I really really need advice on whether I should try again with my ex. Sometimes I think he might be gay or A sexual. Or maybe I'm overthinking?

I had a mutual break up with my boyfriend of 3 years we were HS sweethearts. I was his first girlfriend. He was always known for being awkward and having NO luck with girls. But we hit it off. I knew right away he was awkward socially. He is only happy and fun when he is with his guy friends. we had some great times but mostly I felt like I always loved him more. He never showed affection in public. That was out of the question. He never really wanted to have sex either. He refused to by condoms. I just kinda feel like now maybe I was a cover up? He even said himself he didn't know how much he liked the physical part of a relationship. He said he just feels uncomfortable. It caused me low self esteem for sure. I felt like he wasn't attracted to me. But he denied it all the time. We had good sexting for awhile but that stopped. I know he didn't cheat and I know he doesn't even flirt with other girls. He just wants to be with his friends that's the only time he's completely comfortable. Even after 3 years the awkwardness got worse. We got older and I wanted more. I would suggest getting a hotel and he would act like he wanted to but then never asked about it. There were plenty of times he had a house to himself But never asked me over. This is all when we were 18,19,20. You'd think he'd be begging for it. I know people will think he wasn't attracted to me or he was cheating. But I know he didn't cheat. I mean I guess he could have not been attracted to me but why stay for 31/2 years? He is so emotionally distant. No affection no passion. We broke it off last month cause he said he just can't give me what I need. He thinks he can't be with anyone because so many aspects of a relationship make him uncomfortable. This after THREE YEARS! I'm seriously questioning everything now. Could he be gay And I was a cover up? He said he didn't want to lose me but he's done nothing to get me back. Hasn't reached out to me once and changed his FB status from in a relationship


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why are you stupid? It won't change. People don't change

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    • Maybe elaborate a little lol! I get what you're saying for sure. I realize I shouldn't try again, I guess I'm just more curious about the other stuff. Why stay for 3 years with me etc...

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    • Thank you! Your bluntness actually helps me lol. I wish I had the same kind of attitude toward my ex so I could tell him to F off.

    • My bluntness turns many off but some like it

Most Helpful Girl

  • Given your description, why do you want to be with this man who doesn't love you, reduces your confidence, doesn't have sex with you, doesn't support you emotionally.., what are you gaining from this "relationship"?

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    • Honestly I don't know. I'm extremely physically attracted to him and I think honestly what is so hard for me is that it was really good for a long time. We have great memories and I wonder why it can't be like that again. It seemed to go downhill when we got older and I wanted more... sex, affection just more intimacy and he wanted to keep things exactly the same. I do think he loved me he just couldn't express it. So I wonder if I could have done something g to make it work

    • To be honest Hun... I get it. I feel that this is similar to my first relationship. We started at 15, it ended at 20. It was lovely, apart from he was abusive. But we kept breaking up, he kept borderlying cheating and I kept accepting it.

      Listen to me. You have the strength. You have more than me. I went through emotional abusive and occasionally physical abusive from this boyfriend. I went through years of mental abuse from my mother. I went through sexual abuse when I was 20.

      You. Can. Do. Better.

      You feel like you are going to be alone forever. You are scared to leave the good times in case there are no more. You don't want change. You don't want someone else.

      I hate change: but change doesn't mean bad. My second and current boyfriend is my world. He isn't physically my "ideal" but he is beyond what I could expect.

      You deserve just as much as me if not more. Be strong. Believe. Fight for your rights.

      He isn't being honest to you.

      I'm here for you if no one else is.

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What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 2

  • It is hard to know why people know what they do. Maybe he has a boyfriend. Maybe he likes another girl and doesn't want to tell you. Maybe he just needs to figure himself out... I am really not sure on this one, but someone in their late teens and early twenties not "knowing" who they really are, is somewhat normal. I would have no idea why after that long he is just deciding that he can't be in a relationship, but here is what I say. Take it as a lesson, remember the good memories that you had, and if he is not contacting you, move on. There are other people out there who will treat you good, and not be afraid to have a relationship. Wish this person well, and mean it, and let them move on to figure out their life. You obviously know that you want a solid relationship, and they are out there... best of luck!

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    • Thank you!!! I'm struggling hard on this one. I guess it's because we ended on good terms. He said he didn't want to lose me but hasn't don't one thing to keep me :/ what kills me is thinking of him with another girl. I wish he was gay! That'd make it easier ha!

  • Might be asexual and embarrassed?

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    • Kinda what I was thinking. I asked him if he even liked the physical part of a relationship and he said "doesn't everyone" - and I said no, not necessarily and he replied "idk"

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