sleep or eat and when I would sleep I would cry myself to sleep, wake up after 4 hours and not be able to go to sleep again. I was in an emotionally/physically unhealthy state. Anyway, we get to talking and start remembering the good times and that we both miss each other. It was almost like I had forgotten about all those bad things because I had missed having him be a part in my life and liked having that back. He wants to go to lunch tomorrow to talk and give my items back. How do I talk to him? I don't want to make it easy for him but I'm scared and nervous that I will give him the impression it's okay to wrong me, when it is not, I want him to realize how much of a jerk he was and possibly have him want to work on it to make things work for us again. Advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • People are saying don't talk and just move on and I can see why some people feel that way. However, I will say I completely get where you are coming from and envy you that you get an opportunity to talk to you ex and maybe see if you can work things out. I was with a girl who I thought was amazing and I had major feelings for her, but she just left me out of no where one day without explanation and I've been devastated ever since. Even though she really hurt me, if she contacted me and wanted to talk, I would and I'd be open to trying to work things out. I always think back to the great times I had with her and wonder why she didn't want that anymore and wonder if she ever feels she made a mistake in leaving me. So I say go talk to him and see where things go, if you two were meant to be things will work out. However, when you go to talk to him don't be all desperate and act like you need him back. I would say if you two were to get back together he would need to initiate it and admit he made a mistake, if you initiate the conversation of getting back together he will think he did nothing wrong and probably break your heart again. That is how I would personally handle the situation if it happened to me. I get the urge of wanting to be back together but if you do all the back together talk nothing will change, he needs to show he truly wants to be with you and that he's committed to being with you. If he doesn't do this then I say move on because you can find someone better and deserve someone better.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't fall for it.

    Trust me.

    I've made the same mistake and if I thought he broke my heart the first then, well then the second time he destroyed me. I lost 5kgs and couldn't eat at all for 3 weeks, I was living on liquids - and couldn't sleep. I'm still kinda of recovering from it and it happened over a year ago.

    My advise would be that he is a jerk and stay away. If he really realised what you were worth etc then why didn't he contact you?
    Why did it have to be YOU swiping right and making the first move, that only then he responded?
    (He sees you as a convenience, it's not love or feelings)
    You do realise you both wouldn't even be talking if you hadn't done that?
    And on tinder too! Really? That means he's choosing to find other girls because he could of contacted you anytime.

    I don't know how to make it clearer to you, and I do sympathise with how you feel, I went through it myself! But pleaseeee listen to me... I don't think I've ever been so passionate in an answer before.

    You're telling yourself he's changed, he's good guy, we had problems etc but it's lie, he is what he is and he's already shown that to you really nicely too.
    He left you for that co-worker, but I'm thinking it didn't work out with her and now he's on tinder.

    And do you really and truly want him? Is he your perfect guy? Why have him, who hurt you and couldn't respect you - when as you can have a guy that will cherish you and treat you like his princess?

    It is ultimately up to you, but be careful hun.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • I dont know if getting the reaction you want will really solve your problems dude, i think if you just go in there, get your things, an say thank you sincerely, it won't make him feel anybetter but it may help. you feel better, cause from the sound of it, this guy still has your heart on a string (dont that that offensivly please :/ ) i just think that if you try to come out of this as the bigger person, then you yourself will have some sort of closure and can fully move on

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  • don't too attached to him, try to be careful with your feelings

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  • Just get your stuff back then leave. Make him feel impressed about what he has done.

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  • There are lots of other guys out there, so why obsess over this one? Just get your things back, wish him the best, and move on.

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What Girls Said 14

  • Yes I do, I was in a five year relationship and here is my advice- RUN! Once you have broken apart, it is like when a mirror breaks, and you stand and try to put the pieces back together, you get cut! In general, people's behaviors don't change. I know it is nice to think about the good memories, which you should always keep with you, but also think about the pain and the emotional turmoil when he left... maybe he is just lonely right now... who knows, your life, but my advice is this life is not made for us to look back... best of luck

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  • Look if you have to go through all of this just to get your closure, it isn't worth. Leave the ex alone and focus on yourself right now. Let him give you back your things and you return back your things. You do not to go out with him for lunch. Don't see him anymore. Your depressed and its understandable. But if he was truly serious about you he wouldn't have hurt you. That's that. From the way how I see it, it was intentional harm. He is immature. And you seeing him for lunch will just make things even worse. That is emotional abuse. And he knows what he is doing by offering you lunch. You need time for yourself, and you don't need him for this. Learn to be on your own, or this is going to result in your getting professional counseling. I know this by experience. And if you get back with him, you'll be even more heartbroken and disappointed. Don't risk another failed relationship over a guy who can't get his act together because he's justified. Move on.

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  • Being on Tinder means he's alone and looking. You are a familiar face and that's about it. I think you should. Get your stuff and politely say your goodbyes. Don't talk about what went wrong. You will find yourself heartbroken again if you fall into this.

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  • Don't go into it expecting or even hoping to get back together. Keep your emotions in accept whatever he has to say and get your belongings but don't commit or get emotional about any of it. If in fact he's hoping to rekindle, just tell him you'll need time to process it. It's that time alone when you'll be able to better decide what you want for your future. if he's not asking to rekindle, you haven't put yourself out there vulnerable again.

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  • It's not going to work out again so just let that dream die. He is not the one. If I were you I would stand him up LOL

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  • Don't talk to him. Find a new guy. Less drama, headache, and heartache. And like, there's a reason it didn't work out the first time.

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  • I don't know, if it were me in this situation, I'd be too hurt to go to lunch with him. I'd just meet up briefly for him to drop off my stuff and that's it.

    I'm sorry you're going through this painful situation :(

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  • Simple: don't contact him. Don't do anything. Leave it be and move da fuck on. chicka.

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  • Ok, if he does suggest to get back together you make it clear that your willing to try but things have to be taken slow. He really has to regain your trust. You need to know that he is serious about this.

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  • You don't

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  • Don't talk to your exes.

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  • Do not , once he broke your heart he will do it again and again !

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  • Go have lunch, be super nice, bubbly and happy. No matter what cost!
    He has to see what he lost.

    Smile, get your stuff and leave early! He needs to crave you and want you back!
    No discussing of the past at all!

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  • It seems like he fell out of love with you and made you seem like you were the problem in order to make himself feel better about the situation. If I were you I would of never messaged him again. If someone one acts that way the first time odds are they will be the same the next.

    Maybe go to lunch get your stuff from him then leave. Don't sit there and do that whole catching up and allowing him to apologize and tell you how sorry he is. You went through hell because of him and you shouldn't jump right back to him.

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