Advice on how to cope after a breakup?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, 1 hr ago because I felt like I wasn't happy anymore. I told him that I felt like we got to comfortable to the point that we weren't doing anything interesting and the relationship just became dull. And he agreed that he wasn't making the effort to make me happy, that he didn't know how to make me happy.

I am home now and I feel like I have made a horrible mistake. I don't know if this is how u feel when you breakup with someone but I dont want to go back to the cycle again and I want to move on but dont know how.

Any advice? What can i do now to not think about this and want to go back to him? What is the healthiest way to move on? Did I do the right thing?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • One of the biggest reasons why relationships fail isn't because of fights or whatnot, but because both partners become to comfortable, go into daily routines and stop nurturing the relationship.

    Reality is that a relationship is like a flower. Yes, it can stand by itself for a long time - but if you stop nurturing it, it will eventually wither away. That is what happened with your relationship.

    The problem now is that instead of figuring that out and trying to work it out, you broke up the relationship - and most likely burned a whole ton of bridges now.
    So before you do anything impulsive again, you should sit down and really think why instead of trying to deal things out - your reaction was to break up. Secondly you should figure out, if you just don't want to be alone or if you really do still have feelings (past friendship, but romantic feelings) for your now ex.

    And last, but not least, you will have an uphill battle if you want to try to win your boyfriend back while at the same time ahving to work on the already existing issues.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't cope! You move on. And it starts by removing everything about that person you broke up with. The truth is you made the right decision, because if your not getting anywhere then you wasted years of your time. You have no plans for marriage, and it isn't like you want to do that now. The whole purpose of dating in the first place is to find a marriage partner to do life with. And if you guys have no further goals why waste time?

    The only thing you can do is this:

    1. Remove all items that he have given you and return them immediately. And if he says to keep them, don't, either he takes them to sell it back or throw it out. Do not keep anything that he gave you.
    2. Pictures that you both share and have on cameras, needs to be deleted from it. That includes videos that you recorded. If its on social media, delete it as well. If it happens to be shared from friends, please kindly ask them to remove it from their social media.
    3. Next you've handled all of that with him, then block and delete his number.

    Everything else comes on its own. But now you have to take this time to reflect on the relationship of what you both did wrong, write them down and learn from those mistakes. And that also includes sex as well if this was a sexual relationship. I can't tell you what to do, but making a relationship sexual makes it very hard to depart from an unhealthy relationship with that person. Be honest with yourself and change your ways that you've adapted from it. And if this is still being a problem, go seek professional counseling. Don't put this off if that relationship have badly impacted the way you live.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • If you were truly bored, isn't this a relief?

    The best way to move on is to find another guy asap.

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  • A person can't make you happy, especially if your not in a space to accept their energy. Love is constantly, yet inconsistently changing, dropping and rising over years. Essentially, you two hit a wall and you subconciously "quit" on the love far before the break up. He couldn't get through to you, and so he is now letting the memory of your energy go. Right now just be as honest with yourself as you can be, figure it out.

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  • I think you made a huge mistake. Think about it, what is marriage like? It's not going to be sunshine and rainbows forever. Maybe you always expected him to carry the weight of the relationship for the last 4 years? I don't know. Especially after investing 4 years into him and dumping him because he did nothing objectively wrong seems kind of a bad excuse to break it off. The way you felt before the breakup is actually natural for a long term relationship from my experience.

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  • Happens with everyone after a breakup.. give yourself time and the most important stuff to do is DON'T TALK WITH HIM... literally it will hurt really bad when you're not talking anymore but that's the fastest way to get over with someone trust me !!

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  • first of all stop things like this u r single so accept it

    return or give away all the gifts he gave it to u and delete all the pics of him & u togather

    talk to ur friend don't be alone hang out with them

    listen music, reading novel so in short keep urself busy & don't try to contact him

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  • I think you should ask for him back. 4 years is a long time. I don't know all the details, but often we leave people because we think the grass is greener or we get mildly bored, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

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  • Time.. For right now you need to calm yourself and reassess things later.

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  • A lot of chocolate, sad movies or movies in general and thinks to keep yourself occupied.

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  • make your self busy, time will heal everything, make friends,

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What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think you did the right thing.
    Why would you just throw a 4 year relationship down the hole?
    You can work at the relationship, you can ask him if he wants to learn to help you be happy and you can ask him if he needs you to do certain things to make him happy.
    You can read books on it. I recommend reading beyond boundaries, a great book about getting beyond your stagnant relationship and actually talking about things that are important and continue to grow your love for each other.

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  • I think tout didn't even take some time to think about it, so you Just did it and that's why you feel horrible non.

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