My husbands jealous? of my commitment to exercise. I'd been doing it for him now he doesn't desire me at all. Isn't this what all men want?

Like a lot of men my husband made rude "joking" comments after our baby was born about my body. This being my third child I was determined to begin working out as soon as possible anyways but his comments were very insulting considering he had given me an ultimatum before marriage that we'd have children or else (poignant because I'd already had two children then my tubes tide years before so this child he HAD to have was through IVF and no accident). My husband has never been supportive of my working out (I thought because he had to watch the baby 6 days a week for 1.5hrs) he never complements me (and I seriously look great!!) and won't have sex with me. He's now nasty and picking fights, calling me fat and acting like a complete child. Although I started this for both of us I think he resents me for being so committed. It's absurd and I just want some male perspective as to what's possibly going through his head. I'm certain I'm watching the end of our relationship.

Updates:
Wow. All of you are right. I write this after waking another day with puffy eyes from crying because of an argument he started about the way I was decorating the Christmas tree. I literately can not do anything right in the eyes of this man. He actually said (again),"See, all we do is fight!" and by the end of the argument he was telling me he was pissed about something else entirely. He himself didn't even seem to know what he was so pissed about.
I know what I have to do.
I think in some stupid way I wanted to try a last ditch effort to fix all of our other problems by fixing this one issue he loooooved to pick on (my body) probably because he could see it really bothered me.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think that this is about your working out. What your husband is doing is common at the end of relationships. What people will often do in a dying relationship is they'll pick fights and act in a way to cause conflict. This creates unhappiness in both parties and serves as a way to help convince themselves that they really should end the relationship. You know, this sort of self-fulfilling prophecy where he picks a fight and then says to himself afterwards "See! All we do is fight!"

    At this point, you really have two options. You can let the relationship run its course or you can try to save it through counseling. With counseling, you two might be able to open a dialogue as to what's going on exactly. What are thing things that you two are most unhappy about? Is there another woman? Things like that. I think that which direction you guys go depends on what you think is possible between you two and what you want for yourself. Maybe you'd be happier without him too and it's better off to just let this go. I was going to write more on the divorce route but... I think you have enough to think about for now.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly he may be threatened by your independence and drive to reach your goals. I don't know what kind of person he is outside of what you described, but if he's lagging behind in life, he may resent you for being ahead.
    Honestly if he continues to treat you that way you should drop that man like a hot potato because someone like you deserves a lot better than that.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • he's tired of your relationship. I'd say end it on your terms before he can screw you over. keep records of your fights and anything abusive he does for court. if you can, audio record him being nasty to you to back you up in court. divorce is a long painful process most times. custody and visits are worse. it sounds to me like he will try to get full custody of the child. if he is undeserving that privilege, make sure he doesn't get the child. tell friends and family of your situation in case court needs outside opinions.

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  • Sorry for what your going through , this does seem that he has emotionally given up on the relationship. Time for a serious chat but I'd say your thinking is right on the money

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  • Is he fat?

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    • No. He played hockey for years until about 5 years ago. He's suffered several concussions so quit when he began considering a family. He's definitely out of shape though. He seems to want a subservient wife and I'm a peace keeper so I've tried to be like that but I think he resents how regular exercise has changed me. Not my body so much as my demeanour. I'm definitely a lot more relaxed and don't stress over every little thing. And yes as a woman my body has always been an insecurity so now that it looks better at 38 than it did at 16 I'm happy. Ecstatic. I just don't see how he doesn't see this as a win for him too.

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    • I worry that he does suffer the effects of having so many concussions. He does have anger issues but I believe if that was related to concussions he'd have trouble controlling his behaviour at all times not just with his wife. Then again I am not an expert either. I just feel like I am giving it my all and he isn't even trying. I feel like maybe I've done too much? Like because I've bent over backwards for him so many times that I've devalued myself in his eyes. I think intrinsically I've known that for awhile so I tried to up my worth by taking even better care of myself than I ever had but I think that's pissed him off even more. This is one thing I'm keeping up for myself though. No matter who doesn't like it.

    • Yep that's all the advice I can give, I don't know what else could be the problem, good luck.

What Girls Said 3

  • He's a prick who knows you are too good for him. That's what the mean comments are about. And I'm pretty sure he is picking the fights so you'll end it. He doesn't want you now that he can't control you. Break it off first but secure a lawyer beforehand to give you an edge.

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    • I'm actually really scared to start this process as I've been through it before with my ex (fighting over the children which got worse when I started date g my current husband). My ex wasn't much of a match but my husband makes a lot of money and has access to free legal council. I'm obviously going to have to get my shit together. Terrifying to go through all this alone.

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    • Thank you. I hope my big girl panties still fit :/

    • Don't doubt yourself. Just do it.

  • he needs to grow up... really >:( you gave him a kid and he acts like all that matters to him is your looks... smh

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  • I'm really sorry, I can't imagine the type of pain this must cause you. Here is guy who said "no matter what, I will love this woman" and here he going back on his words. I hope that you can get through this with your children and find a guy who worships the body that you've worked hard on, loves your kids like his own, and is mature enough to handle his own emotions. Good luck.

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