Just some background info, my girlfriend and I are both 22 and have been together for 2 years. I have struggled with depression (diagnosed by a psychiatrist) off and on since I was 11. I've gone through medication, treatment, and therapy, so I understand what it's like to be depressed.
When I was at a low peak in my depression for 6 months during the relationship, my girlfriend stuck by my side. I was very withdrawn. I wouldn't contact her for a few days at a time, barely saw her, and just stayed at home by myself.
Now, I'm in a better emotional state, but my girlfriend has been going through depression for the last 7 months. Her depression is the opposite of mine. She is really needy, she needs my attention constantly. She wants me to come over and spend all day and night with her. She needs me to text her without delays and call her constantly. She has frequent outbursts of anger. She cries multiple times a day.
She doesn't want me to hangout with friends, ever. She wants me to completely remove my few close friends from my life (delete their number, block them off social media, etc.) and only focus on her and move in with her. If I refuse to do that or can't come over because of work, she tells me I don't care about her.
She doesn't have health insurance and therefore hasn't gotten evaluated by a professional. Her family has also discouraged her to getting help by convincing her that depression isn't a real thing, she just needs to toughen up.
I'm kind of torn. I love her very much and a part of me feels like I should stick by her side through it, after all, that's what she did for me. On the other hand I feel like I'm only dragging myself down, it's been going on for 7 months.
At what point is enough, enough?
Most Helpful Girl
There is a fine line between depressed and co-dependant. And there are those willing to get help and those who won't. It sounds like there is some manipulation going on there. Isolating you from the world just because she isn't capable of interacting with others right now isn't healthy. If you decide to stay, the absolute best things you can do for her right now is set some boundaries, and stick to them. She needs structure. Your local hospital can also give you references for programs that can help her, free of charge.1
Most Helpful Guy
Well I am sorry to hear of the struggles you face, both with your own issues and dealing with hers. Are you in the US? Since she does not have insurance, I'd imagine she would qualify under the affordable care act? I'd see about getting her insurance asap and getting her into a doctor. If you are currently in treatment, you might want to check with a nurse in that office for what route your girlfriend can take to get insurance in your state. (Assuming you are in the US.) // I went through something similar with a girlfriend when I was around 26, only she was mean to me instead and chased me out of her life. Her way of dealing with her depression was to be mean to everyone so they would avoid her. So not exactly the same as your situation.0