I miss my ex; should I message her again sometime soon?

The factors involved, to make a long story a bit shorter:

1) She dumped me a few weeks ago, it hurt like hell, but I understood why she did it - she even said that I "didn't do anything wrong."

2) She still wanted to be friends, and so did I.

3) I didn't want our relationship to end, and I made that very clear on the day that she decided that we would break up. I tried to make her see that it wasn't a must, but she insisted, and so it happened.

4) We stayed in touch for almost three weeks after we broke up; during this time, she repeatedly talked about a guy she knows (that she's never introduced me to) and of how she can't wait for him to go visit her. This hurt me, because I still loved her the same way, and she knew it.

5) During those three weeks, she said that a) she missed our relationship, b) didn't know if we would get together again, c) was considering getting back together again, and d) was considering the possibility of eventually getting with that guy she would tell me about, once she gets through the issues that made her break up with me.

6) (And I know how this one's gonna make things sound, don't worry; spit at me if you must) I already basically ended our friendship, because I tried to make her understand that it hurt me whenever she told me that she wanted that guy to visit her. Essentially it came down to me asking her if she'd rather have ME around, or HIM around; she said that that was unfair, and she was unable to make a decision herself, she just stayed quiet for what felt like a lifetime...

So I pretty much told her that the friendship had to end, because I still loved her like I used to and her not wanting to be with me anymore hurt every day that I knew that it wasn't the same anymore for her.
...

I know, guys. It's all one gigantic mess, I've already ended things. I'm an idiot, she's a bitch, we're BOTH idiots... I know how this all looks and sounds.

But god fucking damnit, I miss her...

What would you do/have done?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • She is trying to keep you on the line in case it doesn't work out with that guy.

    I am sorry you are hurt but at this moment you need to NOT contact her at all. and do not answer her. What she is doing is unfair to you! It is going to hurt for a little while, but if you stay away for a few weeks... maybe a month or two. This will give you time to think about what is happening. This will also give her time to figure out what she wants. More than likely this new guy will not giver her much of his time and will drop her. When he does, you will have the opportunity to take her back if you want, or let her go for good. If she calls, tell her you thought about what she said and that you think she is right and you should be friends because you met a cute girl and would like to see where it goes. Then just say... she's calling gotta go! And then give her the silent treatment. Let her come running to you. But do not give in. Be strong. She has to prove and want you back for good. Give it a month.

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    • Yeah, I've considered the possibility of her trying to "keep me on the line" many, many times. I even brought it up with her, to tell you the truth; before our last conversation, I asked her to please listen to what I had to say, because I didn't want her to get angry because of it all. And even when I brought that up, she didn't get mad, thankfully.

      And yeah... I've been thinking about giving it a month or two myself. But then I have moments in which I just have the overwhelming desire to send her a text, and I'm at conflict with myself about whether or not I should do it, but the more reasonable part of me has always won so far and prevented me from doing so.

      Thank you very, very much for your input. It really helps. :)

    • You are welcomed :)

      When you get the urge to text her jump on this site!

    • I guess that that's something I can try. :)

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think you are going about it the right way. She broke up with you for a weird reason, she wanted to stay in touch (which is good), then she starts talking about another guy to you. That's bad.

    You have told her how you feel and it's honestly not fair to YOU for her to drag you along while she is trying to talk to another guy to "see where it goes". That's messed up. It will hurt you more than if you kept your distance and tried to make new friends while she is figuring her stuff out.

    Keep your distance for now, occupy yourself with hobbies and friends and she might realize that this "new" guy isn't as great as he seems.

    For the life of me, I cannot understand why people leave perfectly good relationships.

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    • ... Thank you. For not trying to obliterate me with insults about everything.

      And I tried so, so hard to make her understand that it wasn't fair to ME that she wanted me to stick around for all of that, but she just wouldn't listen. On the contrary, SHE said that it was unfair to HER that I would feel the way that I did regarding the times that she would mention that guy.

      And god, rockme, I know... I don't know why someone would end something so beautiful either. I loved her, TREASURED her as much as I could in the time that we were together, I was even slowly building my life around that potential future with her. I would tell her so often about all the things I loved about her, how she was that ONE PERSON that I NEVER got tired of no matter how much time we would spend together...

      I could go oooon and ooon and ooon. We had a bit of a bumpy road towards the end, but it was all stupid stuff that could've been worked out. I loved her so damn much. :(

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    • You have to tell yourself that right now is not a good time. She is obviously not ready and you don't want to waste your emotional energy and time on her right now.

    • I know. I'll keep fighting the battle. :/

  • I would give it time. Its hard in the beginning. Try to focus on you and what you want. After some time has passed then you can reach back out to her if you still feel the same way. Who knows -by then she might want you back or you might have found someone else!

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  • I really think that your ex-girlfriend face a lot of self-confidence issues, the fact that she even doesn't know who to be with, you or him? She also keep talking about him while she knows that you still love her, so I think what she is trutly trying to make you understand is that you should get over her an move on, because as she is talking to another guy, it means that she even doesn't think about you, and she is looking for someone else. So I really think that you should give her some space so she can figure out stuff, and when she takes all her time to think and realize that you are the right person for her, she will probably be back. So what you should do is do nothing, yes don't do anything, don't text her or call her or anything, use the no contact rule and let things happen as they are supposed to happen Good Luck!

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