How will I ever get over her? What should I do?

A while back I was ghosted by my first girlfriend. When I realized she was ghosting me I was devastated and was basically depressed for like a month or more. I thought about her constantly, but as time went on I felt a little better and tried to get back to a semi normal routine. The last couple months have been better, I've still been thinking about her but less frequently and I've been going through the school and work routine. However, for the last couple weeks I'm back to constantly thinking about her and its almost worse than immediately after the break up. Like I will just be laying there and stop whatever I'm doing and think about her and last night I even had a dream about her where we were back together. She will not talk to me anymore and I'm guessing there's no chance she'll ever want to be with me again, yet my sadness and thinking about her is at an all time high since she left. Does anyone know how I can get over her?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to keep busy. I think the problem is your mind is allowed to wander and start thinking about her. Try to remind yourself of why it didn't work out and focus on the positives. Focus on the fresh start you get now. Think about the things you didn't like about your girlfriend and be grateful that you no longer have those barriers in your life. I know that sounds really mean to think that way. But I've dated guys who didn't like specific foods, and I love food. And so when we were no longer together, I could now indulge in those foods without hearing complaints.

    It's nice sometimes to have the freedom to do things you wouldn't otherwise have gotten to do. Go out, reconnect with some old friends and make new friends. Join a club, invest in yourself, get a haircut, buy some new clothes, take yourself on a trip. Do things that heal your soul.

    Break ups are tough and it's okay to be hurting through a break up. But the best thing you can do is to grieve and try to move on. It's not the end of the world, even though it definitely feels like it. You will get over her, like you have gotten over others in the past. It will pass! And you will start to feel renewed! :)

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    • I do try to keep busy with work and school, problem is even when I'm doing other stuff I still think of her. Also the thing is there was very little I didn't like about her, so its extremely hard to think of anything negative and any little thing I may not of liked about her I would have accepted because she was so amazing. Its the first time I've experienced heartbreak and I didn't realize just how bad it is and just how hard it is to get over. The thing is I'm not very confident in talking to girls and it took me almost 20 years for my first relationship to happen and I'm worried it could take another 20 before the next. I appreciate your response and I think your positive outlook will help me, its just so hard to be positive right now.

    • Trust me, it won't take another 20 years. You just have to go on a lot of dates. But take time to heal first. I felt that way too at 20. I had a boyfriend and things ended and I was devastated. But I found another guy, and then things didn't work out either, and then I dated someone else and things didn't work out with that person either.

      But trust me, you will find someone! It just takes time!

Most Helpful Guy

  • There's two ways that I think are best. 1. just let time pass by. or 2. Find someone else, a better girlfriend that will make you forget all about her. Someone who's better and won't ghost on you.

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    • Yeah I'm letting time pass, but like I said in my question I thought it was getting better but I've taken a step back recently. I'd like to do your second option but there's 2 things preventing me from it. 1.) I keep thinking of her and wanting to be with her, I feel like I don't want to be with anyone else. Even other girls that I do talk to I don't find my self wanting to be with them, even if they're very beautiful I don't feel the same way as I did about my girlfriend. And 2.) I'm really shy, I've never actually approached a girl. She was my first girlfriend and even though I had liked her for a while, she was the one that expressed her feelings for me first. It was easy for me to tell her I liked her after that but I've never done the approaching.

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    • You're right, Its easier said than done though to just get over the shyness. I very rarely feel the confidence to just go up and talk to girls I like. It took her opening up to me about her feelings before I was really completely comfortable with her. Also yes i think talking to people about it may help, its just basically all my really close friends are kinda the same as me and are really shy and/or have little to no relationship experience, so they probably wouldn't have the answers.

    • Well then try and do other things to take ur mind off of her. If u like to work out then go work out. If u play video games then do that. Try to keep ur mind busy and focused on other things instead of it wandering off thinking about her. And yeah having that confidence is easier said than done but if u really want something and want to change ur thinking, then u have to try and take a risk. Work for it.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Sounds like you're in love with her. Why not try to reconnect?

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    • I don't know for sure if I'm "in love" because the relationship itself wasn't super long, but I really really like her and could see the relationship going places, but then she was gone. After she stopped contacting me a tried to contact her a couple more times with no success and I took the hint. But now with all these feelings for her coming back really strong recently I just don't know what to do, the thought of her is constantly in my head. I'm also scared to try to contact her now because she made no attempt to reconnect with me and if I try to reconnect with her again I feel like I'll come off as desperate, which is probably not good if I want any hope of possibly getting back with her.

      Also if she tries to reconnect I'll know she's interested again, but if I do the reconnecting I'll probably be all paranoid that she may just leave me again and that's if she'd even give it a second chance at all.

      (Sorry for the long rant, this is kinda my place to let all these feelings go)

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    • Yeah I guess there's no harm in trying. The thing is I have had literally no contact at all with her so I don't know where she's at, what's going on in her life or if she's with another guy, so I think that unknown factor is making me uncertain too. Just hypothetical, if you were me how would you go about reaching out, what would you say?

    • I would reach out anyway I knew my feelings would be heard.
      And I would say whatever comes from my soul.

  • What's ghosting?

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    • Its when someone breaks up with someone by just not talking to them anymore. They just cut off all contact with you without any explanation. They basically disappear from your life and become a "ghost".

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