so my parents' marriage is pretty shaky and im 16. they have been fighting since i was born (?). and my father has had an affair around thrice. my mom had a boyfriend once. they fight ALMOST everyday and u can hear screamings shoutings doors slamming every day. i have a sister who is 11. the only reason my mom is still in this marriage is because of my sister and i (she told us). but sometimes i feel that they are better off divorced because it'll do my sister and i better. a home where there are fightings everyday isn't a conducive environment to grow up in. when they fight it is always scary. and i can see that my mom is really unhappy in this marriage - she is always crying. what are your takes?
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To be honest with you, you're just another me seeing the injustice of what selfishness, premarital sex and cohabitation [if they did] has done. They are not mature, and it's obvious that they have a lot of unresolved issues. The point is your mother needs to understand that she can't keep arguing with your dad. It's not so much of her staying for the two of you. But if she wants to stay in this marriage and love your father, then she needs to do that. You need to sit down and speak with the both of you separately, then together with them and your sister. You need to be the adult in this family now. Trust me. I've been through the exact same thing you're going through right now. For 23 years of my life before my mother passed away in almost a year now.
Is your dad still having affairs? No? Then he needs to stop and learn love his wife, your mother. The point you need to remember that this is their marriage. Do not interfere with their choices. But you do need to sit down with them and tell them to stop their childish nonsense. Believe me when I say, if I could have a word with them I would. However, they both made their marriage vows. They need to stick to those vows and learn to love each other. Because since the very beginning, they never did. I know that you feel that they should divorce, as I felt the exact same way. But you need to understand something. This was their choice. They have to work it out. I know your mom is suffering. But they need some serious marriage counseling and they need to try to meet half way. I recommend a book that may prove insightful for the both of them. But that is IF they want to make this work:
This book breaks down both the roles of men and women in a marriage and what are they supposed to do to learn to love their spouse. And how they're role in marriage affects your lives as their children. You need to really grasp this because marriage is not supposed to be what your parents are doing. Marriage is not about happiness. The problem is this, your mother was already miserable before she got married to him and had you. That is what you're not seeing. And divorcing your father would not make her any happier. She will be even far more miserable. You know why? Because she truly LOVES your father. Marriage is a bonding contract that reaches the depths of one's soul. She wants to make it work. She just doesn't know HOW love your father. All they had was lust.0