What is the real reason why he doesn't want to date?

I dated my ex for 8 months. We went on a "zeroth" date where we had coffee and I really realized I wanted to get out of the friend zone. I realized he was too shy to ask a girl out so I got over my fear of asking a guy out because I felt he was worth it. We dated 8 months and a few days.
We became close. I met his family, he met mine, we supported each other through projects, bad grades, etc. Everyone thought we were solid just as I did until Election Night. His dad started pushing him even harder to do better in all things academic (they're immigrants) and they don't know his grades. He snapped, said he couldn't balance everything but he didn't want to break up yet. I asked if he still loved me, if he could balance everything & keep me, would he? He said he didn't know. In 5 days, we had a talk (2hr drive of him not knowing what he wanted) & he broke up with me. He said it was because of my negativity plus he doesn't know what he wants in term of a career & his major. He didn't give me the chance to salvage our relationship but we have talked since & come to the agreement that I saw it as realism. (He never told me about what bothered him)

My ex wants to stay my best friend. He (by admission) is still attracted to me, hangs out with me, kisses me on the cheek, hugs me, cuddles me, we have coffee, he's not dating anyone else... so nearly nothing changed but he is adamant about this time apart. He says he still cares for me but there's no room in his heart for love to grow rn. I'm used to always loving someone more than I'm loved but it's seeming like more excuses when he himself said I'm not demanding and when he asks to be alone for days, he's the one that calls me to do things. Is it really just about school or is it that he's afraid of commitment? And if he still likes me, why didn't he want to work things out with me first?

Everyone from his mom to our friends say it's not over, he's just confused, but I don't want to wait for someone who won't come back.


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What Guys Said 1

  • If his mom saysbhe is confused, he is confused. And indeed he needs to work things out. Perhaps he needs a bit more maturity.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You should listen to what he is telling you, not other people. He knows what he feels and when people tell you who they are: listen.

    I understand you're hurt and that this is confusing for you, but he has said he doesn't want a relationship. If you're having trouble disassociating your feelings from the friendship he wants then it may be worthwhile telling him you need some time to move past it as well. If he's asking you to respect his boundaries then don't be afraid to set your own to do what you need to now that this has happened

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